


Not of Atoms

by disco_lemonade



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Disney References, F/M, Keyblade Wielder Kairi (Kingdom Hearts)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 77,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23322952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disco_lemonade/pseuds/disco_lemonade
Summary: Kairi accepts a dangerous mission from the King, not realizing she'll have to team up with an old enemy and uncover the mysteries of her past.
Relationships: Axel/Kairi (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set at the end of Kingdom Hearts 2, creating an alternate universe setting. (In other words, the first two games and sprinkles of Chain of Memories are taken as canon, and the rest is my imagination).

**_“The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.” - Muriel Rukeyser_ **

###  **-o- PROLOGUE -o-**

He came for me.

_ I tell you, Kairi. You’ve got a lot of guts, jumping right into the darkness like that. _

I had known Darkness before. A year earlier, when the Door opened on Destiny Islands, it had called my name and woke me up in the middle of the night. I had rowed in a little boat, half dreaming, driven by an unconscious and irresistible desire to enter the Secret Place of my childhood. I touched the Door, and it swallowed me.

But back then, the Darkness had  _ consumed _ me. I barely remember any of it. In Axel’s arms, plucked violently from the sanctuary I’d found in a place called Twilight Town, I was wide awake. In contrast to the heat of his body, the cold Dark against my skin chilled me to the bone.

We emerged back into the real world with a loud thud, stumbling onto the solid ground of a cracked and warped wooden floor. I fell hard on my knees. Panting, I stayed on the ground, my head bowed.

Axel reached down and grabbed my chin with his leather glove, forcing me to look at him. With his free hand, he summoned a magic spell of sorts that bound my wrists together with translucent bands of golden light.

“I hope you can forgive me,” he drawled. “I realize with the bondage and the dragging and lack of consent and all, this seems a lot like kidnapping. But I promise I’m just trying to get to know you better.”

I scowled, and screamed. I screamed for help. I jerked my head around while his hand still gripped my chin. I frantically examined my surroundings. We were in a one-room house with a high ceiling. It seemed abandoned, and oddly familiar.

Axel let go of my face and sighed, backing away from me. He spread his arms wide, gesturing to the space around us. “You’re wasting your time. We’re high in the sky, princess. In a treehouse in Deep Jungle. There’s no one around to hear you.”

My knees ached from the forming bruises. I felt powerless and confused and sick to my stomach. This charming stranger had chased me across Worlds from the safe beach of my home. “What do you want with me? Who are you, really?”

“Really?” he said, drawing his eyes into mine. I shivered. “I’m Nobody.”

His cryptic response and the silence that followed made me anxious. Fear gave way very quickly to curiosity. “Fine then. Don’t give me anything. I’ll give you the same.” I bowed my head in defeat and sat on the wooden floor.

To my surprise, he laughed. “Well that’s cute. Hopefully that indignation will keep you entertained for awhile.”

“What does that--?”

But I couldn’t say another word. My mouth was bound by the same magic that was wrapped around my wrists. I was left sitting in the middle of that open room, silenced, while Axel disappeared. I waited for hours, left to do nothing but ponder the details of my surroundings. A dusty, ominous bassinet sat abandoned in the corner. Wildcats roared and birds sang. Broad jungle-green branches fluttered in the windows.

_ We really are in the trees,  _ I admitted with dread.

I slept, and woke to a shrill whistling. Night had fallen, and as I rubbed my sleepy eyes, I took in the bizarre sight of Axel holding fire in one hand, and a kettle in the other. As steam fluted out from the spout, he casually extinguished the blaze in his palm and poured the hot water into two waiting teacups. They were white porcelain, rimmed with violet and gold baroque deco. He dropped in two silk sachets and watched them with an unexpected serenity while they steeped.

I had watched him so carefully, like a fly on a wall, that I was caught off guard when he picked up a cup of tea to offer it to me. I hadn’t even noticed when the gag around my mouth had lifted. I tried to summon the fear and rage that had consumed me hours ago, but like an idiot, I could only bow in thanks and accept the tea.

I said nothing because I had nothing to say, and he seemed content to do the same. We sipped hot tea and let the jungle bugs speak instead. In silence, I wondered at my situation. Twenty-four hours prior, I stood on a beach, an ordinary girl, suddenly recovering a year’s worth of lost memories, and now I sat peacefully captive with a strange boy in a strange place.

His motives for holding me captive were a mystery. It belied the notion I had about villains, that they were always spilling their plots in elaborate monologues. Axel turned out to be pretty aloof, for a villain. I was trapped with him, but he didn’t seem to have specific designs. He seemed like he was waiting.

-o-o-o-o-o-

It was the same for awhile. I lost track of time after the second or third day, examining the walls of my strange prison as my hopes of escape diminished with each uneventful hour. Axel would come and he would go. He brought me water, food, tea. He made a pallet of thin blankets for me to sleep on and one time woke me up by tossing a copy of  _ Through the Looking Glass _ at my head to alleviate my boredom. I was lonely and uncomfortable, but I stopped being scared. It was clear he wasn’t going to hurt me, at least not physically. Trapped in the treehouse, I felt like I was suffering a much worse torture. My heart was starving.

It was a starless night when I woke to a clap of thunder in the distance. Within minutes, the rain had found us. Water rushed in through the unfinished windows and flooded my bedding. For a few minutes I just laid there, so deprived of energy that I was resigned to falling back asleep in wet blankets. Eventually, though, the discomfort was too much. I stood up and paced around the open room, watching the deluge and occasional flashes of lightning. 

I was startled when I realized Axel stood at one of the windows, like a shadow, watching the rain. He heard my drippy footsteps and whipped his head around, eyes alert. He lifted his hand for a moment, as if he were going to magically bind me again, but changed his mind. He sighed, shrugged, and turned back toward the rain.

“It’s you,” he muttered. I was confused to consider who else he possibly could have expected. Animal noises rang in a constant cacophony, but humans were scarce indeed in this place. I had never felt more isolated in my entire life. With a shivering premonition I realized perhaps he was waiting for something neither human nor animal.

For a night so loud, it felt painfully quiet.

“What do you  _ want _ from me?” I whispered. “Why did you take me? Am I ever going home?”

Axel did not turn around. The rain nearly swallowed his voice.

“You were never home,” he murmured.

Thunder clapped again with a deafening force. But there was another noise. Something that sounded oddly like the ripping open of the universe. Suddenly, we weren’t alone.

A pale, towering figure slipped out of a black portal and into the room. A mane of frosted blue hair fluttered over his scarred, lifeless face. I would later learn his name was Saïx.

Axel moved from his stoic pose at the window so quickly I barely saw him. The next thing I knew, his hand wrapped around Saïx’s throat. Saïx didn’t so much as wince, even as his whole body was lifted off the ground. His threshold for pain terrified me.

Seemingly out of thin air, Saïx produced an enormous claymore. Its size defied all sense of physics. He swung it around easily and it smashed against the back of Axel’s head. Axel screamed in pain as he stumbled backward, and my heart jolted unexpectedly. He had given me no reason to care for him, and yet watching him take a blow filled me with fear.

Axel had told me before that he was a Nobody, but it wasn’t until this insane display that I fully realized he and the other Nobodies were far from human.

Saïx shook his head in disapproval as Axel tried to regain his bearings.

“Thought you could run?” He wielded the giant claymore once again, this time striking at the ankles. Axel dropped to the ground, and Saïx circled closer to him. “Thought you could hide? Pitiful. You may have eluded me longer, traitor, if you hadn’t insisted on keeping the girl.” His voice got softer for a moment. “I can’t decide whether to be charmed or disgusted. You of all people always claimed it was best to forget past lives, and here you are, burdened with the princess. Do you imagine her able to turn you into a  _ real boy? _ ” Saïx’s stoic gaze was alight with loathing.

Axel raised his palm and summoned a fiery chakram, but he was too late to defend himself. The claymore came crashing down a final time, rendering Axel unconscious and splayed on the wooden floor.

I stood paralyzed until Saïx grabbed my hand. He vanished the claymore into nothingness and tightened his grip on me. He ripped the universe open again and dragged me through, leaving me too shocked to scream as yet another captor whisked me off to another prison.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

I didn’t think about Axel again until Naminé came for me. She was dressed in white, not like the other Nobodies. She was a blonde, blue-eyed mirror of me. A more angelic version than me, I thought.

After she rescued me, she took me to a strange place. A tunnel of endless swirling color that was unlike anything, Light or Dark, I had ever seen.

“What are we doing here, Naminé?” I asked. Her eyes frantically searched the dizzying, ethereal landscape surrounding us. For some reason, I wasn’t scared when I was near her. I trusted her completely. I felt like she knew exactly where we should be, at exactly the right moment. It was hard for me to believe that she was, in fact, a part of me. She was different. Special. She had… a kind of gift. She had something I didn’t.

“There!” she said with a shaky gasp, pointing across the vast colored space. She jogged toward a dark figure that lay sprawled on the ground. 

I was startled once I recognized him: Axel, the Nobody who had kidnapped me. Black dust hovered ominously over his body. His pale skin grew faint. He was disappearing. Dying.

Naminé knelt beside his fading body, raking her tiny fingers through his matted red hair. I was baffled and unnerved by the desperate affection in her eyes as she watched him die. Didn’t she know what he did to me? I thought he was our enemy. How was it possible that he meant so much to her?

A tender smile cracked through the pain in Axel’s face. Naminé’s eyes glittered at him lovingly, but I could only clench my fists and scowl. I didn’t trust his smile. I didn’t trust Axel, or the pull he seemed to have on Naminé.

“The little witch,” Axel croaked. “And the princess. Glad you found each other. I got waylaid by Saix… couldn’t make it in time…” His voice dulled to a whisper.

“Shhh,” soothed Namine. She reached for his hand and weaved her pale fingers within his gnarled leather gloves.

Axel gasped for breath. “You should leave, you know. You really don’t want to watch me die.”

Naminé shook her head fiercely. “I won’t let that happen. I can save you.” She turned her head swiftly to me, her pale blue eyes searching desperately in mine. “I need your help, Kairi.”

I felt my breath get stuck in my chest, like a blitzball had pelted me right in the stomach.

“Me?” I asked. My voice sounded strange, echoing in the bizarre Nothing that surrounded us. “But… why me? How can I help?”

Naminé reached out with her free hand and took one of mine. She had me in one hand, and Axel in the other. She smiled gently.

“You’re my heart, Kairi,” she whispered. “I can’t save his life without my heart.”

As I stood there, linked by flesh to her, and thus to Axel, I felt something strange inside me. Like a stream of cold water pouring from my head to all of my nerves. Like I could feel something other than blood in my veins.

I was scared and conflicted. “But… why? How can you trust him?”

“He gave his life for Sora,” Naminé said, and I did not question how she knew that. She could see things I could not, of that much I was certain.

I glanced down at Axel’s fading figure skeptically. I watched as Naminé broke away from me to turn to Axel instead. 

“And…” she added, glancing sorrowfully at his face. “He has a promise to keep.” 

He chuckled weakly. I wondered what her promise was, what private joke Axel laughed at. I closed my eyes. 

“Fine,” I said, nervously. “I’ll help. What do I have to do?”

Naminé squeezed my hand. “Just hold on tight, and open your heart. Think of love. Think of warm thoughts.”

With my eyes still closed, I thought instantly of Sora. I could see the two of us clearly, just a year ago, sitting on the dock at sunset, talking about sailing away together. I thought of the shimmering island sun, the kaleidoscope of tropical colors, the cool, salty waves splashing over our bare feet. I thought of home, and how I longed to be there with Sora and Riku by my side again.

As I buried myself in happy memories, Naminé gripped my hand even tighter. Just outside the edges of my pleasant thoughts, I could hear her panting and muttering words that I couldn’t recognize. The cold trickle I felt throughout my body changed, growing warmer and warmer until I felt like there was white hot fire coursing inside me.

“Axel!” Naminé gasped. She let go of my hand.

I opened my eyes and saw Axel sit up straight, his body solid and vibrant once more. He gazed at Naminé’s face and thanked her with a silent smile. He took a deep breath, and shifted his gaze toward me. I immediately stared down at my hands, still unnerved by the sight of him.

“That’s some fierce brand of magic you’ve got, little witch,” Axel cooed.

Naminé merely nodded. “You can’t leave yet, Axel. You still have a light to shine, understand me?”

Axel’s lips pursed in disgust.

“You must go to Radiant Garden. There is so much to be done.”

His eyes met hers once more. They were speaking in silence, and I ached to know the secret they shared. Profound reluctance was written all over his face as he watched her, pleading silent words, but eventually, he nodded. He stood up, and only seconds later he had summoned an undulating portal of Darkness. He stepped through it and disappeared.

“Naminé, what…?” I said.

“There’s no time,” she said. She reached out her hand and, just as Axel had done, opened another portal. “Sora and Riku will be needing us.”

She dragged me toward the portal, but stopped herself. She turned to face me, probing me a thoughtful expression.

“It isn’t over, you know,” she whispered ominously. “Wars aren’t easily won, and this one is far from over. Sora’s going to need you, Kairi, if he’s ever going to win a victory for Light. It’s going to take  _ love _ , you understand?”

“Of course,” I answered shakily. In actuality, I didn’t understand, not even a little bit. Her words were merely fragments of a bigger picture that I couldn’t see.

“I don’t know what love feels like, you know,” she said mournfully. Her tone was distracted, like she had momentarily drifted from the urgency that lie before us. “I could never know. Nobodies have no feelings. So I hope that… that when you fall in love, you’ll trust your heart. It will feel  _ right _ .”

I wrinkled my brow, perplexed beyond belief. Who was this girl, this Nobody, that supposedly was a part of me?

“O… Okay, but what does that have to do with...?”  _ With me falling in love, _ I struggled to finish.

Naminé smiled and shook her head. “I’m sorry, never mind… You’ll understand these things in time. Destinies are fulfilled, all in good time. But just now… we’ve got to get to Sora.”

With a swift yank, Naminé pulled me through her Dark portal, onward to the final battles of Sora’s long journey. The brief experience I shared with her in the Betwixt and Between was quickly pushed out of my thoughts. There were too many other dangers still to face. 

Only later, when our journey ended, did I have time to contemplate that somewhere in the secret Axel and Naminé kept, my destiny was waiting.


	2. to-do list

Two years ago, we had been children. Two years ago we chased each other in games of tag, along this very beach; played hide and seek in the nooks and dark corners of the cove. It was the same beach, the same people, but in only two years’ time, something truly remarkable seemed to have happened. We weren’t children anymore.

A group of teenagers lounged in a circle around a blazing bonfire, on the shore of the beach we had known since childhood. Across the flames, I spotted Riku and Sora play-fighting with their wooden swords, laughing. Several of the other island kids watched them in amusement. I took this moment, when everyone’s attention was diverted, to approach Tidus once more.

“Come on, Tidus,” I whined, tugging on his shirt sleeve. “I’ll give you  _ all  _ the money I made working at the snow cone stand this summer. Over 1,000 munny! Come on, just a few sparring sessions, that’s all I’m asking.”

Tidus yanked his arm free of me, chuckling. “Forget it, Kairi. Sora would kill me.” He reached down into the bag of marshmallows at his feet and placed one on the end of his thin wooden stick. 

“Hey, Selphie!” he called to the other end of the circle. “Want me to roast you a marshmallow?”

Selphie, who had been deeply engaged in conversation with two other girls from our neighborhood, excused herself from them and joined Tidus. “Sure,” she said, sliding close to his seat on a log. “That’s really sweet of you.”

Tidus beamed back at her, looking extremely smug. I resisted the urge to mime vomiting while he stuck another marshmallow on the end of his stick.

Frustration rose in my cheeks, and I was certain I was turning pink in the face. Lately, I always seemed to be frustrated. I folded my arms, determined to sway him. “Sora’s not my mom, Tidus,” I argued weakly. “He doesn’t get to decide what I do.”

“Are you still going on about that?” Selphie interrupted. “Why do you want to learn to fight, anyway? We’re too old to be rough-housing with the boys.”

My cheeks grew hotter. It was bad enough that the boys never took me seriously, but having my closest girl-friend criticize me as well wasn’t exactly boosting my ego.

“I want to be able to protect myself,” I said softly, staring into the towering orange fire. 

I thought of the evening on the beach when Axel appeared. He chased me through the Darkness, tracked me down in Twilight Town, and kidnapped me. He had  _ laughed _ as I tried futilely to free myself from his iron-grip. And then, when Saïx attacked us, I was powerless again to do anything. I was passed from the clutches of one kidnapper to the next. I was made a prisoner in the Castle That Never Was. It was only because of Naminé that I had escaped. It was only because of Riku that I even had a weapon to defend myself. It was only because of Sora and the King and the others that I made it out of there alive.

That long journey left me reeling. I didn’t want to be rescued any more. I wanted to stand and fight.

Tidus and Selphie exchanged skeptical glances and laughed softly at me.

“Aw, go on,” said Tidus, pulling a hot, gooey marshmallow off his stick and handing it gingerly to Selphie. “Protect yourself from what? You think you’re gonna get mugged or something, walking around  _ Destiny Islands _ ?”

I clenched my fists and teeth together tightly, but said nothing. Tidus and Selphie couldn’t understand. The things that Sora and Riku and I had seen, the dangers and horrors, the wonders of other worlds… we never spoke about them to others. “World order” was what the King called our silence. People were safer if they just didn’t know.

“Just… never mind,” I said tiredly. Neither Tidus nor Selphie called after me when I abruptly departed, shuffling away from the bonfire without another word. I could only assume they were eager to spend time alone, stuffing each other’s faces full of marshmallows and making googly-eyes.

The glow of the bonfire and the lively chatter of my friends grew dimmer as I marched away from the crowd. I had already begun untying my row boat from the dock when a wiry, athletic figure bounded over to me.

“Kairi, wait!” he called out. I didn’t need to look up to know who it was. Sora’s voice always rang out to me, a constant comfort, familiar as a mother’s touch.

Not that I would know what a mother’s touch felt like, of course. That’s probably why I clung to Sora so; he was the only thing that felt like home to me. He was the closest thing to family I’d ever known.

With a sigh, I stood up from where I squat beside my boat tether, and folded my arms as I faced him. “What’s up?” I said, trying to sound indifferent.

“Why are you leaving so early?” he asked, a childish pout spreading across his face.

It was hard to stay mad at Sora. I knew he wasn’t  _ trying _ to upset me, but all the same, he’d been making my life pretty difficult lately. He wouldn’t teach me to fight, and no one else wanted to upset Sora by teaching me. His concern for me was touching, but it was standing in the way of my ambitious goals.

“I’m tired,” I lied. “I want to get plenty of sleep tonight. Early start tomorrow.”

“Whatcha gettin’ up early for? Tomorrow’s Saturday.” Sora took a step closer to me, scratching the back of his head with his toy sword awkwardly.

I sighed with impatience. “You know why. I want to get in a full day’s training.”

Sora frowned slightly. “You’re really into this training thing, aren’t you? You know there’s probably no reason…”

I had heard this argument from Sora many times before, but it wasn’t any less infuriating to hear it again. “When the time comes to fight again, I want to be ready! You  _ know _ that, Sora!”

I could see the sting in Sora’s eyes, and I wished I hadn’t raised my voice. “There won’t be any reason to fight,” he said quietly. Almost desperately. “There can’t be. We fought too hard, for too long. Everything’s the way it should be now. And if anything ever does happen again… me and Riku will fight. We’ll protect you.”

He reached out with his hand, calloused by countless battles, and touched my cheek. I blushed. It was  _ awful _ hard to stay mad. I could hear the love in his voice, and I knew it was only because he cared so much that he didn’t want me to have to fight.

But his feelings didn’t change what  _ I _ wanted.

“Naminé told me it wasn’t over. She said I would have to trust my heart, and my heart is telling me to be ready to fight. She said… that you would need me.”

I placed my delicate hand inside of his and searched his eyes desperately. I needed to make him understand.

“Well, I  _ do _ need you, Kairi. But that doesn’t mean you have to  _ fight _ . Maybe I just… need  _ you. _ The way you already are.”

The rubber soles of his sneakers squeaked against the wet dock, edging closer to me still. Even in the dim moonlight, I could see his cheeks turn pink. My stomach started doing somersaults as I watched his shoes, too nervous to make eye contact. It was one of those startling, miserably awkward moments where you  _ should _ know what’s about to happen, and you  _ should _ be excited about it, but you’re so insanely nervous that your mind goes blank and your mouth goes numb and you get a little dizzy and you hope that you’ll wake up and this tedium will all just have been an unfortunate dream…

“Um, I should go,” I spluttered out, just as Sora’s face came so close to mine that I could smell the cherry soda on his breath. “Really… really tired… yeah.”

A little too loudly, I coughed, and tripped over my boat tether as I scrambled into my boat and pushed off the dock. As I rowed back toward the main island, I watched the outline of Sora, standing on the dock, scratching his head in disappointment.

-o-o-o-

Beneath my ribs, I felt the sharp sting of my muscles starting to cramp. My lungs were on fire, and my seared breathing pounded loudly in my ears. It was barely dawn, but the island humidity was already thick and suffocating, the heat sweltering and merciless. Dripping sweat, panting desperately, clutching my throbbing side, I continued to run. Sand sprayed in every direction as my sneakers hit the beach. For a moment, I was so intent in my running that all sound seemed to be sucked from the universe. The streets beyond the shore disappeared from my periphery. There was only my beating heart and the rising sun in the distance.

I skidded to a halt at last. I let out a scream, trying to wake the silence that surrounded me. Trying to bring me back.

“Quite the athlete,” snickered a voice behind me.

Still panting, I turned, feeling a little startled and embarrassed to see Riku standing right behind me, smirking. “What are… you doing… awake…?” I said, placing my head between my knees as I caught my breath.

Riku chuckled and handed me his canteen. “Couldn’t sleep last night… finally gave up at dawn and came for a walk.”

Gratefully, I chugged the cool water. It spilled down my face, icy trickles against my flushed skin. When my breath was steady enough to speak again without embarrassing myself, I looked at Riku, examining the rough purple circles beneath his eyes.

“More nightmares?” I asked with a soft frown.

Riku nodded, staring out at the sea rather than meeting my eyes. Sora’s adventures had been grand, and my own journey to find them had been tumultuous, but I knew that neither of our stories could match the agony Riku had endured. He had battled alongside Maleficent, been banished to Darkness, and lived inside Ansem’s skin. His journey was scarring, and it still haunted his sleep.

“Sora had dreams,” I said, thinking aloud as I carefully watched Riku’s tired face. “Before the Door opened. He said he’d been having strange dreams. Do you think… your dreams mean…?”

“It’s over, Kairi,” Riku answered with a sigh, anticipating my train of thought all too easily. “Nothing’s coming. My dreams are just what you said they were: nightmares.”

I folded my sweaty arms and pouted. “You can’t even humor me for a second, can you?”

Riku laughed, each smile line disguising the anguish which had shaped his face only moments ago. “Sorry, Kiki, you’re just starting to turn into a broken record is all. I don’t think a day has passed in almost a month where you haven’t bugged me about teaching you to fight.”

“If you would just give in and do what I ask, I wouldn’t have to bug you about it anymore,” I pointed out, batting my eyes sweetly.

Riku wrinkled his nose. “Oh, stop that. The puppy eyes won’t work on my any more. Save it for Sora. Besides, you’re all sweaty and flushed and kinda gross-looking right now anyhow…”

“Oh, shut up!” Growling, I punched him in the shoulder as he continued to laugh at me.

“Whoa, chill, you know I’m just kidding.” He rubbed his shoulder, examining it with an amused expression. “Damn, you really have been working out though, haven’t you? That might actually leave a bruise…”

I rolled my eyes. “Okay, you can stop teasing me any time now.”

“No, I’m serious.” He reached out his strong hand, sun-kissed and calloused, and grabbed hold of my arm. “You’ve got some free weights at home?”

I nodded cautiously, not sure if he was being sincere or just making fun of me some more.

He nodded in return. “You should try some reps of these,” he said, gently guiding my arms into different angles. “Strengthen these muscles here, see? That’ll help when you’re handling a weapon.”

Scoffing, I yanked my arm out of his hand and turned away from him. “Gee, thanks for the heads up. Won’t do me much good to be able to lift a weapon if no one will show me what to do with one, though, will it?”

As I stared angrily at the vast blue ocean in front of me, I heard Riku sigh. After a moment of standing in the morning’s silence, he stepped closer to me.

“You’ve been running like this every morning?” he asked.

I nodded.

“How far?”

“Four miles. I’m almost ready for five, I think.”

“And what else?”

“A round of weights after my run, and an hour of yoga before bed. I try to get in an extra hour of cardio on the weekends, too, if I don’t have too much homework.”

Riku paused, and sighed again. “You’re pretty serious, I guess.”

I clenched my fists. “Of  _ course _ I’m serious! Haven’t I been saying for weeks that I’m serious? Am I really that much of a joke to everyone?”

Riku smiled thoughtfully, and I felt uncomfortable as his weary eyes assessed me. “Easy, girl. You’re kinda cute when you’re mad, though.”

I lowered my eyes at him. “Stop patronizing me.”

My oldest friend chuckled. “Sorry. You just make it so easy. Tell you what. We can start sparring together after school. I’ll teach you what I can. Just do me one favor in return.”

I felt my heart stumble a few beats forward, astonished to finally hear those words I so wanted to hear. “Anything!” I squealed, squeezing Riku’s arm giddily.

The smile perched on his smug face widened. “Let Sora kiss you already.”

Immediately, I was thankful that my face was already so flushed from running, because I didn’t particularly want Riku to see how hard I was blushing.

“What?” I choked on my words. That nervous, embarrassing feeling in my stomach returned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Riku rolled his eyes. “Please don’t make me spell it out. Sora likes you, you like Sora. He says he’s been trying to find a way to kiss you for weeks, but you always make it awkward. He’s starting to freak out, and so  _ I _ have to hear him bitch and whine about how you don’t like him back. I’m tired of it, honestly, so can you just get it over with already?”

I held my breath for a moment, blushing furiously, while Riku’s smug eyes stared me down. Sighing, I nodded awkwardly, and Riku patted my shoulder with a chuckle.

So there were now two major goals at the top of my to-do list: learn to fight, and learn to kiss.


	3. irreversible

My mind was in another place completely. The bright island colors and the seabird songs overhead were muted as all of my senses focused entirely on the movements of Riku’s body and the small patch of sand between us. My calves and quads throbbed with burning hurt as I shuffled my feet, struggling to angle my body to prevent the blows from Riku’s wooden sword.

“Block! Parry!” he shouted, swinging his heavy weapon towards me furiously. I was always surprised when my body reacted in time. In the heat of a fight, there was never enough time for thoughts to move from my head to the rest of my body. It simply had to be instinctual, primal. I had to let it consume me completely.

“Kairi! Kaiiiiii-riiiiiii!”

Her high pitched squeal barely registered in my mind as it carried over the empty beach. I could only hear my thundering lungs as I panted desperately for breath, dodging Riku’s blows and swinging the wooden blade in my hand with as much control as I could muster. Sprays of sand scattered around our feet as we shuffled violently across the shore.

“Kairi, hey! Hey Kairi!”

It only took a split second. A split second for my mind to leave the fight, and take notice of Selphie, waving spastically as she yelled for my attention, and then it was over. Riku’s sword slammed against my shoulder as I failed to block his slash. A second later he had struck me hard at the ankles and knocked me onto my butt. My head spun wildly as I lay sprawled in the sand, covered in sweat, stinging with the ache of defeat.

I sighed as I sat up. Riku was laughing, and Selphie smacked his shoulder.

“That’s not funny!” she scolded, her lips pursed in disapproval. “You can’t go around beating up girls, Riku! No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend, sheesh.” She turned to me with a gaze of equal reproach. “Kairi, are you crazy? I don’t see how this can possibly be any fun…”

She reached out her delicate hand and helped me to my feet. I rubbed my shoulder, which was certain to be bruised by the next morning. I would have to wear something long-sleeved to cover it; no sense in having Sora get overly concerned over a few silly scratches.

“It was fun when I was winning,” I grumbled, brushing the sand off my pink cotton shorts. I was furious at how quickly Riku had gained an advantage. You couldn’t be distracted for a single moment. There were just so many things to think of at once… I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to keep it up.

Riku gave me a jarring pat on the back. “Don’t kid yourself, Kiki. Even when you were winning, you weren’t really winning. I’m still taking it easy on you.”

Selphie simultaneously rolled her eyes and shuddered. The idea of me and boys and fighting was something she clearly did not care to think about.

“Well if the two of you are  _ quite  _ finished,” she said with a motherly air of impatience, “Kairi and I are  _ supposed  _ to be working on our homework assignment.”

Reluctantly, I shook hands with Riku and bid him farewell for the night, rather displeased with ending my training all for the sake of something as mundane as a school project.

-o-o-o-

An hour later, a cloud of steam and floral scented shampoo wafted out of my bathroom door as I rejoined Selphie in my bedroom. It had been at her insistence that I showered before we started our homework.  _ You smell like a boy, _ she had explained, her nose wrinkled.

Which didn’t make sense, really. I thought we were supposed to like the way boys smelled.

I pretzeled my legs into a comfy position on my bedroom floor, yanking pages of notes and sketches from my binder and displaying them across the carpet for Selphie.

“This is what I have so far,” I said, indicating the extensive assortment of complicated notes.

Selphie pouted as she plopped down on the floor beside me. “I thought we picked fairy tales for our topic because they were  _ easy, _ ” she drawled. She sighed as she examined one of my drawings. “And romantic. Why do you have to go all over-achiever on me and make it complicated?”

I grinned slightly at the charming dismay in Selphie’s baby-doll eyes. “It’s not  _ that  _ complicated,” I said simply, though my friend was clearly not convinced. “I was just trying to remember all the old stories we used to tell each other and act out on the island, and then I started making lists of common themes. There’s almost always a boy and a girl and evil force of some kind. Usually a woman; a mystic or a witch or something. The major conflict always comes when the boy and the girl can’t get together because of some epic obstacle, which is usually a magic spell.” I pointed to one of my pages, indicating a diagram I had drawn. “The spells always have a deadline, which of course is the literary device used to create suspense, and it’s always resolved through some kind of self-sacrifice.”

“Or a kiss,” Selphie said.

My next sentence stopped short at my lips as I paused in confusion, looking up from the notes and diagrams in which I was so involved. “A… what?” I was sure that I was blushing.

“A kiss,” she insisted again, as if I were missing something incredibly obvious. “You know, ‘true love’s kiss.’ It was in all of our favorites. The spell is broken when the prince kisses the princess. But it has to be the kiss of true love.” She smiled dreamily. “Soooo romantic.”

My cheeks continued to glow scarlet. “Um, right. True love’s kiss. That’s a good one, Selphie, I hadn’t even thought of it.” I reached for my pen and scribbled  _ true love’s kiss _ at the bottom of my list. “So you see, all those old fairy tales we loved when we were kids are actually really similar. I think we could write our essay on the common themes and devices that fairy tales use, and explain why they’re there.”

Selphie’s brow crumpled in exasperation. “Why they’re there? What does that even mean?”

“It can’t be just a coincidence that all these fairy tales use the same themes and clichés over and over again,” I said emphatically, articulating my point by smacking my diagrams with my pen. “Fairy tales are for children. They teach children the basic values of a community.”

“…so?”

“ _ So, _ Selphie, in our essay we should look at how these fairy tales impact our understanding of the adult world. Like, what are these fairy tales teaching us to expect out of life? Why is every freaking fairy tale about some helpless princess waiting on a prince charming to save her? I mean, Sleeping Beauty? She’s asleep for half the story!”

Selphie frowned. “But I love Sleeping Beauty. It’s one of my favorites. It used to be  _ our _ favorite, remember?” 

The look of disappointment on her face just then was brutal; it was something I’d never really seen before. Selphie and I had grown up loving all the same things, finishing each other’s sentences. But a gap between us was growing, and it hurt. Selphie continued, cautiously. “I think maybe you’re over-thinking all this. They’re just fairy tales, after all. You’re being kind of weird about everything lately, you know?”

I could only bite my tongue and stare at my scattered notes, avoiding Selphie’s eyes. She wasn’t the only one to tell me I’d been acting weird. Moody, some said. Distant.  _ Different. _ But how could I act any other way? Everything  _ was _ different now. So completely, so overwhelmingly different that I couldn’t even put it into words. I could only  _ feel  _ it. Between me and Selphie, between me and Sora, between me and everything I thought I knew about this island… things were changing. Life on Destiny Islands had been so consistent my entire childhood, and I had loved the comfort of that consistency. I had loved my island.

But somehow… nothing looked or felt the same any more. Every day, another unanswered question would start burning inside me and change the way I saw things. Every day, I felt like I was waking up with a new pair of eyes.

And even  _ that _ wasn’t the worst of it. There was much more looming over me than just my teenage angst. There were worlds and worlds of mysteries out there, torturing me with devastating possibilities. How could I explain to Selphie that Sleeping Beauty  _ wasn’t _ just a fairy tale? That she was a real princess, with a real story, and that actually  _ I _ was a real princess, with a history I knew practically nothing about? And somehow, somewhere in that vast universe of worlds that Selphie knew nothing about, where my story and Aurora’s and countless others intersected, the fate of all worlds was at stake?

I sighed and started gathering up the notes, shoving them back inside my binder. 

“You’re right, Selphie,” I said. I’d never been so dishonest with her before. I’d never felt like I had to hide my true feelings. But these days, my feelings were too much, even for me. “I guess I got carried away. Why don’t we call it a night for now, and we can start brainstorming different ideas tomorrow after school?”

Selphie pouted. “But… we just started. We barely got anything done.”

I rubbed my temples. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m really tired, you know? I think I’d just like to go to bed early tonight.”

-o-o-o-

For what felt like hours, I laid with my damp hair against the pillow, staring endlessly at the moonlight pouring through the window. I was exhausted, every muscle in my body burning from the day’s sparring with Riku, but I couldn’t sleep. I only had about fifteen million thoughts spinning in my brain, after all. 

I was unsettled that Selphie was upset with me, and that I couldn’t explain to her why I was acting this way.  _ And _ I was still nervous about Sora and how he felt about me. He hadn’t tried to kiss me since I had started my lessons with Riku, which made me ten times as nervous as before. Had he given up? Was  _ I _ supposed to kiss  _ him _ now? Because I didn’t think all the training in the world would make me brave enough to make moves on my own…

On top of that, I sort of felt like Sora was mad at me, too. He seemed to want me back to normal as much as Selphie did, but it was impossible for me to understand how Sora could ever fathom a “normal” life again. After all he had seen, how could he slip so easily into the routine of a carefree teenager? Sora was  _ thrilled _ to be home again. He never wanted to talk about Darkness or Light or Other Worlds again, while those were the exact things on my mind 24-7. Couldn’t he feel it, too? That nagging pain in the bottom of his stomach? Didn’t the memory of Roxas haunt him the way Naminé’s parting words still haunted me?

Maybe part of the difference between us was that I didn’t really feel like I’d come home again. I had loved Destiny Islands without question my entire childhood. Sora and Riku were the ones who liked to romanticize running away, but I had always been truly content. Maybe that’s why the Darkness had taken my heart away on our first journey. Maybe, back then, I wasn’t ready to leave my home.

But after everything… home would never feel the same. I can pinpoint the exact moment, even, when an irreversible change came over my heart. 

I was standing on the beach, watching yet another setting sun, surrounded by the golds and purples of yet another day I felt I had wasted. The feeling came first in my toes, a strange tingle, and then it crept slowly along my calves and into my stomach. I remember a sharp pain in my chest, but also a slight wave of euphoria. It felt sort of warm. I knew it was coming. I could  _ feel _ the Darkness before I could see it.

_ “Maybe waiting isn’t good enough…” _ I had spoken aloud to no one, never dreaming that anyone would ever answer my lonely thoughts on the beach.

And then Axel appeared, his dull cackle echoing over the ocean.

_ “My thoughts exactly. If you have a dream, don’t wait. Act.” _

He was a towering figure, at least a foot taller than me. His dark cloak draped around his rigid body and carelessly dragged along the sand. I remembered his sharp green eyes, those coy black diamonds hanging beneath them, as he examined me with a devious smile. His flaming red mane framed his confident face and honestly, he terrified me. I had never seen that kind of boy before. A man, almost. His tortured eyes tore right through me.

My heart was pounding, and the very moment that I wished for an escape from this scary boy, that dark portal appeared right beside me. As if I had asked, and someone had answered.  _ Like it listens to me, _ I remember thinking.

I had no way of knowing what was on the other side, but somehow, I wasn’t afraid. As I leapt into the Darkness, I could feel warm strings of Light guiding me along. I could feel Naminé’s strange magic reaching out to me even then.

After walking through the Darkness, I was changed. Suddenly, there were questions. Suddenly, Destiny Islands wasn’t enough. Suddenly, there was so much more I wanted to know, and I didn’t know how to make that wanting go away.


	4. message in a bottle

I found myself struggling to stay awake as I sat at my lunch table, unable to eat a thing.

“You look like Swamp Thing,” Riku barked at me, laughing with his mouth full of tuna sandwich.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. My spinning thoughts had kept me up all night, and the result was me looking not so princess-like at school the next day. My eyes were bloodshot as I gazed mindlessly at the cold macaroni on my tray, and I could feel the cotton strap of my bra hanging carelessly off my shoulder. I’d barely paid attention to a word Sora and Riku had said all lunch period, let alone any of the lessons my teachers may have tried to drill into my head. My mind was already too full; there was no room for anything else. It was starting to feel as heavy as my eyelids, which unfortunately insisted on repeatedly dropping shut again as I drifted towards sleep…

“Kairi, uh, are you alright?” said Sora’s gentle voice, as he placed his gentle hands on my shoulder and rocked me awake again. Self-consciously, I pulled away from him, trying as discreetly as possible to tuck my incriminating bra strap away; back under my shirt, where the bra straps of well-behaved, well-rested young princesses belonged.

“Wake up, Swamp Thing!” Riku bellowed, less gently. His laughter continued as he pelted me with a French fry.

Taking a decisive pause to give Riku a good hard glare, I then turned to Sora and forced a smile. “I’m fine, just tired. I couldn’t sleep last night.”

Sora frowned. “That’s a pretty nasty bruise on your arm… is that what kept you up? Does it hurt?”

I flinched in embarrassment. Damn it. I’d forgotten all about the long sleeves I’d meant to wear to conceal my sparring damages. I cleared my throat uncomfortably. “Oh this? No no, it’s fine. I honestly can’t even feel it.”

He watched me in disbelief, but before he could utter another word of over-the-top concern, Riku interrupted.

“Let me guess, then… you were up all night writing an extra credit essay on Lewis Carroll, right, overachiever?”

I sighed, unable to be either amused or annoyed by Riku’s teasing. Nothing seemed funny or cute when you were bruised, sore, riddled with confusion, about to start your period, and running on four hours of sleep. I suddenly wished I was the kind of girl who cut class.

“No,” I said wearily. “I just… couldn’t sleep. Simple as that.”

Simple as that. Simple as… nothing, really. Nothing was simple any more. The avalanche of distressing thoughts that had circled my mind all night was still churning and nagging at me.

“Sora, do you remember Axel?” I found myself asking. I couldn’t get his face out of my mind. The memory of his appearance, which had so irreversibly altered my path, was haunting.

Riku and Sora exchanged perplexed glances at my unexpected question.

“Hmm, yeah….” Sora responded slowly. “The Nobody.”

I nodded. “Right. Naminé said that he saved your life. Is that true?”

It was clear from the dull glimmer in the corners of his eyes that his experience with Axel was one of many battles Sora didn’t care to remember. His voice was fragile as he continued. “Yes. He did. He died protecting us from the Dusks.”

I held my breath during the silence that followed. Sora shook his head with a deadened smirk on his face.

“It’s funny you should ask, actually, because he mentioned you, Kairi.”

Stunned, I felt my heart drop three inches in my chest. “What?  _ Me _ ?”

Sora nodded. “Yeah. He wanted me to tell you he was sorry for what he did to you… And I told him he could tell you himself… but…” His words fell short in his mouth, so unpleasant was the memory of watching Axel die.

But Axel  _ hadn’t _ died. I had seen Naminé save him with my own eyes. I had helped her even, although I didn’t really understand how. I’d been so reluctant and afraid to offer aid to someone I considered a villain, and this new information made me even more perplexed. I barely knew him. I was nothing more than a target to him, a means to an end. Nobodies weren’t supposed to feel things like remorse… why would he bother thinking of me with his dying thoughts?

It was strange that I couldn’t bring myself to tell Sora what had really happened to Axel. Sora left Axel for dead, and for some reason, I didn’t feel compelled to tell him the truth. Was that the same as lying?

There was nothing more to say for the rest of the lunch. My questions had unearthed painful memories for my two friends, and it left us pretty much silent.

The bell rang to signal the end of lunch period, and as the three of us parted ways to go to class, I felt my feet drag. Then I felt them stop. I looked around slowly, at the hustle and bustle of high school students. They were all far too busy in their own worlds to pay attention to me. On the heels of my white sneakers, I turned around, and felt a rush of excitement as I walked in the opposite direction of English class and towards the door, out of the building, off the school’s campus, not looking back for a second.

-o-o-o-

I had never skipped class before. I had never been anywhere, really, except for where I was supposed to be. If I were a bad girl, I would know about all the best hidey holes; the bridges worth making out under, the dumpsters worth drinking behind. But I had always been a good girl, and consequently, I could think of no better place to hideout than my own house.

I sighed, tiptoeing across the soft carpet of my living room, staring at the evidence of my perpetual good-girl-dom stacked neatly along the mantel. Proudly displayed above the fireplace were my junior dance team trophies, my annual academic gold stars, my Volunteer of the Year award. I stared at the crisp row of pictures of me, smiling in a white dress as I stood next to my adoptive father, cutting countless ribbons at town events. 

I felt sick to my stomach, staring at those old pictures. I was Destiny Islands’ golden girl. A mysterious arrival from another world, foster-parented by Mayor Miyake himself and adopted by the whole community with open arms. Why had I never wondered before where I’d come from? Only once I had stepped through that portal, once I had tasted the Darkness, did I feel like something was missing.

I sighed. I couldn’t keep thinking in circles like this. I wandered into my bedroom, similarly decorated in my good-girl glory, and threw my tired body on top of the pink down comforter. Sleeplessness caught up to me in mere seconds, shoving away my head full of thoughts, and I was soon passed out cold.

-o-o-o-

I woke up startled. The room was dimmer than when I’d fallen asleep. When I recognized the shifting pink and purple hues of the sunset outside, I realized I’d been passed out for hours. Cautiously, I exited my house, hoping I wouldn’t run into Mayor Miyake and potentially have to explain my absence from school.

I managed my escape without difficulty, and decided to head for the play-island where I assumed I would find Riku and Sora.

I arrived on the island and tethered the row boat to the dock. It was quieter than usual. I supposed people must have had a lot of homework that night. Nonetheless, I noticed Sora’s boat at the dock, so I began scanning the beach for signs of him or Riku. As I strolled along to investigate the island more thoroughly, I stubbed my toe on something hard and cylindrical jutting out of the sand.

“Damn it,” I muttered, still a little groggy from my nap. I bent over to inspect the culprit of my injury, and slowly pulled out a glass bottle from where it was half-buried on the beach. Squinting, I noticed the rolled up parchment inside. Squinting harder still, I recognized that it was sealed shut with an emblem shaped like the familiar face and giant ears of a friendly mouse I’d once met.

My heart stopped.

“Oh my god,” I whispered. I looked frantically from left to right, clutching the bottle in my hands. I had to find Sora. I started scurrying around the island, and at last I heard the familiar voice of my two best friends.

“Nothing’s changed, huh?” the voice of Riku echoed over the palm trees.

“Nope,” Sora answered. It was coming from the small plateau off the edge of the island. “Nothing will.”

I shot off running towards them as fast as I could. My heart was racing as I jogged, squeezing the bottle for dear life. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. This was it. A message from the king. Something was  _ happening, _ just like I knew it would. Just like Naminé had warned me. The king would need Sora, and Sora would need me.

The rickety wooden bridge that connected the island to the plateau rattled beneath me as my feet trod forcefully along it. I spotted them there, resting by the gnarled old palm where we used to muse about the world outside our home.

“Sora! Riku!” I chanted, kicking sand around as I skidded to a halt. Bent over, I struggled to catch my breath.

“Hey, what’s up?” Sora asked, the usual edge of concern in his voice.

I held out the bottle triumphantly, still breathing hard. “Look.”

I immediately felt Sora and Riku go tense. “From the king?” Sora questioned, furiously uncorking the bottle and pulling out the letter.

Finally, they would have to admit that I was right. I hovered over Sora’s shoulder, and silently the three of us read the words written in King Mickey’s whimsical scrawl:

_ Hey fellas! And Kairi, too. I know it hasn’t been that long since we made our goodbyes. I hope everything on the Islands has been swell. It was a real treat to spend some time with you there, and I wanna thank you again for keeping quiet about everything that happened between the worlds. The people don’t need to know. The peace is important. We need people to feel at peace now more than ever. We can’t afford a panic. I can’t say too much in this letter, world order ya know, but what’s important is that I need you. All three of you. I’m sending Donald and Goofy with a vessel as soon as possible. More information to follow. _

_ All my best, _

_ Mickey _

“Geez, how does that guy always manage to be cheerful and super-ominous at the same time?” said Riku, sighing as he concluded the king’s message.

“The letter doesn’t say much…” Sora lamented.

Riku shrugged, a slight grin on his face. “You know Mickey. That guy’s a master of ambiguity. Can you think of a single time he ever came clean about his plans from the get-go?”

Sora frowned. He was obviously distracted. “I guess not.” Sighing heavily, his gaze moved towards me. He locked eyes with me for a moment, and I saw so much sadness in him I couldn’t even bear to say  _ I told you so. _

“Well, whatever it is, he needs us.” Sora looked pointedly at me again, nodding. A silent apology. “All of us. So we’ve got to go.”

I reached out instinctively, taking Sora’s hand. “We’ll go together,” I said.

Sora nodded. “Together.”


	5. departure

The endless black sky above my islands was slowly changing hues, from the deepest midnight black toward a pink morning light. The steadily rising sun cast a faint purple glow against my sweaty skin. Another night full of runaway thoughts had made it impossible to sleep again. Around five in the morning, I gave up trying, and laced up my sneakers for a run.

I was just coming up on the East Dock, the middle point of my usual jogging route before I would loop back up the beach and hit Main Street. At the water’s edge, I noticed the silhouette of a skinny teenage boy, gazing at the rising sun. At the sound of my approaching feet, he turned his head slowly, looking back at me over his shoulder. Even in the murky morning light, Sora and I recognized each other’s faces without hesitation. Linked hearts, since as far back as I could remember, carried those kinds of consequences.

He smiled at me, but it seemed forced. I saw the sadness weighing down his eyes.

“You couldn’t sleep either?” he said, as I slowed my jog to a halt. I stepped slowly towards him and stood beside him.

“No, I guess not,” I answered with a sigh. I watched the ocean, the tide so very far out. “Too much to think about, you know? Today’s a big day.”

Sora nodded. “Another big journey ahead.” He sounded outright morose. I couldn’t stand to hear that agony in his voice. I couldn’t stand to feel that there was nothing I could do for him, the same way I felt when he was off saving worlds, and I was left alone to worry about him.

The sky was brightening, golden strands of sunlight stretching out across the ripples of the ocean. I reached out and took Sora’s hand. I squeezed it tight.

Sora turned and faced me. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. It’s not because of you… I just didn’t  _ want _ to believe you, you know? I didn’t understand why you wanted to fight because I was really just hoping that the fighting was over. I wanted to come home and be with you and just… be normal, again. Me and you.”

His sad eyes washed over me and I felt that nervous feeling in my stomach again. He reached his hands out and placed them on my hips, drawing my body closer to his. I took a deep breath and willingly stepped into his embrace, my eyes locked with his. I was afraid. Afraid of the unknown journey ahead of us, afraid of the changes that were unfolding, afraid of the person I was becoming.

I dove forward and kissed Sora.

He seemed pleased. He kissed me back as hard as he could, tightening his grip around my waist. I liked the way it felt, kissing him as the sun rose around us. It felt comforting.

_ Hold me close, _ I thought as our lips locked.  _ Pull me back to what I know, to what I’ve always known. Make me feel like I’m home again. _

The moment was interrupted by a deep, low chuckle, and a single set of applause. I turned back, blushing, to see Riku approaching us with a mile-wide grin.

“It’s about time!” he teased, laughing. Sora scratched the back of his head, blushing as well. “And not a moment too soon. Not a lot of alone-time on the open road, eh?”

He pointed toward the ocean, and Sora and I turned to see the roaring approach of a gummi ship on the water’s edge. I felt Sora’s hand, still resting on my hip, give a tight squeeze. This was it. Goodbye once more to the Islands, and onward to the unknown of monsters and battles and Darkness. It was strange, I thought, watching the gummi ship cruise toward the shore and come to a rumbling halt right in front of us. Terrified as I was, I felt just the slightest rush of elation. Before us was our destiny, and there was no turning back.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Our absence from Destiny Islands had been explained to our friends and families, in false letters produced by the king, by a lie about some type of temporary study-abroad program. How readily people swallowed easy lies, I mused somewhat darkly to myself, as I stared out the window of the gummi ship. I watched the Islands shrink into tiny yellow dots on a giant blue canvas and realized I hadn’t even said goodbye to anyone.

With Chip and Dale expertly manning the cockpit, I sat with Sora and Riku in the cargo area, facing Donald and Goofy. For the first several minutes on board there was nothing but the cheerful calls of reunion, Sora and Donald and Goofy laughing and hugging again and again. They had been through so much together, I realized, they were almost like family. Donald and Goofy probably knew Sora even better than I did, at this point. They had been with him throughout the strange and pivotal adventures which would forever change him.

But beyond their jovial greetings, I felt that something was amiss. Their faces were tired, and their hands were badly weathered. Donald did most of the talking, as usual, but he lacked his usual attitude. Goofy never seemed to look anyone directly in the eye.

“Maleficent’s up to no good again,” Donald huffed, once the niceties and greetings subsided and the three of us were barraging him with questions. “She’s taken over the Castle That Never Was, and using all those Heartless that were left behind when Xehanort's artificial Kingdom Hearts was destroyed to build an army.”

“An army of Heartless?” Sora repeated, furrowing his brow.

Donald nodded. “And she’s doing a hell of a job with it, too…”

“Gawrsh, Donald, watch your mouth…” Goofy scolded.

“Aw, phooey! There’s no time for sugarcoating. Maleficent’s grown powerful and she’s done it surprisingly quickly. We should have been here to get you weeks ago, but Maleficent’s taken complete control over the Corridors of Darkness. Warp drive is useless; she’s got sentinels in every corner of hyperspace. We can only travel the old-fashioned way, one world at a time, and it’s dangerous.”

“So what’s next, then?” said Riku. “What’s our strategy?”

Donald paused for a moment and held his breath. He turned towards Goofy. Their eyes met for a moment and Goofy frowned.

“What is it?” Sora prodded, observing Donald and Goofy’s faces anxiously. “Spit it out.”

“We don’t…” Donald began, and then started again. “We can’t tell you just yet. Um, world order, you know. We have a few more people to meet up with, and then we’re going straight to Disney Castle so the King can brief everyone all at once.”

Sora nodded easily, taking Donald’s caution without question. Riku and I exchanged a glance. It was obvious that Donald was hiding something, and for Sora at least, it seemed obvious why. Again I found myself wondering, was hiding the truth the same thing as lying?

-o-o-o-

That night, lying on a rigid bunk bed in the back of the gummi ship, surrounded by the low, heavy snores of Riku and Sora, I couldn’t sleep. I took slow, quiet breaths as I listened to the rumbling noises of interspace whirring outside our ship.  _ Other worlds _ , I mused. It was still such a strange and incredible notion. 

Bathing in my restlessness, I started thinking about the last time I had wandered from Destiny Islands. Fearing Axel and burning with curiosity, I had stepped through the black portal that had appeared on my beach. I had thought of it, at first, as simply a door. But a portal of Darkness isn’t something you walk into, and then walk out of somewhere new. Darkness is a place. Darkness has its own corridors, outside the living world. You don’t move the way you move in a physical realm; you can’t feel your body, but you can feel  _ something. _ Bodiless, you wander, and you feel, and you find your way.

I remembered with a shudder the way the Darkness had swallowed me the first time the Door opened, when Sora went on his first great adventure. From the moment I touched the door to moment I awoke again in Hollow Bastion, I have no memories. Another blank space in my life, just like my childhood. Later, I would be told by others that my heart had stayed safe inside Sora, while the rest of me was swallowed and Naminé was born from my Darkness. But for my own personal memories, all I had was the emptiness.

I flopped over onto my side, sighing in restless frustration and punching the pillows. I was so sick of thinking. So sick of lying in bed unable to sleep, asking myself more questions only to come up with more blanks. I wanted answers.

I hoped this journey would take me to those answers.

-o-o-o-

Sleep didn’t last long. The most my dreams could keep me occupied was three hours, and I found myself wide awake again, tossing and turning. I crawled out of my bunk and tiptoed past Sora and Riku, who were still snoring. I was hoping to find something to drink or snack in the cargo bay, but my search was stopped short when I heard the sound of soft, mournful sobs. Through the dim lighting, I saw Goofy’s long, lanky silhouette hunched over as he sat on a box of supplies, face buried in his enormous gloved hands. It was a startling sight. The dissonance of this dreary image with my idea of Goofy as unfalteringly cheerful was so glaring that I nearly felt the urge to turn away, and pretend I had never even seen it.

“Goofy?” I said cautiously. I was afraid my voice might shatter the fragile moment. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

The old dog snapped quickly to attention and wiped away his tears. He smiled weakly at me with his droopy puppy lips. “Oh, sorry to wake ya, Kairi,” he said quietly. “I’m alright. Just got things on my mind, is all.”

I sat beside him. “It’s fine. You didn’t wake me. I’ve had a hard time sleeping lately.” He nodded and silence closed in on us. I coughed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Goofy sighed, and fidgeted a little. He wore the same uneasy expression he’d had while Donald was briefing us on all of Maleficent’s developments… like he was desperately holding something in.

“I was thinking about my boy, Max,” he said at last. I could see him fighting tears again.

“I didn’t know you had a son.” I reached out and clasped Goofy’s large hand with my own, trying to soothe him. “How old is he?”

Goofy chuckled softly. “He’s almost nineteen now, real grown up. Can’t believe how fast he’s grown up. O’ course, I haven’t been around so much the past two years.”

I nodded. “Do you miss him?”

“More than anything. I’ve always got him in my mind and in my heart when we’ve been out fighting, but part of the reason I fight is so that my Maxey can be safe. But now… well, things are different now.”

“What things?”

“The King’s always wanted to protect people from the Darkness, and he’s done all he can to make it so that while we’re out there fighting, people don’t know that their worlds are falling apart. That’s what World Order is for. But Maleficent’s army is too strong this time. King Mickey has to build his own army, bigger than just the royal guard or the Keyblade Bearers or even the Restoration Committee. He’s calling out to ordinary citizens to join the military and fight the Heartless.”

“Wow… I guess that’s a pretty big deal.”

Goofy nodded. He held his breath for a moment. And then, “Max enlisted.”

“Your son? He enlisted in Mickey’s army?”

“He was one of the first in Disney Town to sign up. He couldn’t wait… I tried to tell him he didn’t realize how dangerous things were, but he thinks it’s the right thing to do. I guess it is, I just… I never wanted  _ him _ to have to fight. He’s my son; I’m supposed to be able to protect him. But out there, my protection only means so much.”

I could feel his fingers tremble in mine. My heart was pounding and my stomach was churning because I couldn’t think of anything I could possibly say to comfort him. I wanted to tell him that everything would be okay, that everyone would be okay, but I couldn’t find the strength in me to lie like that. What did I know about war and death? How I could say for certain that everything would be okay? I was just a kid. Goofy was sitting here fearing for the life of his son, and I had nothing better to say than,  _ I guess that’s a pretty big deal. _

It was only when I felt his hand and saw his tears did I first comprehend the legitimate reasons I had to be afraid on this journey. For a fleeting moment of clarity, I could understand why the thought of me fighting scared Sora so much. He had seen the things I hadn’t. Sora and his Keyblade had been the vanguard, sheltering me from knowing about so many terrible things.

I thought of Selphie and Tidus and my other friends back home, oblivious to all this. For all they knew, we were off having a carefree time at another high school. They’d probably be expecting postcards. They probably thought they’d be seeing us for Christmas break. They had no idea of the great Darkness that was swallowing worlds. What would become of the helpless home I’d left behind? What if it came for them, before we were able to stop it? What if we weren’t able to stop it?

I squeezed Goofy’s hand and we sat in the dark, my heart pounding with new fears.


	6. the ruined kingdom

It felt like I had only just managed to make myself fall back asleep when I heard Sora and Riku shuffling loudly around me.

“We’re here,” Sora said softly beside my ear. He gave my shoulder a gentle nudge. “The gummi ship’s landed at Radiant Garden.”

Sleepily, I pulled on my jacket and lagged behind the crew as we filed off of the ship. The sun was white and harsh in a cloudless cerulean sky, glittering on the busy streets of Radiant Garden’s inner city. The edifices that lined the narrow streets seemed freshly thrown together, though the gray stone bricks they were made of were centuries old. It was a city that had once been great, and another time, had been destroyed, and then found itself simply struggling to put together the pieces.

I trailed behind my companions in a sort of daze as we walked through the city, examining every shop and alleyway as if I expected to see something familiar. But the notion was absurd. I may have been born in this place, but I had no memories of it. It was strange to even be here, thinking that if it weren’t for a dramatic change of events, this is where I would have lived my life. I’d had a mother here, and father. I was supposed to be their princess. This was supposed to be my kingdom.

But when I looked around me, I felt nothing. Even if I could remember a single moment from my childhood here, that Radiant Garden was long gone. The World was being rebuilt. All I saw around me were strangers and rubble.

Blindly, I continued following Sora, Donald, and Goofy as they trod through as comfortably as if they had lived a lifetime in this place. We wandered up a long inclining pathway, wrapping around the enormous castle at the center of the city. Its gorgeous sandstone walls loomed over me. I tried to picture myself as a little girl, running freely through this huge castle. 

The incline stretched on until we found ourselves on a low balcony outside the castle. I smiled at the familiar sight of Leon, Yuffie, and Aerith. They were the ones who had watched over me for a time, while I waited in Traverse Town for Sora to save the world.

“Are the others here yet?” Donald asked Leon.

The broad shouldered young man nodded to the duck. “Goliath made it here just before dawn,” he announced. “The others radioed in just now. It looks like they ran into some trouble just outside of Wonderland. They won’t be able to make it until morning.”

Donald clenched his feathered fist. I knew he had a short fuse, but he seemed even more tense than usual. “Well, that’s just great. Now we’ve lost another whole day of travel.”

Leon threw up his hands in apology. “It’s not ideal. But the sooner we’ve assembled our full numbers, the stronger a force we’ll have on our hands. Little hiccups won’t slow us down so much when we’re a solid thirteen. In the meantime, we have more than enough room and accommodations for everyone to be comfortable here in the castle. You can all follow Aerith to the kitchens, if you like, to find a little breakfast.”

“No argument here!” Sora said happily, rubbing his stomach. “I’m starved.”

Aerith smiled. “Right this way, you three,” she said graciously.

As we followed Aerith towards the castle entrance, I noticed Donald and Goofy hanging back. They stayed on the balcony, huddled with Leon, speaking in hurried, hushed tones.

-o-o-o-

“We’ve made so much progress on the Restoration since your last visit, Sora,” Aerith told us as we walked through the castle corridors. “The city is looking more and more like the Radiant Garden I remember from my childhood. Next year we plan to move on full steam ahead with our parks project.”

“If you aren’t starting all over again by next year,” Riku muttered. He had a sincerely sour look on his face as he glanced up and down the ominous stone walls.

Aerith frowned. “Well, we always try to hope for the best. Hope is what makes the light in our hearts stronger.”

“Sure, sure.” There was a tone of apology in Riku’s voice. “Sorry. Being here just, you know, it reminds me so much of Maleficent. I remember, the room at the end of that hall just ahead… that’s the Chapel. That’s where Maleficent and the other villains used to discuss their schemes.”

I felt the heaviness in Riku as his eyes glazed over with memories from the days he’d spent at Maleficent’s side, her faithful servant. I could hardly believe he had been so close with one of our greatest enemies. Looking at his solemn face, it was obvious that he could hardly believe it, either. I remembered the nightmares he had ever since we came home to Destiny Islands, and wondered what terrible things he must have seen alongside Maleficent. I imagined the guilt that ate him alive, as he contemplated the things he himself had done at her bidding.

“I believe in hope, too, Aerith,” Riku pressed. Like he was trying to convince all of us. Like he was trying to convince himself. “But I have to face my enemies realistically, too. We have to humble ourselves, and remember that Maleficent is a force to be reckoned with. We can’t underestimate her. She’ll die a thousand deaths and  _ still _ come back hell-bent on taking over the world. I’ve seen it up close and personal.”

“That’s why this time, we’ve got to stop her for good,” said Sora with a quiet kind of firmness. He gave Riku’s shoulder a reassuring pat.

“And this time we’re together,” I offered. “The three of us. We’ve been separated for all these battles, and she’s never had to face us all together. That’s got to mean something.”

Aerith nodded. “That’s the spirit. Not to mention how powerful we’ll be when the King’s Thirteen has finished gathering together.”

“What exactly is the King’s Thirteen?” asked Sora.

“King Mickey is organizing armies all over the Worlds to launch an attack on Maleficent. But one of his most important projects is a unit made of thirteen specially chosen warriors.”

“And we’re with the Thirteen?” I asked, mildly stunned. I suddenly became aware of just how much my tiny voice echoed in the enormous castle hallways; of just how small I felt surrounded by all this bigness.

Aerith smirked and tousled my hair. “Of course you are! You’re a part of something very special and very important. The King’s Thirteen will be the final and most crucial line of defense in the coming war.”

Oh, good, I thought. So no pressure.

-o-o-o-

We helped ourselves to a full breakfast and after our stomachs were thoroughly pleased, I suggested that we fill our empty afternoon with a few rounds of sparring. Sora pouted, and Riku let out an exasperated groan, as if I were a small child that never stopped nagging.

“Sheesh, you sure are in a hurry to start fighting,” he teased, giving me a slightly-harder-than-playful shove.

I sighed. This argument, it seemed, was never quite won. “You already made a deal with me, Riku. You promised to spar with me  _ daily _ , and it seems pretty counterintuitive to stop our training routine now of all times, when I’ve actually got real battles ahead of me.”

Riku rolled his eyes. “All right, Kiki, let’s lose all the hundred-dollar words, kay? We’re a loooong ways away from school, you know. Vocabulary’s not going to get you any bonus points on the battlefield.”

“Well,  _ okay _ then, my point exactly. So why don’t we get a little training in? I’m not saying a lot… just maybe two, three hours?”

“Three hours? What am I, your slave?  _ You’re _ the one who’s the newbie here, friend. Why should I have to do all the work to whip you into shape?”

“You  _ promised _ !”

Sora coughed gently, looking for a good spot to edge into the argument. “Hey, guys, chill,” he said carefully. “There’s plenty of time for us to relax today  _ and _ get some training in. Why don’t we give all that breakfast time to settle and meet back up in a few hours?”

“Sounds good to me,” Riku agreed quickly, grinning smugly at me.

“But… why not get it out of the way now and rest later?” I argued.

“There’s no rush, Kairi,” Sora insisted. “We’ll be here all day and we’ve got nowhere else to be. I was thinking that… maybe right now, you and I could… go for a walk.” 

“A walk?” My voice could not have sounded any less enthused. All these two wanted to do was goof off, but I was seriously starting to feel the pressure with all this talk of, you know, war and saving the worlds. “What’s the point of a walk? How about a run, at least?”

At that point, Riku burst into explosive laughter.

Sora’s cheeks turned bright pink as he tried not to look at Riku. He scratched his head and stared carefully at the ground. “I just… there’s something around here I saw on my last visit, and I kinda wanted to show it to you. Nothing special, I just… I thought you’d like to go on a walk. And I could show it to you. Just to see.”

Riku’s own cheeks were now pink as well, from trying unsuccessfully to stifle his laughter.

And then, of course, embarrassingly late, I caught on. A  _ walk, _ he meant. A walk with just me and Sora. Just me and Sora alone. Like, a date. Duh. Man. Having my two closest friends be boys all my life sure had conditioned me to ignore those kinds of cues. I had been “alone” with Sora tons of times in our childhood… but now, I supposed, us being alone meant something different.

“Um, well… sure,” I said awkwardly, hoping for a smooth recovery. “I guess sparring could wait. We could… yeah. Go for a walk.”

Sora audibly sighed in relief. Riku managed to catch his breath, wiping a tear from his eye for good measure, and slapped us both on the backs. “Well, that sounds pretty nice, actually. Mind if I come along? You won’t even know I’m there.”

Sora’s cheeks dove a deeper shade of fuschia. I glared.

Riku laughed and slapped us again. “Kidding. Sorry. You guys make it so easy! I’ll, uh, leave you kids to it. Let’s see if I can find any trouble to get into on my own around here. Shouldn’t be too hard…”

I found myself listening too carefully to the soft plod of Riku’s boots as he walked away. The sound of his boots signaled something too enormous for me to really deal with. There I was, alone, with Sora. His cheeks blushed pink as he blue eyes looked at me.

“So, it’s this way,” he said, stretching out his hand. 

He led me down the crumbling alley, through the rubble of what had once been part of the castle’s bailey. Beyond the ruined fortifications were winding tunnels of crag, a precarious walkway carved into the cliff that gave way to the crevasse below. 

“Here,” he said at last. He reached out his hand and I awkwardly roped my sweaty fingers through his. He walked me to the edge of the cliff at a naturally terraced opening, and my breath caught in my chest. 

“It’s incredible,” I said, gazing outward. I could see for miles and miles into the countryside of Radiant Garden, barren hills where life had not yet returned. It was breathtaking, but also horrifying. What had this ruined kingdom been, before Ansem’s experiments? How many cottages and farms had once filled this countryside, only to be swallowed up by Heartless?

How could this place be  _ my _ kingdom?

I returned from my wandering thoughts to the moment at hand, remembering the boy beside me who held my hand. I could see that Sora’s chest was rapidly rising and falling. I could almost hear his racing heartbeat. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

He smiled softly. “I’m scared, I guess.” He pulled me closer to him, facing him now.

“You’re scared? You have no idea. I mean, last night I talked to Goofy and he’s worried about his son and now being here, remembering everything that’s already happened and poor Riku and his nightmares and just all the pressure….”

“No, I mean… Nah, I’m not scared about that kind of stuff. I’m scared of  _ this _ . You know, you. I don’t know what it is.” 

“Come on. You’re never scared of anything.”

“I’m scared of this.” He placed his free hand on my hip, leading me closer and closer to his body. I could now feel his heavy-breathing chest on mine. “I’ve... You know I’ve had feelings for you for so long. Even during all the battles, all the journeys, all I could think about was getting back to you.”

I blushed and my stomach squirmed. Loving Sora had always come naturally to me, but  _ this _ kind of love... physical love, passionate love... I guess I was just as scared as Sora was.

Timidly, I reached out and placed my hand on his face. I looked into his eyes; I had never been this close to them before. It was strange, I thought, that if you got close enough to someone’s face, it suddenly looked brand new. The cracks and contours of his skin seemed like foreign terrain up close.

I had no more time to contemplate when he dove forward and kissed me. A slight shudder went through me as he tightened his hands on my hips. I dipped my head slightly, resting the weight of my body against his. I wrapped my arms tighter around Sora. 

Far away from us, children were enlisting in armies, Donald was keeping secrets, and Heartless were eating souls whole, as we made out in the high noon sun.


	7. membership card

If I had been nervous at any point that I was in desperate need of learning to kiss and learning to fight, that single day in Radiant Garden gave me an ample education in both. I spent a healthy portion of my afternoon cuddling and making out with Sora on the precipice, and the next several hours of our evening sparring with Riku. Both of these activities were profoundly disparate but equally euphoric. Both made me reconsider my body and myself, in two wildly different ways. My body could be used to kill. It could also be used to love.

After dinner, I found a small courtyard garden and spent an hour on my yoga practice, alone beside the gentle water of a koi pond. The tension in my exhausted muscles eased, the butterflies in my stomach cleared away, and slowly I drifted into the intense and all-consuming focus of yoga. In the brief serenity that came just as I ended my final pose, I had the fleeting sensation that maybe, just maybe, I could handle what lay ahead.

My serenity was shattered when I heard footsteps. I sat up, snapping immediately out of my calm, deep-breathing state and into that frantic uneasy feeling that had been so familiar lately. When I glanced at the courtyard gate, I saw Leon enter and walk towards me.

“It’s typically considered disrespectful to disturb someone during their practice,” I told him with a heavy sigh. I reached for the towel beside me and dipped it into the cool pond water.

“I’m sorry,” Leon said quietly. “I thought you were finished.”

“No worries.” His eyes looked so genuinely unsettled that I felt bad for snapping at him. It wasn’t his fault that I was so tense, and needed my few moments of peace so desperately, after all. I took the wet towel and brought it to my flushed face. “You weren’t wrong. I am finished. I was just hoping to make that yoga buzz last as long as possible. Before I start worrying again.”

Leon dropped comfortably to his knees and sat down beside me in the grass. “Worry?” he probed. “Worry about what?”

I tried to crack a smile. “Oh, you know… everything.”

Leon nodded. “I guess there might be a thing or two worth worrying about these days. It can’t be easy being a teenager on top of it all. You know, I was about your age when things first started falling apart here in Radiant Garden. Life was so perfect when I was a kid, and then as I got older… the city turned into a nightmare. Ansem… well, Xehanort, I suppose, took over. The citizens fought amongst themselves. We were all uprooted from our homes. We left this place as children, but we came back as very different people.”

I frowned and nodded. I realized that these terrible memories of his must have been my memories, too, buried somewhere deep.

“I know that I was here when all of that was happening,” I said to him, confiding an agony I hadn’t really shared with anyone before. “But I… I can’t remember any of it. I don’t remember anything but Destiny Islands. Is that weird, that I don’t remember? I was seven when I was found on the Islands. Shouldn’t I remember  _ something _ before seven? Sora and Riku remember all kinds of things from when they were little but I…” The breaks in my speech and the blanks in my mind were so frustrating. There was something missing in me. “I can’t remember it. I just can’t.”

“You probably never wanted to remember it, Kairi, to be perfectly honest. You were born into the chaos of Xehanort's slow takeover. It was a terrible time. God knows we all block a lot of it out, whenever we can.”

I could only shrug. “Well I think I might like to remember, if I could. Just to know… I don’t know. To know who I am. Or where I came from, at least.”

Leon nodded. He reached out and touched my shoulder, which startled me a little. “I know that we don’t know each other well, Kairi, but all of us think of you very fondly. You’re part of our home, and our people. I don’t know if anyone ever explained this to you, but Ansem the Wise- the real Ansem- he was your uncle. His brother, your father, lived here in this castle with you once upon a time.” There was a soothing resonance to Leon’s voice. Like a big brother. Or at least what I imagined a big brother to sound like. I knew so little of family.

My uncle, I realized-- I had actually met him, briefly. He called himself DiZ, then, a man too destroyed to acknowledge his true self. He was a passing stranger in my memory, but if I had only known, I might have been able to savor a moment with the only relative I’d ever been in contact with.

Leon sighed, as if he was hesitating over the next words he was about to spill. “I know this probably isn’t the time to talk about it,” he began cautiously. I leaned in closer as my curiosity grew. “But a lot of things are about to unfold, and we’ll soon be so caught up in our mission that this might be the only time I can speak to you alone. I want you to know that Radiant Garden is always your home, and you’ll always be welcome here. And if you wanted to be part of the Restoration Committee… we’d be honored to have you.”

I bit my lip. I wasn’t really sure where he was going with this offer. Big deal: join the Restoration Committee. Sora was a member, of course. I guessed this was some kind of publicity nod. Again I tried to force a smile.

“Oh, well, that’s very nice of you,” I said, shrugging awkwardly. “I mean, I don’t know what good I could do, but I’m glad you guys thought of me.”

Leon looked away, distracted by other thoughts. “Of course it doesn’t mean much  _ now _ , since we’ll all be taking a little hiatus from our current obligations to help the king. But I’d like it if you kept it in the back of your mind. I’d like you to… consider your options. Consider what you might like to do with your future, when the war is over.”

“My… future?” Suddenly, this seemed a lot bigger than a membership card.

Leon met my eyes pointedly. “You are the rightful heir to the throne, Kairi. The Committee is acting as an interim government, but when these darker days have passed, we’d like to see the monarchy restored. We’d like to see  _ you _ bring the rightful leadership back to Radiant Garden.”

My brain went numb for a second. All I could hear between my ears was a dull rumble of panic and something that sounded a bit like,  _ Holy. Shit. _

“You want me to be… the leader? You want me to be a  _ princess _ ?”

Leon smirked a little. “Well, you already are a princess. And in the proper time frame, you could be queen.”

“You want me to be  _ queen? _ Um, wow. Okay. Yoga buzz is totally gone now. I think I’m going to throw up…”

I bent forward and pressed my hand to my face, actually struggling to catch my breath. I hoped to god I wouldn’t faint, as I didn’t think I could stand to feel any more embarrassed by that moment. I mean, queen? QUEEN? He had to be joking. I had only just turned sixteen. Sure, I could handle dance team captain or class president, but leader of an entire world? Freaking Queen Kairi? 

I was getting dizzy. I was definitely going to faint. I looked up and tried to pick a visual to focus on, something to give me a sense of balance. Directly in front of me there was an enormous stone statue. It was some kind of winged monster, leering in a crouching pose. I focused on its stony face and took deep, metered breaths. One. Two…

On three, I screamed. Because on three, the giant statue in front of me exploded, spraying dust and rubble in every direction. On four, the dust had settled, and by five, a living, breathing monster stood where the statue had been, glaring at me with its burning yellow eyes.

It took mere seconds for Sora and Riku to come barging into the courtyard from the western gate, Keyblades waving wildly in the air, and in the next instant the eastern gate swung open as well. Yuffie cartwheeled inside excitedly with Aerith jogging close behind. I realized, staring up at the giant creature that towered over me as he roared and stretched out his enormous wings, that I was in fact still screaming.

“Whoa, whoa, everybody calm down!” Leon commanded, throwing himself in between the monster and the quartet of charging warriors. I clamped my hand over my mouth to shut myself up. Leon chuckled a bit as everyone skidded to a halt. Gracefully, he gestured to the beast standing behind him. “Guys, I’d like you to meet Goliath. He’s our guest. And our teammate. Goliath, these trigger-happy kids are part of Mickey’s crew.”

The stoic beast bowed politely. “An honor to meet you all,” he said, gazing at each of us humbly.

Slowly, everyone put away their weapons, looking a little sheepish.

“Sorry about the, uh, welcome wagon,” Yuffie said with a giggle, scratching the back of her head. “We’ve been hurtin’ for some action around here and we heard Kairi scream and… aaaaaaaaaanyway. I’m Yuffie, this is Aerith, that’s Sora and Riku and, well, obviously you’ve met Kairi.”

I blushed. “Um. Hi,” I chirped. “Sorry for screaming.”

Goliath smiled and stretched out his monstrous hand to me. I placed my hand in his stony, claw-ended fingers and he gingerly helped me to my feet. His violet reptilian wings, frightening when fully extended, rested comfortably on his shoulders like a cloak when retracted. It gave him a more distinguished appearance, which was welcome, given he wore nothing but a draping loin cloth. His flesh was an unnatural shade of purple, but the closer I looked into his face, framed by a mane of black hair, the more human he looked to me. 

“It isn’t the first time my presence has raised an alarm,” he explained. “My kind are notorious for being, shall we say, misread.”

“So you’re a gargoyle, right?” said Sora, observing him with interest. “Stone by day, living by night?”

Goliath nodded. “I’m sorry my awakening could not be a bit more discrete.”

Sora grinned toothily. “Heh. Cool.”

Riku eyed Goliath with a look of contemplation. That was always the way with those two, I knew. Sora accepted everything openly and with enthusiasm, while Riku always reserved judgment and let his thoughts marinate silently. Riku was inclined to be cynical, of course.

“That must be a challenging existence,” said Riku. His voice seemed more laced with sympathy than suspicion. “To be vulnerable during the day like that.”

“It is indeed a weakness,” Goliath answered confidently. “But I have found that true strength is gained through the trials inherent in overcoming your weaknesses. My clan has been through countless tragedies, but in suffering there is redemption. Rising to each challenge has only made us stronger.”

A stunned silence weighed on us for a moment. It was sobering how easily this creature, so harsh in appearance, could emit such a string of elegant wisdom. Sora and Riku were on him in the very next minute, bombarding him with questions about gargoyles and his clan and his history. They were so absorbed in getting to know our fascinating new teammate that it was easy for me to fall out of the conversation and make my exit unnoticed. Intriguing though it was to meet my first gargoyle, I still needed more alone time.


	8. the wailing bagpipe

I wandered the endless labyrinthine halls of the castle for hours, hoping in vain to stumble across something that would spark a memory. Something that would spark an undeniable longing to be queen. But I had nothing. This was not my home.

At night, lying under heavy blankets in a guest chamber, I stared at the walls through the darkness. This feeling was getting familiar: lying in bed for hours, waiting for sleep that may or may not come. I didn’t even bother closing my eyes. For some chilling reason, I felt that every time I shut them, Axel’s grinning face appeared in my head. Why couldn’t I stop thinking about him? Of all the things I had to stress over, all the hundreds of intricate thoughts plaguing my anguished teenage mind, Axel was the first thing to surface when I lay in bed. Not my new fling with Sora, not my concern for Riku’s memories of the past, not the possibility of me ruling over an entire world, not the looming possibility of widespread, devastating war… No, it was Axel. A Nobody. A stranger.

With a frustrated sigh, I heaved myself out of bed and put on my shoes. There was no use in tossing and turning all night again. I’d rather have been in motion. I crept out of the room and into the darkened castle hallways, wondering if anyone would see me. Would it cause alarm to have me wandering around while everyone else was asleep? Was midnight a strange time to go for a run?

“Young ladies who slip off in the night are inclined to gain a reputation,” said a somber voice, cutting abruptly through the night’s shadows.

My heartbeat screeched to a halt for one terrifying moment, and then Goliath stepped gracefully into the light. I was still unnerved and astonished at his enormity. How could a creature so massive move so gently, hide so easily from view?

“I can’t sleep,” I said timidly to the gargoyle, forcing myself to meet his eyes. “Lately, I’ve been kind of a night owl.”

Goliath smirked, and I was surprised by how warm his facial expressions were. “You and I would do well to get better acquainted, then. The nighttime is the only time I have. Are you going anywhere in particular on this midnight wandering?”

I shrugged. “I thought I’d go for a jog or something.”

Goliath stretched out his massive hand, which was surprisingly soft for a hand that was stone by day, and placed it sweetly on my shoulder. “If you have no specific destination in mind, I’d be most pleased if you would accompany me, instead. I am meeting with an old friend in the square. It’s best if you stick with someone who knows the city… Radiant Garden is not an entirely safe place, yet.”

I usually found myself stubborn and resistant to people who offered to keep me “safe,” but Goliath seemed different. He intrigued me. I nodded softly and we fell into step together as we left the castle and wandered toward the main business square in the city.

“So you know Radiant Garden well, then?” I asked him as we walked. It was indeed very late, but the streets were far from empty. Small crowds of people wandered from pub to pub, enjoying the nightlife.

“I spent some time here years ago, yes. More troublesome times, of course. My clan and I came to aid those who were oppressed under Ansem’s regime.”

We stopped outside a building called  _ The Wailing Bagpipe _ and Goliath ushered me inside. It was a jubilant pub, dimly lit by candles and filled with the melodies of a single violinist. I felt a sudden, devious giddiness. I’d never been inside a  _ bar _ before.

“Oh crivvens! Look at that there, right before me eyes!” quacked a loud and inebriated voice from a table in the corner, cutting through the noisy chatter of the pub. After a moment, I spotted the old duck who’d shouted it, wearing a plaid smoking jacket and a top hat, and I realized that he wasn’t just shouting at someone; he was shouting at  _ me. _

“Um, excuse me?” I said cautiously, feeling increasingly uncomfortable as the old duck stared at me through his spectacles and pointed dramatically.

He exchanged glances with the younger duck beside him, an enormous muscular guy in a red sweater with goggles perched on top of his ginger-tufted head, and nodded reassuringly. “That’s her alright, I’d recognize her even after all these years! This is the lass, I tell you! Princess Kairi of Radiant Garden. Oh lordy how yeh’ve grown up. Well don’t just stand there, come have a drink with us, young lady… a virgin drink, of course! And bring your, uh…”

The old duck squinted, taking in his first notice of the giant gargoyle behind me. “Well I’ll be a witch’s tit, it’s Goliath!” he chuckled. He slapped his knee. “The two of you are here together? What a delight, a delight. Both of you, come sit!”

Goliath smiled in greeting and guided me to the table. “Scrooge McDuck, old friend. It’s been a long time since we last met here.”

Scrooge nodded with a mildly mournful look, reaching for his mug of beer and taking a foamy slurp. “And longer still since Scotland. We really are getting to be a couple of old fogies, aren’t we?” He pounded his white-feathered fist on the table, which signaled the waitress to appear. He ordered Goliath a whiskey neat, which the noble beast politely declined, and he ordered me a hot apple cider, which I shyly accepted.

“It does an aging soul good to see familiar faces, eh, Goliath?” Scrooge continued. When the waitress brought a fresh round of drinks, he toasted his giant glass mug with my apple cider. “And this, wee little Kairi? A pleasant surprise indeed. You must be at least…. Twelve, thirteen now?”

I blushed and rolled my eyes. “Sixteen,” I corrected gently. I fidgeted for a moment and sipped my apple cider. “And I’m sorry, sir, but I… I don’t actually remember you. I don’t remember anything from my childhood here.”

Scrooge simply nodded, his eyes drooping sadly. He even reached out and gave my shoulder a little pat. “Certainly, certainly, lassie. Such a sad time for the people here! I’m not native to this world, of course, but I’ve been living here going on twenty years. Long enough to have seen its many tragedies. I’m so sorry that you were robbed of a happy childhood here… but all the more reason to celebrate that you are alive and well now!” 

He clinked his glass against mine once more and took another gulp. He shifted his gaze to Goliath. “And as much as I like seeing you again, old friend, it’s a shame it has to be under such dreadful circumstances.”

Goliath nodded. “It is an unfortunate side effect of being a gargoyle. We are protectors, and so you are most likely to see my kind when there is trouble afoot.”

“Damn good protectors, too!” Scrooge asserted, pounding his fist again. The waitress glanced over, thinking she may be needed, and Scrooge apologetically waved her off. “Never was a castle in Scotland better guarded than one with gargoyles around. That’s why I told the King, all those years ago, when the witches were gettin’ killed off, you and your clan were the ones to send for.”

Slowly, I let the warm cider tingle on my lips and I examined Goliath thoughtfully. “Witches?” I asked, unable to silence my curiosity. “You came here to fight witches? Was Maleficent one of them?”

“Bah! Not in the slightest!” Scrooge barked. His companion patted his hand on Scrooge’s shoulder, gently reminding him that perhaps his inebriation was making him inappropriately loud. Scrooge did not seem to notice, and looked pointedly at me over the rim of his mug. “The gargoyles didn’t come to fight the witches, lassie, they came to  _ protect  _ them. A misunderstanding that has plagued Radiant Garden for years is that all witches are bad. What happened to the witches of this city was a mighty sad affair, and  _ you _ , of all people, THE PRINCESS KAIRI HERSELF, SHOULD SURELY KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT WITCHES!”

At this point Scrooge was standing in his seat, and his bulky duck friend had to physically reseat him. I noticed curious and mildly threatening glances in our direction from all around the bar.

“All right, chief, let’s keep it down there,” instructed the big guy. “No need to get riled up and cause a scene in your own bar, eh?” He glanced apologetically at Goliath. “Uh, forgive all this, he may have had a few too many. It’s been kind of a rough day for the old guy. Family troubles, you know? Everybody’s tense nowadays, what with the army enlisting and whispers of Maleficent...”

Goliath nodded in understanding. “You are Launchpad McQuack, I presume?”

Launchpad extended a jovial hand to shake. “At your service.”

Scrooge sighed, clearly displeased to be chided by his younger companion. Nonetheless, he lowered his voice and spoke more calmly to me. “It’s a tragedy to this day. Some people still go around saying the witches caused all the Darkness. But it was Xehanort, you see? Before people caught on to what he was scheming, he tried taking over the government quietly. And all of the killing and soul-eating and terrible things the Heartless were doing, he blamed on the witches. He had the people in hysterics, crying witch left and right, turning over their friends and neighbors for witchcraft. So many innocent people killed.”

“They killed people who weren’t really witches?” I asked.

“Certainly! But they killed  _ real _ witches, too, witches who never caused any harm to anyone. The Circle of Witches in this place were spiritual folk. Peaceful people. They used to be respected for their wisdom, and for their good influence on the crops. But Xehanort made them out to be something Dark.” Suddenly, the drunk duck’s big blue eyes got a little weepy. He even touched my face. “And you, poor little tyke, in the middle of all that mess... You must have been then no older than my poor little Webby is now!”

Rather unexpectedly, the old duck turned to Launchpad and buried his face in his chest, sobbing. Launchpad blushed as he awkwardly tried to comfort his emotional elder. He looked at the two of us with another apologetic shrug. “Family troubles,” he reiterated.

While Launchpad gave Scrooge reassuring pats on the back, I felt my gaze drift to Goliath. I tried to picture him here, with Scrooge, years ago, fighting Heartless and saving witches. I tried so hard to remember myself, a poor little tyke, in the middle of all that mess...

“Goliath,” I said, something clicking suddenly. “Did you know me then? When you and your clan were here, did you know me as a little girl?”

Goliath shook his head somberly. “My arrival was just after your disappearance. It was the height of chaos in this city, just before Xehanort’s true intentions and ties to the Heartless were finally out in the open. We called it the Resistance; the witches, despite being persecuted, swore to defend their innocence and to destroy Xehanort, the true originator of the Darkness. King Mickey supported them, and that is why he summoned my clan. When I arrived, in fact, the word amongst the people was that you had been killed with your parents.”

In an instant, it was as though someone had fired a shotgun at my chest. I struggled to find words. “...Killed?” I mumbled softly.

Goliath’s hand rested upon mine immediately. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that you did not know... I only assumed that surely someone had told you of your past. I never would have mentioned it so carelessly, Kairi...”

I shook my head quickly, still finding my breath. “No... no, it’s fine. I mean, I guess I always assumed that my real parents were dead. I had just never really thought about how.” A hard icy lump formed in my throat at the thought. I knew that I had always avoided thinking about who my real parents were because I was afraid of the harsh truth. Whoever my parents were, I would know them only as ghosts.

Scrooge reached over and pulled me into his warm, feathery arm. “Ah now, don’t fret, wee Kairi. There was plenty of good in this place, too. Why, I remember when you were just a tiny thing. I was frequently around the castle back then, meeting with Ansem the Wise and King Mickey, planning out the possibility of my interworld transit system, of course. And I remember you and your little friend Cale always running around playing games. Such mischief! Precious things.”

My mind dulled with the familiar emptiness I experienced when someone spoke of my past and I had no images to fill the space. “Cale?” I repeated, mindlessly. 

“You mean to say you don’t remember your very first partner in crime? Oh, Cale was a nasty little lad, for certain, but he loved nothing in the world so much as he loved you. I never saw the two of you apart. Everyone in the kingdom was charmed by it, I think. Imagine, to be betrothed so young to your childhood best friend!”

“Um, betrothed?”

Scrooge nodded, unaware that he was blowing my mind with this seemingly trivial detail of the life I’d never known. “Naturally. He was the son of knights, very close to the royal family, chosen to be your husband. You two would have been groomed to be king and queen, of course, but in the time I knew you, you were just wee innocent babes, playing at pretend. And now, well... things changed, as we know. Best laid plans of mice and men… Ugh, bloody mice...” He sighed, suddenly deflating, staring into the foam of his beer. “If you’ll excuse me, ah, I think I’ll be heading to the little drake’s room...” In his drunken daze, Scrooge climbed out from behind the table and stumbled off in the direction of the restrooms.

Launchpad grimaced as he gave another apologetic nod toward Goliath. “Sorry he’s not exactly top of his game tonight, he really was looking forward to see you.”

Goliath smiled warmly. “I can’t say I haven’t seen him in worse states of drunkenness. Though he does seem a little maudlin. He didn’t mention gold or his next big money-making scheme once.”

Goliath had said it with something of a chuckle, but Launchpad’s eyes widened in concern all the same. “Yeah... I would try not to mention anything like that around him tonight. He and his nephew got into a pretty nasty fight earlier over Scrooge’s big interworld transit system. He’s spent years of his life on this project; it’s his pride and joy. The King’s been convincing him to put off production, with the war and everything, but I guess the King finally came clean: He doesn’t want the project to be finished, ever. He told Scrooge to scrap the whole thing.”

“Did the King say why?” Goliath asked.

Launchpad shrugged, and took a gentle sip of his beer. “World order,” he echoed vacantly.

“So Scrooge’s nephew,” I said, cautiously inserting myself into what seemed to be a fairly adult conversation. “That’s Donald, right? What was the argument about?”

“Well, uh, Scrooge has something of a temper. He’s mad at the King, he said some ugly words, and I guess it offended Donald. They’re really close, he and the King. He defended the King, which made Scrooge even angrier, and things just sort of escalated.... Look, you don’t wanna see two McDucks getting into it. When it was all said and done Donald was yelling things like never wanting to see him again, and telling him to stay away from the little guys, too.”

“Little guys?”

“Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Donald’s nephews. And Webby, his adopted niece. Scrooge loves ‘em to bits. It’s just ugly. War. Family troubles. We got a long road of pain ahead of us.” Launchpad took a slurp of his own drink, then.

Goliath nodded somberly. “The centuries have shown me that war is an inevitable tragedy in the rise and fall of societies. But family is one thing we must cling to.”

A quiet fell on us as we waited awkwardly for Scrooge’s return, none of us desiring to extrapolate on the many things we had to be fearful of. I could only sip my cider, and ponder Goliath’s words. Sora and Riku were my family, the one thing I could cling to. But still my heart ached to know more of the family I had long lost.


	9. the coliseum

Goliath and Scrooge had a great deal of catching up to do, more conversation between strangers than I felt I could bear. Even the parts of the conversation that were about me felt alien. Still not the slightest bit tired, I feigned a few yawns and insisted fervently that I could walk myself home. The streets were quieter and darker than when we had arrived, as the bars closed and citizens had ambled home.

Despite my confident stride through the dark streets, once I entered the shadowy path that led to the castle entrance, I couldn’t help the paranoid sensation that someone was watching me. As I quickened my pace, I grew increasingly certain that I could hear footsteps, and even a faint and horrific groan.

I unsheathed my Keyblade, and gasped when it’s faint light cast an inhuman shadow on the gravel path. A Heartless. I’d seen them before, even struck a few down, but somehow that didn’t make me any less terrified. This was the first time I’d faced one alone.

The mouthless creature hissed and leapt toward me, it’s stench unbearably putrid, spindly fingers grasping my throat. I lost control of my Keyblade and stumbled backwards. The Heartless climbed on top of me, choking me. I could almost hear Riku scolding me to never lose focus, and see Sora frowning at my lack of caution.

I reached out helplessly, unable to summon the mental energy to call back my blade. My peripheral vision darkened as my breaths grew stunted, the hands constricting my throat tighter. I was dizzy. I felt consciousness slipping.

A flash of sudden flames whizzed over me, and I felt a wave of relief as the Heartless released its grip and oxygen returned to my lungs. By the time I stood up, all that remained of the creature was the shimmering ghost of a heart, ascending to wherever it was that hearts went.

I looked around frantically, expecting to see Goliath, or even Sora for some reason, but the alleyway seemed abandoned. No foes or friends in sight. Except… just around the corner, I could have sworn I saw a pop of vibrant red color shift in the blackness.

My heart still pounding and throat still aching from the attack, I moved quickly around an empty building toward what I thought was a hint of movement. I walked on and saw nothing, but did I hear footsteps? Voices? I hurried to a jog, following an almost imperceptible hunch, when I heard a door click shut. I stopped in front of a lightless building on the rocky path, its windows barred with yellow caution tape and plywood. I looked up its two humble stories, and then up the hill beyond where the castle was perched. These might have been servants’ quarters, I reasoned, back when the kingdom was thriving.

I pressed my ear to the door. Was this the door my rescuer had entered? Had I really seen anyone at all? Heard a door shut? My stomach turned at the name and face that came to mind, a tall and familiar figure with unmistakable hair… but it couldn’t be. The odds were absurd.

I heard nothing beyond the door. My heightened senses relaxed somewhat, and my thundering heart rate stabilized. Gingerly, I touched my sore neck, wondering where I might scrounge up a Potion back in the castle.

I must have been in shock from the attack. There was no one else around, no one who could have intervened. I walked quickly back towards the castle, sprinting for the last few hundred feet, hoping there were no more Heartless around, either.

-o-o-o-

A ferocious animal roar cut through the quiet of the following morning, shaking me from my fragile sleep. My dreams had been plagued by the rotting smell of Heartless flesh and the teasing hues that reminded me of Axel. Bleary-eyed, I stood up and peered out the window. On the terrace, Sora was wrestling with an enormous full-grown lion. Typical.

Groggily, I dressed myself, feeling like my evening at the pub with Goliath and Scrooge had only just ended. I felt strange, looking at the unfamiliar walls of my guest room. This castle had once been my home. I had played here with a little boy named Cale, while witches and my parents were assassinated before my eyes, and I remembered  _ nothing. _ I suddenly wished we weren’t leaving soon, so that I could spend more time trying to collect the pieces of my past. And then I remembered Leon’s offer, that I could someday return here and be queen...

Too weird to think about, I scolded myself. Too early in the morning, too. I tried to forget about all the overwhelming knowledge yesterday had brought me, and wandered onto the terrace to investigate the source of all the roaring.

Upon closer inspection, I could hear Sora and the lion laughing playfully as they sparred.

“It’s great to see you again, Simba,” Sora beamed, pulling the lion into a hearty embrace.

The lion spoke, surprising me only at first. We were such a long way from home, I remembered, where the creatures were so different. “Good to see you too,” said Simba, bowing his head. “I’d almost forgotten what you looked like as a human. It suits you... you were one ugly lion!”

“Um, you were a lion?” I interjected, suddenly thinking maybe I was still dreaming.

Sora only shrugged. “‘Course. I thought I told you about that... Anyway, what do you mean ugly?”

The two of them chuckled until a cool, husky voice cut through their laughter. “If you two are done flirting, now would be the appropriate time for introductions, Simba.”

The voice came from a young woman standing to the side. Her demeanor was so still and stoic that I had hardly even noticed her. The effect of her voice, and her poised appearance, was chilling. A curtain of silk raven bangs covered most of her pale face, so that I could only see one of her dark, intense eyes. She seemed a little older than Sora and I, but only by a year or two.

Simba dipped his head sheepishly. “Sorry, got caught up there. Sora, I’d like you to meet Lulu, the finest young black mage her world has to offer. Lulu, this is Sora, the Keyblade Bearer.”

Lulu reached Sora’s outstretched hand, gazing at him as if she didn’t really need to be told who he was at all. They had only begun their polite exchange when another party slid up beside her.

“Well, he’s  _ one _ of the Keyblade Bearers,” Riku interjected, wriggling in front of Sora with his hand at the ready. He smiled at her so broadly I had to fight not to giggle. “I’m Riku, the, uh, black sheep of the Keyblade Bearer family, if you will.”

Lulu gave Riku a vague nod, barely making eye contact before sweeping her eyes over me. Riku waited, watching her carefully, and after an embarrassing moment of lingering, he tucked back his unshaken hand.

“And her?” Lulu asked, piercing me with her shrewd gaze. “Also a Keyblade Bearer?”

“Um, sort of,” I answered nervously.

She grinned coldly. “Sort of?”

“No, I am... I  _ am  _ a Keyblade Bearer, I just haven’t really much before. Haven’t beared, that is. I mean bore. I mean... right. Right. Anyway. I’m Kairi.”

Clearly, not getting much sleep at night wasn’t doing a whole hell of a lot for my diction.

Lulu hardly seemed satisfied with my answer, but her thoughts were hard to read. She simply nodded distractedly, glancing discerningly at each of us once more.

“Kairi, Riku, Sora,” she repeated.

“Donald and Goofy too!” came a fast approaching call. Goofy waved merrily as he and Donald jogged toward the terrace. “Pleasure to meet ya.”

Donald nodded enthusiastically toward Lulu. “King Mickey’s told us all about you,” he said. “Heard you got a mean Firaga spell. Maybe we can swap some tips...”

“They’ll be plenty of time for that at the Coliseum,” said Leon’s voice. He joined the quickly crowding terrace with Aerith, Yuffie, and Launchpad McQuack beside him. I was stunned to realize that he, too, would be joining our party. “Now that we’re all here, I’d say we start making some headway.”

“I thought we were going to Disney Castle to meet with the King,” said Riku, folding his arms.

Leon turned to Donald, who had that increasingly nervous look on his face. I remembered what Launchpad had said the night before about the fight between Donald and Scrooge. Just how much was piling up on Donald’s shoulders? Why the secrecy and misinformation about Mickey?

“The king’s been held up,” Donald answered firmly. “It’s not safe to approach Disney Castle right now. Instead, we’ll make camp at the Coliseum and train as a team until the king can meet us.”

“Training?” Riku questioned. “All this urgency and panic, and you just want us for more training? Just yesterday you were whining about losing a whole day of travel, and now suddenly we have ample free time to squeeze in some extra training? I thought this was war. What gives, Donald?”

The pristine white feathers of the duck’s face were quickly reddening. “This  _ is  _ war. And like any war, this one is dangerous and unpredictable. The King’s Thirteen is a special unit, and we have to move with special care. There are going to be a lot of bumps along the way, and without warp drive, every journey we make is that much riskier. And since there are  _ thirteen _ of you, we aren’t going to get very far with someone back-talking every order you’re given, are we? Either you’re in or you’re out, whatever change of plans may happen.”

He lowered his brow at Riku, and slowly gazed at the rest of us. As he spoke, Chip and Dale gently glided the gummi ship toward the castle, hovering just above the terrace and lowering a ramp to provide access. Donald raised his voice over the noise of the engines.

“Anyone else have anything to say? Now’s the time. If you don’t think you can stick with this mission,  _ without insubordination _ , now is the time to turn back.”

The engines rumbled over us, and the door to the gummi ship was wide open at the end of the extended ramp. Donald’s wide and intense blue eyes challenged each of us. No one spoke. Riku’s face was unreadable.

Donald bowed his head. “Good then. Let’s put some interspace behind us.”

The mixed bag of heroes assembled on the terrace of the castle marched determinedly up the ramp and piled into the gummi ship. The silence continued as we settled into seats, making some makeshift arrangements as necessary, and the ship gradually launched into the atmosphere. I watched the image of Radiant Garden, a world of memories I’d never known, fade into a tiny speck.

-o-o-o-

Eventually, the now considerably more crowded gummi ship docked outside the monolithic stone gate that circled the enormous stadium of the Olympic Coliseum. One by one we filed off the ship, a strange assortment to behold: the duck and the dog leading the convoy, the Radiant Garden trio marching determinedly behind them, Sora and Riku hauling Goliath in his stone form, then the lion, the dark enchantress, the jovial Launchpad, myself, and two chipmunks scurrying behind it all. We entered the stadium, which shocked me with its enormity. Sora had mentioned this place only vaguely, always sugarcoating the details of the actual fighting he did there, but somehow in my head it always looked like a marble version of our high school gymnasium. This place, however, was easily the size of our high school five times over. The sprawling battle space had been equipped with an elaborate training set-up: obstacle courses, weapon simulations, and of course, a giant center ring for sparring. 

A middle-aged, overweight satyr stood with his hands on hips, barking orders at three others who were putting the last of the stones in place around the center ring. An attractive olive-skinned boy and a young woman with dark hair carried one giant stone together, while the third assistant, a towering man dressed in leather armor, carried four all by himself.

“Easy, now, let ‘em down easy... especially you, Herc,” commanded the gravelly voice of the satyr.

Sora, Donald and Goofy smiled warmly at the sight of these strangers and hurried towards them, while I was still soaking everything in.

“Mulan! Aladdin!” said Goofy, waving to his old acquaintances. “Glad to see you made it safely.” 

Sora dashed over as well, sharing a similarly enthusiastic reunion. “Hercules! Phil! Didn’t think we’d be seeing each other so soon!”

I felt my sneakers cautiously planting themselves in the dusty floor of the stadium, watching Sora and his cloud of fellow heros exchange joyful welcomes. I started thinking to myself, geez, was there anyone Sora didn’t know? How many worlds had he seen? How many countless people had he met? I was entering Sora’s adventure now, and for some reason I was pretty irritated by it. 

“Guys, I want you to meet Kairi,” I heard Sora say, and suddenly I realized he was motioning me over. Slowly, I tried to wipe the sulkiness from my face and transition into a smile, while I reluctantly moved toward them. I was more than a little surprised and embarrassed when he took hold of my hand when I approached. “Kairi, this is Mulan and Aladdin, two of my old friends.”

The two of them beamed knowingly at me. “Heard alot about you,” said Mulan, sneaking a glance at Aladdin, whom I imagined she knew had heard alot about me, too. “It’s nice to actually meet you. I was beginning to think Sora made you up.”

“Yeah,” Aladdin agreed. “It’s nice to finally meet the infamous girlfriend.”

Aladdin and Mulan chuckled together over their private joke, and Sora’s cheeks went pink.

“Kind of weird to see you guys in the same place,” he said. “It’s going to be interesting, all of us from so many Worlds, fighting together...”

“Alright, alright, let’s have everyone take a seat, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover!” Donald yelled over the scattered chatter. He flapped his winged arms to assemble us, and steadily, we filed into the first two rows of the stadium seating so that Donald, Goofy, Phil, and Hercules could address us.

“Sorry if that was awkward back there,” Sora said softly to me as we sat next to each other. “I mean, with the... ‘girlfriend’ thing and all. I never told them you were my girlfriend, I think they just kind of assumed... Not that  _ I’m _ assuming or anything.”

He was blushing, but I was blushing even harder. I guess I  _ was _ his girlfriend, right? Apparently other people, people I’d never even met, already thought of me that way: Sora’s girlfriend. Again I felt this inexplicable sense of irritation. But I saw Sora’s expectant eyes, and pushed the feeling away. Forced a smile.

“It’s okay,” I told him, giving his hand a squeeze. “It wasn’t awkward. It’s just going to take some getting used to. Being... your girlfriend.”

“Hey! Zip it, lovebirds!” squawked Donald. “We’ve got serious things to talk about.”

My red face grew redder, now feeling the weight of every other pair of eyes on me. It felt like I was back at the island, begging the boys to teach me to fight only to be completely dismissed. None of them thought I was good for more than being Sora’s girlfriend, either. Did Donald think I wasn’t serious? Because I was. I let go of Sora’s hand, fidgeting in my seat and waiting impatiently for the embarrassment to fade.

“Now most of you know why you’ve been called here,” Donald continued. “King Mickey is organizing armies all over the worlds. He is breaking a long-standing policy of ‘world order,’ which kept worlds closed off from each other and unaware of the Doors and Darkness and Light. He is reaching out to ordinary citizens, so that we can all fight Maleficent’s threat together. Her army is growing fast. You are all here because you are the best and strongest your worlds have to offer. You will take on a special mission for the King. He is on his way here to brief you. In the meantime, you’ll train with Philoctetes.”

The surly satyr rolled his eyes. “Call me Phil,” he said. “You’re all in luck, because we have state of the art facilities here. Not to mention, until his unit in the Grecian army deploys, you’ll have the one and only Hercules here to help, too.”

Donald nodded and continued. “Goofy and I will be returning to Disney Castle to start training the new armies.”

“You’re not coming with us?” Sora said in alarm. I could feel his heart tremble as he sat next to me.

“Not this time,” Donald said, softly. “But the remaining thirteen of you have an important mission.”

“What, exactly?”

“The King will tell you in good time. Now, Phil is going to tell you a little bit about the training program he’s got for in store for you...”

“Is Phil one of the King’s Thirteen?” Riku asked.

Phil chuckled. “‘Fraid not, kid. I’m a trainer, not a fighter. I make the hero, the hero makes history.”

“Well then who’s missing? Without Donald or Goofy, there’s only twelve of us.”

A moment of quiet fell over the group... I hadn’t thought to do the math, and clearly no one else had, either. But Riku didn’t miss a beat. And it was awfully suspicious.

“Well, uh... King Mickey didn’t tell us who the last member was. He’ll be bringing them when he comes.”

There were vague nods among our team that indicated acceptance of this glaring hole, but Riku’s brow remained curled in suspicion. Maybe I imagined it, but I could have sworn I heard him faintly mutter,  _ “If he comes...” _


	10. boot camp

Roles were given, quarters assigned, and a grueling schedule set from our arrival until the yet undetermined arrival of King Mickey.

There are no words for the toll put on my body. For everyone else, this was merely a way to keep the muscles active, but for me, this was my beginning. I was the only one there who wasn’t already a hero. Even Launchpad, chosen to be our pilot, slightly bumbling though he was, had more adventurous stories to tell than I could imagine. I was starting from the very bottom, and every morning I woke up more determined than ever.

A routine quickly fell into place, a routine that I latched onto with vigor. In the absence of home, I had only this: training for the war I’d always known was coming. The war Naminé had warned me of. The war everyone else wanted to believe would just disappear.

We were quartered in rooms accommodated within the Coliseum’s miles of underground passageways. I shared my space with Lulu the black mage, who was about as enthusiastic to be my roommate as Riku was to wear a dress. Her surliness made me all the more eager to spend as little time lounging in my quarters as possible. Who had time to lounge, anyway, when you had to prove to everyone you were more than just the hero’s girlfriend?

Phil split us into groups of three every morning after breakfast, and we’d train together for the rest of the daylight hours. He changed the groupings every day, so that as the days passed, each of us learned more and more about our teammates. Riku and Sora, who I knew better than anyone, still managed to show me sides of themselves I’d not really seen: their warrior sides. In training simulations, I was awed by their precision and focus. They knew what they were doing, because they’d been through it all up close. I was strangely jealous.

From Yuffie and Leon I learned a great deal about weapons and martial arts; I also learned that Yuffie was every bit as exuberant and playful as Leon was stoic and serious. Aerith and Lulu were skilled in magic; Aerith in the white arts of healing, and Lulu the black arts of elemental attacks. Aerith was more than happy to try and teach me the basics of magic, though Lulu was a little more withholding. Her idea of teaching me was more like showing off; showing me fire and ice spells that could easily knock me into next week. Letting me know just where I ranked in this illustrious squad.

Simba had nothing to teach, exactly, as his strength was the raw and natural product of his animal design, but working with him was about learning to fight side-by-side, to train my strengths and swiftness to work in effortless rhythm with his catlike maneuvers. Launchpad, it was a comfort to realize, was often on par with me in terms of combat training. He, too, was learning from others with far more battle experiences. He had no sense of arrogance or machismo about him, and I often found that I liked being paired with him and Simba best. If nothing else, there was just a little more room for giggling when Launchpad was around.

In the evenings, we took turns, in teams again, prepping dinner over a crude fire. This was part of our preparation, too. Feeding a team that large under unknowable circumstances would be just as crucial to our survival as our battle skills. After dinner, if I wasn’t too exhausted, I would try to spend some time on my yoga practice. My days were so long and intensive, learning to work so closely with such a diverse team of fighters, thrust completely into a new and strange existence. It hadn’t been so many weeks ago that I’d been a more or less ordinary high school girl. In adjusting to this new routine, those precious minutes I could spend by myself were sacred. I knew that once our mission (which was still a mystery to us all) began, there would be no more alone time. I reveled in the peace and quiet of yoga while I still had it.

I was careful to avoid my quarters, and Lulu’s quiet but undeniable dislike for me, until I was absolutely ready to hit my head to the pillow. The first few days of training, that time came with ease. I was so exhausted, mind and body, that I nearly found myself dozing off before dinner was even over. Increasingly, however, as the toll of training became routine, my habit of restlessness returned. No matter the exhaustion, my mind seemed unwilling to shut down. Sleeplessness only brought roving, dangerous thoughts, and even real sleep did not last. All it brought was nightmares.

When sleeplessness came, I would spend some time accompanying Launchpad as he prepped our gummi ship. He was good for laughs, and I was good for handing over tools and bandaging various body parts when he inevitably injured himself. He was astonishingly accident prone, which had to make one a little nervous about having him as the ship’s head pilot. When I grew wary of Launchpad’s antics I would move on in search of Goliath, whose energy was far more somber and intense, but just as comforting a distraction.

Goliath, for obvious reasons, could not train with us during the day, but no one seemed concerned about his abilities to keep up or work in harmony with the rest of the group. There was an awe-inspiring energy about him, an air of strength and wisdom, that was beyond question. In my sleepless nights, I would amble through the Coliseum’s tunnels and emerge at the surface, where I was sure to find the gargoyle, either training or simply gazing at the stars.

After two weeks of training, the distance between home and my new life as stark as could be, I awoke after less than an hour of sleep. I had dreamt of being on the beach again, Axel coaxing me into joining him. Only in the dream, I accepted. I followed him into the Darkness. The next thing I knew, it wasn’t a portal I was walking through, but a raging fire. I was trapped in flames, felt it scorch through skin, then muscle, and finally, bone... such a nightmare...

Furious at losing another night of sleep, I threw the blanket off of me. I wiped the layer of sweat from my face. I tiptoed past the lightly snoring Lulu and wandered upstairs.

Goliath, by then, had come to expect me. “It saddens me that your nightmares return,” he said to me, perched in the empty stadium seats. “But, as always, I am glad for your company, Kairi.”

I smiled weakly as I took a seat beside him. “This stadium is a lot less intimidating without all those watchful eyes,” I supplied.

“I see. You are not pleased with your progress in training, then?”

“No, I am, it’s just... I don’t know. I guess there’s a lot of pressure. I don’t feel like people really believe in me. Everyone’s perfectly nice, but I can’t shake the feeling that deep down, no one thinks I can do this. It’s alot to soak in, really.”

Goliath smiled and placed his enormous hand on my shoulder. “It does not matter what anyone thinks. You are doing this. And when they see you on the battlefield, what they think will still mean nothing. Because then they will  _ know _ .”

“I know. It’s just hard,” I answered, immediately feeling selfish for even saying that. My struggles seemed so small, given everything the world was facing.

“There is redemption in suffering,” Goliath soothed, echoing the first profound words I’d ever heard him speak. “How can we recognize true greatness, if we have never seen wickedness? How can we value sacrifice if everything we desire comes easily? The brightest light only seems so because of its contrast to the darkness.”

I nodded to him, and was soon inspired enough, or at least subdued enough, to try once more at a decent night’s sleep.

-o-o-o-

We became a single entity as the weeks passed. At the end of our third week, Phil announced that at last, the King would be arriving, and debriefing us in our mission.

“So today, I want you to show me your stuff,” barked the scratchy-throated satyr. The twelve of us lined two long benches in front of a small sparring  ring . Hercules stood next to a wooden board, helping Megara fill in tournament brackets with each of our names. I felt butterflies in my stomach as she etched the five letters of my name into a bracket paired with Mulan. 

When I glanced down the bench I met her eyes. She smiled and waved in good sportsmanship at me. I liked Mulan. She was compassionate and warm, as a teammate. As a foe, I had no desire to test my skills against hers. In the Land of Dragons, she had served in the military in several battles, including joining Sora to defeat the Heartless. I fell back on Goliath’s words to calm my nerves.

I watched Aladdin and Simba battle in the tournament ring, both of them eerily catlike for only one of them being an  _ actual _ cat. Aladdin flitted away from many of Simba’s charges with ease, knocking him around several times with his practice-blunted sword, but eventually the animal’s pounces prevailed and pinned Aladdin to the ground. Graciously, he stroked Simba’s mane and nodded respectfully in concession. I watched Launchpad fight admirably against Yuffie’s rapid-fire gymnastics and ninja stars, though he was overwhelmed pretty quickly. It made me nervous for my new friend. His main role on the team, of course, was to pilot us safely through our travels. But if it came to foot combat, he still had to be prepared to join us in the fight. It scared me to think that Launchpad wouldn’t be able to protect himself on the battlefield.

Aerith lost to Sora, and Hercules (standing in for the sleeping Goliath) was defeated rather impressively by Lulu’s spells. At sunset, when Goliath awakened, Riku and Leon’s match easily put on the best show for all of us. They were matched blow for blow for what felt like an eternity. The butterflies returned as I watched their blades gleam and the sweat glisten on their faces. My match was next, and watching Riku I felt more ineffectual than ever. He truly had been taking it easy on me, all those afternoons on the beach.

Finally, Leon conceded to Riku. Panting and grinning, Riku sat down next to me and toweled off his face. “Just like we practiced, Kairi,” he said to me as Megara crossed out Leon’s name and wrote Riku’s into the next bracket. My moment would come in mere seconds. “Only, you know, win this time.”

Two rows back, I heard Lulu chuckle ever so softly. Riku looked back at her and smiled, but she would not meet his gaze.

Perfect. Riku’s odd form of affection was the last thing my ego needed before performing in front of the entire group. There was a din filling my ears as Megara called my name. In a daze, I marched into the ring and waited in my corner. Mulan and I bowed to one another. I tried to take a deep, measured breath, as Megara’s distant voice counted down three, two, one...

Mulan took the first swing and it hit me squarely in the jaw. I leapt backward quickly to evade further blows, my vision a little warped from the blow.  _ Don’t get hung up on it, _ I told myself, resisting the urge to look out into the crowd.  _ Move on. Move forward. Don’t think, just move _ .

I pivoted and moved offensively, striking Mulan with my Keyblade. She was shaken up, but hardly lost her balance. We exchanged blows that clanged and echoed. The force of her swings was incredible; I could move fast enough to meet them, but my arms throbbed with the effort. My jaw still ached. I saw spots in front of me. If only I’d been better at magic, faster on my feet. A splash of Cure would have done wonders for me in the heat of the moment, but I was so busy keeping Mulan’s attacks at bay that I couldn’t fathom the thought of focusing on a spell at the same time.

_ I’ll never beat her with force alone, _ I realized. I was heaving. I could feel my parries growing weaker, and before I knew it, Mulan had backed me into a corner. One of her blows got past me, slammed into my ribs. Every bit of breath I had left was gone in an instant. I felt my knees shaking. I wanted nothing more than to yield. It was a friendly match, after all. Who cared who won? But then I thought of all those eyes in the crowd, people I would have to fight beside, people whose lives may depend on my not sucking...

Taking my mind off the fight was a mistake. I took another blow to the face. My knees gave way and I was on the ground, barely holding up my upper body.  _ I need a spell, _ I knew. It was the only way to keep this fight from reaching a swift and embarrassing end. 

I saw Mulan’s eyes alight as she lifted her weapon. She hesitated for a moment.  _ She feels bad for me _ , I thought. The thought was humiliating, and more importantly, enraging. I was angry that still, after all these weeks of training, Mulan was reticent to treat me like any other sparring partner. I thought bitterly of the day I’d first been introduced to her, when she smiled sweetly as Aladdin called me “the girlfriend.”

As I felt blood dribble down my lips and onto my soiled white tank top, I felt the change in me. Everything slowed down, everything got dim. I could  _ feel _ magic in me, a sensation Aerith had described for me a dozen different ways, but I had never truly understood because I had never truly felt it until that moment. I could see red scorching fire rising from my palms and didn’t feel the burn. What I felt in my hands and in my veins was suddenly familiar; it reminded me of the Darkness that had allowed me to escape Axel. Almost by instinct, I was casting a Fire spell.  _ I can still win this. I’m not just the girlfriend... _

The whoops and yells from my teammates had been building behind me, but suddenly halted to a hush. Something was happening outside of the tiny world in which I sparred, and I let it break my concentration. I gazed past Mulan’s sweaty face and intense gaze and saw three figures in the distance, entering through the Coliseum’s gate. The small one in front was King Mickey; behind him, a towering old man in blue robes; and behind the two, in that unmistakable black cloak...

Axel was with them. Axel, the Nobody, the kidnapper, the petulant ghost of my dreams, marching confidently behind our fearless leader. The realization was stomach-churning: Axel was the Thirteenth.

It only took that moment to lose my focus, to let the coursing power between my palms release uncontrollably. I felt my skin burn and scream as my own fire spell imploded in my hands, knocking me to the ground. I was down and out cold.


	11. solare

In the bleary world of unconsciousness, I retrieved my first lost memory. I could see myself, only a toddler, in the castle courtyard. I could see an old woman wrapping her arms around me as she cradled me in her lap.

“ _ Solare _ ,” she sang into my ear. “Can you say  _ solare _ , Kairi?”

“Sssooleee,” I garbled in my baby speak, thumping my tiny hands together.

My grandmother giggled and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. A little boy, white blond hair dancing in the wind, ran circles around us. He clapped his hands and danced, chanting the unfamiliar word in a melodic refrain. “Solare, Solare, Solare.”

The old woman reached out and tousled the boy’s soft locks. “Very good, Cale. You’ll have to help teach Kairi. Let’s practice together now, shall we? Repeat after me: ‘A witch’s journey begins and ends in flames.’”

Gradually, the memory faded, as soft green light glowed in my periphery. I felt real again, back in the here and now, and the full force of my injuries weighed down on me. My eyes fluttered open and I saw Aerith’s face, furled in concentration as she murmured Cure spells over my aching body.

From the floor of the Coliseum, there were multiple other faces I could make out around me. Sora with concern, Riku with a stoic bemusement, Lulu with open disgust, and Axel....

Axel.

With deep, heaving gasps, I sat up. I remembered what had made me lose my focus. “What the hell,” I coughed, “is he doing here?”

Axel smirked, and there was a ripple of uncomfortable laughter throughout the crowd.

“I think she’s gonna make it, folks,” Leon declared. He waved his hands toward the King, subtly pulling the attention of the group away from my embarrassing mishap and my rude outburst. “King Mickey, we’re honored to finally have you with us. As you can clearly see, we’ve been waiting patiently and training without pause.”

King Mickey nodded and smiled. Quietly, he walked over to me and took my hand. He pulled me gently to my feet and kept my hand enclosed in his soft white glove. He didn’t speak to me, but to the group as a whole. 

“The journey has been treacherous, but well worth it,” he preached in his signature falsetto. His voice was light and approachable as always, but with an oddly commanding weight that brought everything else to a hush. “I’m thrilled to see the thirteen of you all together at last, for we can finally send you on your way.”

King Mickey was still holding my hand as he walked towards the stadium seats, leading me. The others followed. Quickly, everyone found seats, unmistakable curiosity burning in their eyes. Axel sat three rows back, distancing himself from the others. King Mickey seated me in the front row, and as he addressed the team, I had to try very hard not to crane my neck around to stare at Axel.

“I would be dishonest if I said the odds weren’t stacked against us,” said the King, low and serious. He paced purposefully back and forth, making eye contact with each of us. “Our greatest hope lies in beating Maleficent to her next target: an ancient book of magic called the Grimorum Arcanorum.”

“It’s going to take thirteen soldiers to get a book?” Axel scoffed from the back. The newness of his presence and the disinterest in his eyes had the rest of the team exchanging glances curiously.

Mickey, however, accepted Axel’s jab gracefully. “Not just thirteen soldiers; thirteen of the  _ best _ soldiers. The book is currently under the control of a sorceress named Yzma, who has used it to build her own army of terrible creatures. Maleficent is supposed to cut a deal with Yzma to gain possession of the Grimorum. If she gets her hands on that book of spells, the war will turn, and I don’t think we’ll ever manage to stop her.”

“The Grimorum is of my world,” Goliath inserted. Twelve pairs of eyes (Axel’s were unmoved) were quickly fixed on the tremendous creature. Goliath rarely wasted comments, and the room listened intently to what was surely wise insight. “Its power is indeed great. I cannot fathom the ruin it could bring in the hands of Maleficent and her Heartless.”

The King’s insistence and Goliath’s endorsement were more than enough to cement this mission in our minds. Personally, I even felt a sliver of relief. Chasing books sounded a little bit easier than chasing monsters.

“Your ship will depart at first light,” the King continued. “I sent for you all because I knew you had the skill, the strength, and above all the  _ heart  _ to take on this necessary operation. This single effort could turn the tide of the war, and I could only trust it with the greatest. I’d like to introduce to you, as well, to the final member of your team, Axel.” He gestured his petite arm towards the third row, where Axel looked as bored as possible. “He has been working tirelessly the last few weeks as an undercover operative in The World That Never Was, providing us with vital information about Maleficent’s plans. Without him, this mission would not even be possible.”

I was startled by the patter of light applause that the rest of the group offered Axel. Sora was grinning widely. I twisted my hands together in discomfort.  _ Why him? _ I wondered.  _ Why not anyone else? _

“And, finally, I must introduce you to the esteemed Master Yen Sid, an expert in the ways of Light and Dark,” Mickey finished. He motioned to the imposing figure in blue behind him. The group gave him a round of applause as well, which he accepted with even less emotion than Axel. Beneath his bushy gray brows, the old man’s eyes were bright and piercing, and in the middle of all that, I got the nervous sensation that he was pinning them right on me. “You are all very lucky to have Master Yen Sid here to watch the conclusion of your tournament, and to offer his critiques and guidance before your journey begins.”

The king continued, but I found my attention drifting. I thought again about that sudden old memory. The second I’d gone under, I could see into the past. It had me thinking about just how much truth might be buried inside me, and what severe measures it might take to get it all out.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Megara struck my name from the chalkboard and the competition continued. The air around us was amped, as we suddenly weren’t just competing for ourselves; we were displaying our strength for the leader who’d assembled us. I watched Simba fall, gracefully, to Sora, and Lulu conquer Yuffie with her powerful magic. Riku overpowered Mulan so quickly that I felt even worse, realizing that the boy I’d asked to spar with me was truly one of the most powerful beings I’d ever seen.

As third seed, Riku got a by while Lulu and Sora battled it out. She held her own against him, defensively, but Sora was nearly as adept at magic as she, and eventually she conceded to him. The final match would be Sora against Riku.

I felt strange as I watched the two of them step into the sparring ring. A fleeting feeling of distance hit me. I saw us only as children, stumbling along the sand with giggles and abandon. We had been children, once. Things had been simple. Once.

Sora looked different now that I had kissed him. The lips that had been tender against mine were pursed now, unrecognizably, in determination. A strange realization hit me.  _ They have fought before... and not just for fun. _ But on their faces, any restraint or resentment was opaque. Their eyes were focused but their faces strangely blank.

I should have been more engaged, I realized guiltily, as my two best friends took blows against one another. But somehow my attention was diverted to the red hair in my periphery. To face the Nobody who was suddenly one of us. Who wasn’t part of the competition but watched with impenetrable eyes. It should have been strange to see Axel’s face, but when I glimpsed his profile, it was as if I’d been expecting him all along.

“Kairi,” said a voice behind me. A low, heavy voice. When I turned my head, shaking off the intrigue of Axel’s face, I was mildly terrified to see Master Yen Sid hovering just a few inches behind me. I hadn’t even heard him approach. “I would like a word.”

“Um, with me?” I squeaked out timidly. His penetrative eyes and gnarled brow were overwhelming. I glanced around, as if asking for confirmation from someone else, before I determined he was in fact talking to me. “Sure. Of course, I mean...”

I climbed off the bench and we left the stadium. I followed Yen Sid to the Coliseum lobby, and felt even more afraid of him as we stood together in that quiet empty hugeness. When he spoke, his voice was deep and mesmerizing.

“I saw your duel,” he said.

My cheeks went distinctly red. “Oh?” I said. What else could I say?

“You did not do as well as I would have hoped.”

“Oh.” As if I hadn’t been embarrassed enough before.

Yen Sid continued. “I realize, Kairi, that you have been very much on the sidelines of these clashes of the Worlds. You understand little of your value. I want to impress upon you how very special you are. You are a unique creature in this universe. One of only Seven Pure Hearted princesses, born with the gift of opening Doors. You are one of only two to lose your heart and  _ not _ become a Heartless. And you are the only person in existence who has met their Nobody face-to-face. A true rarity. Great power sleeps within you.”

“Well... thank you.” I couldn’t really tell if he was complimenting me on my uniqueness or scolding me for not living up to the expectations I didn’t even know existed.

“Thank me for nothing. I have only said what is true. The task is to you to pave the road to your destiny.”

So, definitely scolding then. “I am trying. I’m trying as hard as I can.”

He nodded. “Indeed you are. You are surprisingly inept at magic. You nearly let your own fire spell destroy you.”

“Well... Uh, I guess I did...”

“You must work on that. Magic is a great tool, if used properly. Here, this may help to give you some inspiration.” He reached into the velvety blue folds of his robes and produced a pearlescent ceramic medallion, covered with a beautiful decorative rune.

“Is this… um, a magic thing?” I shrugged, stupidly, eyeing the meaningless curves and markings as he placed it in my hands.

Yen Sid only gazed down at me with his severe, judging eyes. “Indeed. You have a puzzle inside you, child, something you are trying to make sense of. This is another piece of that puzzle.”

_ Great _ . I thought. So that was a fancy way of telling me absolutely nothing. It was like being in English class all over again, begging the teacher for help and simply being told to read the passage over again.

It occurred to me, with Yen Sid having that all-knowing vibe about him, that perhaps he could help me unravel the vision of my past. “Before you go, could I ask you... do you know the word  _ solare _ ?”

He smiled. “Of course. Don’t you?”

I felt my cheeks redden again as he walked away. Every word he spoke to me was a challenge. Why wasn’t I better at magic? Why was I failing to grasp the implications of my “unique creature”-hood? Why didn’t I know the meaning of nonsensical words that came to me in dreams? The guy was not easy to please.

I was so distraught as I re-entered the Coliseum that I didn’t notice Sora running like a madman towards me until he grabbed hold of my shoulders and shook me. Inadvertently, I screamed.

Sora frowned. “Whoa, are you okay?” he asked.

I mentally slapped my forehead and pretended like I couldn’t feel all of the eyes that were turned toward me. “Sorry, sorry,” I muttered. “I’m a little... shaken up, I guess.”

He was sweating, I realized, and smiling. “Surprised to see me win?” he asked with a chuckle.

The final seed, I realized. I’d walked away and missed the end, and somehow barely noticed. I felt a tinge of guilt as Sora’s blue eyes beamed at me. I shrugged. “Guess you really are a hero, huh?” I managed to chirp out.

He laughed, and locked his sweaty fingers into mine. I walked to the center of the ring with him, where everyone had gathered in mutual celebration, congratulating one another and singing words of encouragement.

“Tonight, my champions, we feast!” Phil proclaimed, received with jubilant applause. “And tomorrow, you go off and make old Philly proud!”

Yuffie and Aerith had already taken it upon themselves to start the construction of a bonfire, while Phil had somehow produced a few vases of wine that he was joyfully passing around. I wondered if, in the middle of this sudden team revelry, I could just disappear through the far gate of the Coliseum and hide in my quarters. 

Such was not my luck. Beside me, Sora was beckoning over our former enemy, grinning in earnest.

As Axel approached, Sora stood to greet him and shook his hand. “I can’t believe you’re alive!” he exclaimed.

Axel nodded to Sora, glancing at me past his shoulder with a knowing grin. “I get by.”

“Sora! A little help, eh?” called Hercules, carrying a whole goat carcass casually over his shoulders. “The victor takes the first spin of the spit! Get over here!”

An inaudible squeak escaped my lips as Sora laughed and answered Hercules’ call, leaving me toe-to-toe with Axel. The first time I’d seen him since saving his life. My emotions were, to say the least, confused.

“Princess,” he cooed casually. “Long time no see. You’re looking very dashing these days.”

I folded my arms. I’d rather he not look at me at all. “You’re looking very... not dead.”

“Well, I have you to thank for that, don’t I?” As loud as the voices were around us, he still spoke in a low purr that resonated above everything else.

I squirmed. “Not me. Naminé.” Short responses, I thought. Do not engage him. You have nothing to say to him.

“Right, right. You, Naminé. Same thing, right?”

My face flushed. He was pulling me in. “I wouldn’t say so. Naminé was her own being. She was totally different from me.”

“I guess so. She talked about you alot, you know. She didn’t know who you were, of course, but she always wanted to. The rest of us remembered our old lives, our other selves. Not Naminé. She always wondered who she’d once been.”

I let the idea soak in. It was an intimidating thought. Naminé was so powerful, so pivotal in changing the worlds. I figured she’d be disappointed by remembering her life as me. I also felt disarmed, somehow, under Axel’s coy smile. He knew so much about Naminé; about  _ my  _ Nobody. I found myself disgusted by the possibility that he thought he knew anything about  _ me. _ Defensively, I shifted the conversation away from myself.

“And who were  _ you _ in your other life?”

He chuckled. “Isn’t it obvious? Rock star. International sex symbol.”

I rolled my eyes. “Why do I get the feeling that ‘used car salesman’ is probably closer to the truth?”

He didn’t bat an eye, only smiled wider. “Guess you busted me. So tell me, miss, what’s it gonna take to get you in one of my rides today?”

“I’m going to walk away now, Axel. Welcome to the team. Please try not to talk to me or look at me again.”

“Sure thing, princess.” He gave me a mock bow as I rolled my eyes and turned away. It was somehow difficult not to turn back. I felt sure I could feel his eyes on me every step I took away from him.


	12. mesoamerica

We gathered our supplies and emptied the quarters that had become our temporary home. We left the Coliseum behind and loaded onto the gummi ship, Phil and Hercules and Megara and the King and the enigmatic Master Yen Sid all waving us good luck. Sora reached over and held my hand as the ship took off. I watched, as the World Exit became smaller and smaller behind us, and the surreal colors of interspace began to fill the windows of the ship. Real battles were ahead of us now.

I thought sadly of Goofy, all of the sudden, and wondered where he and Donald were in that moment. I wondered if Goofy’s son was still alive. I wondered if my friends back in Destiny Islands had any idea where we were, and what was really going on in the universe. I wondered if there would be a Destiny Islands to return to... if any of us would return at all...

I rested my face on Sora’s shoulder, shutting my eyes as tightly as I could and hoping it would somehow squeeze out my racing thoughts. I heard footsteps behind me accompanied by an awful, ominous feeling in my stomach. There was no reason, really, for me to open my eyes and turn my head, but somehow, this deep aching within me compelled me to look.

It was Axel, shuffling in the background. I watched as he stood in the corner of the passenger bay, pressing his nose against the window. His eyes were fixed, watching the interspace as we sped along. As he breathed, clouds of fog formed across the glass. Just watching him made me angry, and I couldn’t even explain why. Despite the endorsements of Naminé, Sora, and now even the King himself, I could not even look at him without trembling.

What made him trustworthy? No one had explained it to me adequately.

After the first few hours of flight, I was able to put aside my fears and my annoyances enough to doze off for a brief nap, sorely needed given my poor sleep patterns as of late.

I was awoken, sadly, by a horrendous missile explosion, followed by the blaring emergency siren on board. We were under attack.

Beneath my groggy head, Sora’s body jolted up like a watchdog called to its senses. “Riku, east turret!” he commanded without hesitation. I’d barely had time to straighten my skirt and sit up, and my two friends had already dashed from their passive positions, toward the cockpit, to take defensive positions. I imagined for a moment just how many times Sora had taken the lead of a besieged ship. That he could assume position so easily, that he could face battle so casually. Stunned and weirdly guilty, I toyed with one of my zippers for a moment.

Clumsily following Sora’s lead, I saw Mulan, Aladdin, and Goliath march toward the cockpit chamber of the gummi ship, presumably to assume the remaining artillery positions. As I sat watching and waiting, the red-edged profile of Axel the Nobody flashed in my periphery. His forehead remained pressed against the glass as he gazed through the window, as uninterested in our happenings as he seemed in anything, really.

But, then.

“Kairi.”

I heard him purr my name, as if it were the most natural and mundane thing for him to utter.

A small voice eventually escaped my vocal chords. “Um, yes?”

“We can help.” He opened his black gloved hand to me. “You remember how?”

He spoke as though we were as intimate as girlfriends. Those short statements, those knowing eyes. Only Sora or Riku or Selphie ever spoke to me so casually.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, eyeing his towering frame cautiously.

He rolled his eyes and took hold of my hand. Even through the black leather, I could feel the heat and sweat of his hands. “Just like in the Betwixt and Between. With Naminé. You remember how?”

I remembered those moments more vividly than probably anything in my life. The colors of nothingness and the way they pulsed around our three bodies. The feeling of Axel’s life force as it flowed through Naminé’s hands into mine. It was a terrifying and unforgettable sensation. But as his green eyes challenged me, demanding entry into my most powerful memories, I felt an urge of defiance. 

_ Back off, scary boy, _ I found myself thinking. I pursed my lips. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. “Naminé did all of that. I was just there.”

The way his figure loomed over me, I expected to be met with acidity. Instead, he smiled. Sirens blared and the gummi ship rocked back and forth as we took a critical hit from an enemy missile. Axel squeezed my hand tighter, never unlocking his eyes with mine.

“Ah. Well. Isn’t that nice? In that case, why don’t you just  _ ‘be there’ _ again, mmkay, princess?”

I gasped, because all too suddenly, I felt electricity racing through my body. Axel took his opposite hand and pressed it against the glass window, his eyes gazing out. Just like in Betwixt and Between, my insides went cold. Steadily, with Axel’s hand clutching mine, I felt that ethereal fire building in my heart and forcing its way through my veins.

He leaned close, and I felt his hot breath whispering in my ear. There was chaos all around us, sirens and guns and commands, but his voice was smooth and steady.

“How many hearts on this ship?” he asked.

“Twelve,” I answered without hesitation. It was almost like another voice spoke for me. But I could feel it, too. The moment he said it, my body prickled with intense awareness. Thirteen bodies, twelve hearts. All twelve hearts pulsed in time with mine. 

“Exactly,” Axel responded. “You feel them. Hold onto them. Keep them close. The ship protects them. Become the ship. Become their protector.”

It sounded absurd, and his leather fingers felt strange wrapped around mine, but I nonetheless found myself doing exactly as he said. I felt a haze sink in around me. I could see less and less, but feel more and more as Axel and I shared that strange power between our fingers. I suddenly felt like I was more liquid than Kairi, stretching and spilling across every contour and turret of the gummi ship. I was part of the millions of gummi atoms that comprised the ship, part of the boundless colors of interspace, part of the Light and Dark that held them all together. I shuddered as the blasts collided with liquid-me, but Axel kept me steady. With his free arm, he pulled me into an embrace, my face buried in his chest.

If I had been solid, I would have died of embarrassment. I would have been self-conscious about who would see us and what they would think. But I was liquid. I was not trapped in that small space with him, but spread out over the entire ship, counting one through twelve over and over again. Twelve hearts, kept close, kept safe, with some kind of force that I did not understand. 

_Boom. Crash. Blast._ Missiles cascaded into the gummi armor, even as Launchpad tried to weave in and out and away. I could feel them and they _hurt._ Liquid-me wrapped my liquid hands around the guns that Sora and Riku fired, protecting their hearts and giving them strength as best I could. I could hear Riku’s heart beating too fast. I could feel Sora’s forehead radiating heat and sweat. And then, frighteningly, I could hear him _thinking_. Clear as ordinary sound, I heard Sora’s thoughts cry out despairingly, _“They have more guns than we do... we’ll never make it like this...”_

“NO!” I screamed, tearing myself away from Axel’s arms. All of liquid-me shot back to my body at once, like a suction, and the shock of it knocked me to the ground. In the cabin of the ship, another alarm started blaring. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves,” Launchpad’s voice said over the intercom. “We’ll be making a, uh, bumpy landing... Don’t worry, though, I’m good at this sort of thing!”

On the ground, I felt the gloved hands of Axel around my own again, but this time to help me grab hold of the nearest seat bottom. I gripped the metal shaft that held the seat in place with every ounce of strength I possessed, but still I felt my body flailing and slamming against the floor of the ship as we careened through the atmosphere of the nearest world. It felt like my stomach was being jammed into my throat. I’m fairly certain I was crying. It was the first of many times I thought I was about to die. Axel, however, seemed less than fazed. As the sirens wailed, guns fired, and gummi walls shook violently, I could still hear him sighing and muttering in the softest of breaths,  _ “Princess Pouty Pants...” _

It was a strange jab to hear when you could literally feel the insides of your body moving faster than the outside. The joints of my fingers cramped as I clung to the metal seat base. I felt a new wave of panic as my body stopped slamming against the floor, and instead began to flip over my head. The gummi ship was spinning, Launchpad’s speaker-voice crying narration that I couldn’t begin to decipher beneath the sirens and the fear lurching in my stomach. I felt Axel’s hand reach under me to cradle my head, but it did little good in the rumbling chaos of constant, crashing movement.

After the fourth or fifth rotation I retched up the contents of my stomach. I could feel some of it splash back onto my face. I was dizzy from the blood rushing to my head. At some point, I know, the ship must have made contact with the ground, but in that cacophony of movement and noise, it was impossible to tell the actual moment. All I felt was pain.

Somehow, at some point, the movement stopped. My bones were screaming. “Get up! Get up!” shouted voices. But that was impossible. I couldn’t get up. All I wanted to do was sleep, sleep...

“Mages, heal the wounded until they can stand!” It was Leon’s voice. “Yuffie, Riku, gather as many supplies as you can. Focus on ammunition and healing items. Goliath and Launchpad, help me move the ship into the brush. We can try and make our way back here after the battle lines have broken.”

_ Battle lines? _ I wanted to sit up and look, to see what we’d landed in the middle of, but everything hurt too much. 

_ “Love, blood, solare,” _ Axel’s voice whispered right next to my face. I felt once more the electric feeling he’d put into my hands on the ship.  _ “Love, blood, solare.” _

The throbbing in my bones slowly dissipated. I could feel the cuts on my face mend themselves shut. My eyes finally opened and I was able to take deep breaths without my lungs complaining. 

“Can she move?” someone asked.

Axel’s eyes looked into mine for an answer.

“I can move,” I rasped. And so, slowly, I did.

“Axel, see to Aerith next. Kairi, come help Yuffie with the supplies. Yzma's troops are about a mile’s march from us.”

In a blind stagger, I found myself shuffling to the cargo area, where Yuffie immediately loaded me down with as many satchels and small crates as I could carry. In the corner of my eye, I watched Axel, bent over Aerith and whispering those same words. He had to say them more times. If I hadn’t retched already, I might have then; Aerith’s pink dress was drenched red with blood. 

As the wounded rose and my arms started to ache from the weight of the supplies, we hurried out of the debris-littered gummi ship and into the strange terrain we’d entered. We stood beneath a canopy of lush jungle leaves. The entire area buzzed and whistled with the noises of insects.

As commanded, Goliath and Launchpad were moving the ship into a dense area of bushes. Sora stood to the side, aiding them with Gravity to make the ship float. Anyone with free arms was ordered to help cover the ship with brush, hopefully hiding it from sight.

Just as Leon gave the order for us to march, I could see the battle lines he’d mentioned before. On the horizon, across a narrow river, the shadows of Heartless were visible, moving steadily closer to our position. There were hundreds. I took a deep breath. My first battle had appeared much sooner than expected.

“We can’t meet them head on,” said Yuffie. “We should look for an ambush position.”

“Ambush? They’re coming right at us!” cried Aladdin.

“They couldn’t have known we were coming,” observed Mulan. “ _ We  _ didn’t even know we’d be arriving this way. They are marching to battle for another reason...”

There was a sudden rustle of leaves that had all of us assume an offensive stance. We raised our weapons with bated breath, watching the bushes. The thirteen of us stood breathing hard, expecting an ambush, but instead, a wobbly-legged llama came sauntering out of the leaves, chewing lazily. Seconds later, a young boy and girl came creeping sheepishly behind him, hands raised in surrender.

“Oh please don’t come any closer,” the little boy said, pouting with glossy, tear-filled eyes. “We’re just innocent village children foraging for food.”

The girl nodded in agreement. “I mean it’s true that we know the location of the emperor and all the rebel guards, but please,  _ please _ don’t capture us. Have a heart?”

Strangely, I noticed, Riku was smiling. He walked up to Leon and mouthed something that looked like,  _ “Look down.” _

Slowly, discreetly, both Leon and I and all the others who’d picked up on the hint gazed at the ground that stood between us and the two children. I saw a smile spread across Leon’s face, too, and I squinted harder at the ground to see what I was missing. Finally, I noticed it: a circle of leaves covered the soggy ground. Not fallen leaves, but freshly plucked ones, in an all too perfectly round pattern that clearly covered some kind of trap.  _ Brave kids _ , I thought to myself. The oldest couldn’t have been more than ten.

“We don’t have any weapons or anything,” the girl continued, getting nervous that we had halted our approach. “It just wouldn’t be right for you to come right at us, as fast as you can, and snatch us up and torture us for extremely valuable information.”

Leon sheathed his sword and the rest of us followed suit. “We are not your enemy,” he said to the children. “King Mickey has sent us as reinforcements to help the emperor. We’re here to fight Yzma.”

The girl, the elder, sized us up carefully for a moment. Then she placed two fingers in her mouth and gave a shrill, specific whistle. From the jungle depths, several adult villagers armed with weapons made themselves visible.

“I think Mom would want to meet them,” the girl said to the surrounding reinforcements.


	13. these hills sing

We were swept up by the Mesoamerican villagers and marched deeper into the woods, walking uphill until we arrived at the idyllic home of their leader. We were offered food and aid almost immediately, and almost aggressively. The woman in charge, mother of the two bold child-scouts, was named Chicha. The house was as much her home as it was the nerve center of a rebel militia. Her second in command was a talking llama, because… sure.

“So, if you are who you say you are, you’re here to help us,” Chicha said wearily, judging us while she simultaneously poured us more tea.

“Do you have to be so cynical all the time?” said the llama, somehow holding a teacup in his hoof. “Is it so hard to believe someone’s actually here to help us? Isn’t it possible that for once in the last six months since that relic kicked me out of my beautiful palace that one thing might actually be going our way?”

Chicha grinned. “Sorry, Kuzco. I’m not like you-- I didn’t grow up having everything go my way. I tend to look every horse in the mouth, gift or no.”

Kuzco rolled his eyes. “Oy, can we avoid the quadruped metaphors? Kind of a sore spot for me.” He slurped his tea then looked at the rest of us. He explained, “I used to be an emperor, you see? Sure, yes, okay, I was a llama for a little while but that really just gave me the opportunity to better understand my constituents. After my first llama experience, I was getting to be a pretty damn good emperor, until Yzma brought all these Heartless out and took over the castle and turned me into a llama again and…” he motioned to the ragtag militia that surrounded us. “Well, you see how things are going now.”

Leon nodded. “With all due respect, things do seem a little… guerilla around here.”

“I’m more of a lover than a fighter,” said Kuzco with a grin and shrug.

“And more of a whiner than a lover,” Chicha clipped. “None of us are professional soldiers, unless you count the few guards that remained loyal to Kuzco in the coup. We’ve managed to maintain control of the hilltop so far, but we’ve sustained heavy losses.” The gaze she shared with Kuzco told me that one of those losses must have been more personal than the others. 

Leon nodded. “Our plan is to infiltrate the castle and break into Yzma’s lab. We could use the help of your troops to create a distraction...”

“That’s suicide,” Riku interjected.

Leon sighed. “We’ll be going up against the odds, yes, but we don’t have a lot of options.”

“I don’t disagree with you. I just think you should be completely honest with these people. Don’t tell them you need them to be heroes when really you just need them to be bait.”

Lulu’s eyes narrowed as she watched Riku speak. 

The room grew quiet, everyone holding their breath, as they watched Riku and Leon raise their shoulders and stare each other down. Leon was visibly shaking with anger, a rare sight.

“Everyone knows the risks of war,” Leon snapped defensively. “There’s no rose-colored illusions about what we’re up against...”

“But Riku is still right,” Lulu interjected, quietly but firmly. “Let no one give their life under false pretenses.”

“Okay, stop, stop, before you give us mere villagers an ego,” Chicha interjected, putting each of her hands against the chests of Riku and Leon to calm them. She had a mother’s smile. “We get it, okay? We’ve been fighting Yzma for weeks now. We know there’s no hope of holding her off forever... if it will help you take her down for good, we’re happy to help. Whatever the risks, whatever the consequences.”

Riku nodded, followed slowly by Leon, and the two of them stepped back from Chicha’s barricade. 

Leon cleared his throat. “If you wouldn’t mind, Chicha, I’d like to look over your munitions, see what you’re working with before we come up with a battle plan. It sounds like we won’t just be facing Heartless, we’ll be facing Yzma’s human army as well.”

“I’ll help,” said Riku.

“Me too!” chimed Sora.

“Of course,” Chicha answered, gesturing the way with her hand. She took the three of them deep into the village to tour their stockpile.

I was left with Kuzco, sipping tea, who simply sighed and stared into the valley below. “Something tells me I’m going to need something with a little more oomph,” said the llama.

-o-o-o-o-

We acquainted ourselves with the village. On the jungle’s edge, I found myself a quiet space for some yoga. Just some mild stretching, enough to clear my head. I was bent over backwards, rolled into a human-hoop in the  _ kapotasana _ pose, when I saw Sora’s giant rubber-soled sneakers walking on the ceiling of earth toward me.

I unrolled myself and smiled at him, mildly self-conscious about the streams of sweat dripping down my face. “Hey, Sora,” I greeted.

He bent down to kiss me and for some reason, it took me by surprise; I flinched. Sora blushed in embarrassment and I did the same. It was still so awkward and difficult, accepting the two of us as more than just friends. Why wasn’t it more natural?

I pushed away the thought and pressed on as though the moment never happened. “What’s up?” I asked.

“Just checking on you,” he said brightly, and I felt my smile twitch. He knew I hated hearing things like that. “Are you, um, ready for tomorrow?”

“If I’m not ready by now, I never could be,” I answered tersely. Sora’s eyes were so innocent, his intentions so pure, but still I hated the nagging feeling that he thought of me as delicate-- that he still thought of my place as standing by the shore, waiting for him.

He changed the subject. “Axel sure knows a good healing spell.” He touched my cheek. “There isn’t a scratch on you.”

Remembering the crash landing, and the magic I had inexplicably performed with Axel’s help, made me suddenly uncomfortable. Did Sora know what I had done? Part of me wanted to tell him, but part of me was also too embarrassed to talk about it. After all, it had been me who got distracted and let my shield fall down. 

I didn’t tell him about any of it, and yet again I wondered, was that the same thing as lying? I had this unsettling, unrealistic feeling that if I shared my personal experiences with him, they would somehow become  _ ours  _ and not mine, and I didn’t want that. At some unknown point, Sora’s and my stories had diverged, and in a way I reveled in the distance. Some part of me didn’t want to feel trapped in Sora’s heart anymore.

I felt Sora shift his weight from foot to foot, presumably waiting for me to do or say something, but what? I was realizing slowly, painfully, that there was some kind of boyfriend-girlfriend script to which I was woefully oblivious. It had always been easy to talk to Sora before, to trust in the warmth I felt for him, but even we, like everything else, were changed by all that had happened.

“I need to be alone,” I suddenly blurted. I coughed and tried to smooth it over. “I mean… I need to finish my practice. Savasana.”

Sora nodded and offered a reluctant half-smile. When he was far enough away for me to enjoy the space, I felt some guilt over what a relief that was.

-o-o-o-o-

The next day we marched for hours with the villagers, establishing a base camp just a few short miles from the palace gates. At nightfall, we sat quietly by the fire, trying to eat the grains the village had shared with us. It was a slow process. Talking, eating, and eventually sleeping; they all seemed like meaningless ways to pass the time until our march to battle. The waiting was the worst part.

It seemed to me that the kindest and most innocent hearts were the first ones to fall asleep. Sora, Launchpad, Aerith, and Yuffie all ate vigorously, with smiles on their faces, and went to bed within the hour. Mulan and Aladdin followed not long after. Simba had gone off to hunt. Leon, Lulu, and Riku, those among us who seemed a little wearier, stayed longer by the fire. Axel ate nothing, said nothing, simply stared at the embers with his arms crossed. Then there was Goliath, of course, a creature of night, and me. Me who slept less and less with each passing day. Was that my innocence dying?

“Mickey drives me absolutely insane,” Riku said, grinning and picking his teeth. He’d been contemplating for a long while. “He knows, like,  _ everything _ , but somehow he still wants you to figure it out all on your own. And personally, I can’t figure out his angle with this Thirteen Soldiers thing.”

“Angle?” said Leon, cocking an eyebrow. “Why does there have to be an angle?”

Riku shrugged. “There always is, that’s all. He has a plan, and there’s more than just this book. No one is on this team by accident.”

“Except me, that is,” Axel supplied. Heads turned toward him, as he’d been quiet all night. “I'm notoriously a bad listener. All I heard was ‘thirteen,’ and I was like, oh yeah, that’s my crew... oops. Wrong thirteen.”

The rest of us paused in discomfort. He was so casual to make jokes about being our enemy. Riku, however, laughed. It dawned on me that maybe Riku was more equipped than any of us to summon some empathy for Axel. He knew what it was like to fight on both sides.

“Your healing spell,” said Goliath, studying Axel and drawing the tone away from his dark joke. “The language you spoke. It is so familiar to me. Have we met before?”

Axel smirked. “If we had, I’d remember and you wouldn’t. It wouldn’t have been me you met... it would have been the man whose shell I became. But trust me, I think I’d remember if he met someone like you. You’re kind of hard to forget.”

This time, all of us laughed. It was good that I could laugh, even when every other part of me was terrified. 

Lulu was the next to retire, followed by Riku and Leon. Axel volunteered to walk the perimeter of the camp. Goliath and I stayed awake talking. 

“The night owl keeps her vigil,” he said to me at one point.

I crouched beside him and stoked the embers of our fire with the edge of my Keyblade. With anyone else I might be prodded or nagged to explain what was keeping me up, but I was past all that with Goliath. He didn’t make me feel uneasy. Living through the night without sleep was the only world he knew. He never even saw the sun, I realized with a chill.

“Tell me more about Radiant Garden,” I said suddenly. “Anything you can think of.” Anything, perhaps, that might trigger a memory.

Goliath paused, not in discomfort, but in genuine thought. He never seemed to speak words that weren’t worth speaking, so I was patient to let him choose them carefully.

His stony lips curled into a smile. “At night in Radiant Garden, the witches would sing. The witches in internment, the witches in hiding, wherever they were, they kept alive the tradition of singing the songs that protected the peace. They called it the Lullaby of Souls. A kind of prayer, really.”

“But... wouldn’t that give away their position? For the ones in hiding?”

“That was the most remarkable part. The witches could sing without their voices. No matter how far apart their numbers had been scattered, they had a way of reaching one another. Talking through thoughts. And at the same agreed upon time, they would use that same magic to sing into the minds of everyone else in Radiant Garden. It was a way of calming one another, I believe, and a way of reaching out to any allies they may have had still in the fray.”

I started to remember the chaos on the gummi ship more closely. I had lost my concentration on Axel’s spell because I  _ heard _ Sora’s voice in my head. Had he meant to speak to me? Did he know the kind of magic that the witches of Radiant Garden knew?

It was a few hours before sunrise that I finally said goodnight to Goliath and was able to put my head upon my pallet and close my eyes, wondering to myself if the Lullaby of Souls had ever soothed me to sleep as a child. So far I only had the stories of Scrooge and Goliath, and the memory of the word “solare” to lull me to sleep.

That would be the last time I slept for several days.


	14. scary beyond all reason

I woke suddenly, as if I had never slept, and watched every tedious moment of the blood red sun rising through the jungle leaves. Eventually, the others stirred around me. Village wives handed out small grain cakes for breakfast. Men, women, and even children strapped on their makeshift armor. There was almost no talking, but within an hour the Thirteen were gathered around a mahogany table, looking at a map of the capital city and the surrounding jungle villages.

Leon delivered the instructions that would lead us into battle. Sora would lead the charge, flanked by Riku and Leon, a trove of mages and healers in their center, with Simba, Mulan, and Aladdin covering the rear.

“Kairi, you and Launchpad will stay and man the communications,” Leon said as a casual afterthought.

I blinked, slowly, letting the word  _ stay _ sink into my brain. “Stay here?” I blurted, even as Leon continued to walk through the battle tactics. “Why do you need me to stay here?”

The pause was awkward, and I realized by everyone’s quiet stares that I was overstepping my bounds by questioning Leon. Somewhere beyond the crowd of intent faces, I heard Riku chuckle softly. 

“The team needs you to stay here,” Leon answered simply. “And we must remember that we serve the team, not ourselves. There’s no time for questions that aren’t for the good of the group, Kairi.”

He brushed me off quickly as he continued his explicit debriefing, but I found myself drowning out his voice. I could hear nothing over my thumping heart. I felt like I was standing out on that beach again, wondering about Riku and Sora, feeling powerless as they fought and I waited. I looked across at Chicha and the other villagers, with their makeshift weapons, listening vigorously to Leon’s plans. They weren’t afraid or intimidated. They were ready to fight no matter what. How could I let them march ahead, ready to die for our cause, while I stayed behind at the command center letting my Keyblade collect dust?

-o-o-o-o-

That day, sitting on the dirt next to Launchpad, I became familiar with a new sensation. I liked to call it “battle quiet.” It’s this kind of silence that never feels still. Everything looks and sounds oddly relaxed, almost muted, but your senses somehow feel overwhelmed. Your heart won’t stop pacing. It’s the loudest silence you’ve ever heard. 

That’s how I felt while we waited. Even when the sounds of battle were audible, even when we could hear the sounds of our friends’ screams through the comm, battle quiet loomed. I felt restless and surreal. I tried to visualize the battlefield; tried to piece together the movement and the action from the auditory descriptions. It was the strangest thing.

Yzma and her monsters took the bait. They met the villagers head on, and I could hear the deluge of innocent screams. I could hear our own soldiers following up strong, surprising the Heartless and slaying them in force. Distinctly, I knew Sora’s voice as he let out battle cries, and when he screamed in pain from taking a blow. For a moment, I wanted to be liquid again, to reach out and protect his heart, to protect everyone’s heart. But the thought was absurd; Axel and Naminé knew that kind of magic, not me.

Battles lasted longer than I would have thought, too. Launchpad and I could do nothing but stare, waiting in the quiet. The sounds of death were distant and warbled through the comm.

_ “Sora, Riku and Yuffie reporting, we are through the battle lines... We are in the castle...” _

It should be over soon, I thought. I hoped. Some time later I heard a long trio of squeals and a splash.

_ “Why does she even  _ have _ that lever?!”  _ Yuffie’s voice barked. 

Somewhere outside the castle, Leon reported.  _ “No... this isn’t right... You guys should get out of there... Yzma has fled... Maleficent is here...” _

In a chaos of explosions, that’s when all the comms went down. Launchpad and I exchanged several moments of horrified confusion.

“We have to go to them,” I whispered.

“Go to them? We don’t even know what’s happening out there!”

Exhausted and irritated, I stomped back and forth, powerless to act. We sat in battle quiet, waiting, until the sun went down. It was then that Goliath woke up, and I found myself running into his arms, desperately and frantically explaining what we knew before communications went down. Goliath flew off immediately, and at first I felt hopeful, like somehow I had actually done something. But then there was more quiet, and waiting, and I felt even more horrible.

After so much quiet, we heard noises approaching. Bodies moved toward us in the moonlight. Axel was the first one I recognized, with his distinct red hair. Riku and Lulu carried Mulan between them, her feet dragging lifelessly on the ground. Launchpad and I rushed to meet them, helping to ease Mulan’s mangled body onto one of the bed pallets in our camp. Her face was pale, drained of blood. 

“Where are the others?” I asked, fearing the worst.

Lulu looked as though she didn’t even see or hear me as she brushed Mulan’s hair out of her face, looking for life in her eyes. She had no healing magic herself, but rifled through the potions in our stock.

“We had Yzma handled well enough, but when we got into her lab, someone else had beat us there,” Riku answered. He pulled out a handkerchief and poured a splash of potion into it. He casually patted his wounds as he continued recounting the tale. “She was a woman when we first started fighting, but when the sun went down she… changed. Another gargoyle, someone Goliath told us was called Demona. She took the Grimorum and beat past us to get out. She took Yuffie down hard, so Sora stayed to heal her while I went after Demona. That’s when Maleficent ambushed everyone.” He laughed darkly. “Maleficent never planned to make a deal with Yzma. I blame myself for not seeing that one coming. She killed every one of her accomplices when I was with her.”

Mulan let out a pained shriek from where she lay as Lulu inspected her leg. It was twisted in the wrong way, most certainly broken. Even worse than her leg was her head; half of her face was swollen and covered in blood.

“But... where are the others?” I echoed. Yuffie went down and Sora stayed... what if they never made it out?

Nearby, we heard the grass rustle. Simba emerged, carrying a weary Aladdin slumped on his back, and padded over to us. Axel walked slowly a few feet behind them. Riku met Simba and gently transferred Aladdin to a pallet beside Mulan. Two soldiers down and not a proficient healer among us. I swallowed hard.

“What happened?” I asked as I squatted beside Aladdin’s sprawled body. He was restless, trying to sit up straight even as Riku held him down and pressed some water to his lips.

Aladdin drank deeply until at last he pushed the jug away, wiping his mouth with the worn cloth bands around his wrists. “I took a hit in Yzma’s lab. Sora, Yuffie, and I got out of the castle and that’s when we realized Maleficent’s plan... the Heartless were everywhere, Yzma’s Heartless fighting against Maleficent’s... Even when Jafar took over the palace back home, I can’t remember seeing so many in one place. Fortunately for us, Maleficent was too busy crushing Yzma to realize there was another foe at play. Demona escaped with the Grimorum through a portal she created and Goliath went in after her. Sora and the others followed, and then the portal closed.”

Riku sighed, stashing his handkerchief back in his pocket. “It all happened so fast.”

_ Fast? _ I thought. Time had been crawling for hours. My head was swimming. “So we have no idea where they are? We have no way to communicate with them?”

Riku put his hand on my shoulder to calm me. “The best we can do right now is to heal our party. We can get back to the ship and use the comm there. That’s the first way the others will try to reach us, wherever they’ve gone.”

Lulu spoke up. “You’ll have to assume command until we reunite with Leon,” she said, looking at him with her dark eyes.

Riku held his breath for a moment, trying to pretend like we weren’t all gazing at him expectantly. “Right,” he mumbled. Blushing as he realized we’d all silently assented to taking orders from him, he left me, Axel, and Lulu to care for the wounded, while he took the rest of the crew to recover the gummi ship.

I felt a shudder run through me as I knew what Axel was going to ask of me before he even spoke.

With a cocked eyebrow, he held out his gloved hand. “You know the drill by now, right, princess?”

“I haven’t mastered any healing spells,” I countered reluctantly, although I knew with him that hardly mattered. I had never learned how to be liquid or feel the hearts around me, either, but those things came naturally enough whenever Axel and I touched hands.

Mulan moaned through her labored breathing. Lulu bandaged her head wound, but it had already bled through. I had to help her anyway I could, even if it meant sharing Axel’s power.

He took my hand, as Naminé once had, and I expected him to take Mulan’s. Instead, when he lifted her pale hand, he eased her fingers into mine. “This might feel different,” he said. “Don’t freak out.”

And the next thing I knew, I could hear Axel in my thoughts.  _ I want you to say the words, _ said his voice, as clear as if he’d spoken aloud.

I did, as he’d anticipated, freak out. Instinctively I tried to move away from him, but he tightened his grip on my hands.

_ Come on, I told you not to freak out _ , he continued.  _ I figure you’ll be less self-conscious if Lulu can’t hear me giving you instructions. You’re intimidated by her, right? _

I blushed but didn’t respond. Instead, I said, “How are you doing this?” Lulu glanced curiously at us, but Axel ignored her and kept his eyes locked with me.

_ This is just another form of magic, okay? Magic works by manipulating reality, and the mind is the filter for our realities.  _ _ Reality as you know it consists not just of this physical plane _ _ , but all the realms of Light and Dark that flow within it… with enough training, our thoughts can travel through those forces instead of sound. Think of it as levels of magic. At the most basic level you have your elements; channeling forces of the physical world. Then you have a higher level of summoning and teleporting; channeling forces from other planes of reality. Then the highest level involves combining the two: bridging the physical and the beyond. Reading minds, manipulating time or memories, draining or restoring the life force from someone, protecting hearts. _

I nodded. Terrifying as it was, I could wrap my head around the gist of it. I had felt before like I could speak to Darkness, when the portal appeared that helped run away from him.

Axel continued.

_ So now I want you to say the words: Love, blood, solare. Got it memorized? _

Solare. The word my grandmother had tried to teach me as a toddler. My only childhood memory. I nodded again.

_ Good. Now while you say the words, you’re trying to get inside Mulan. First you have to change her reality; make her think she is not in pain, and she will not feel the pain. Then, let her mind tell you where her body is broken. Let her heart tell you where she is weak. _

I tried pretending that Axel’s voice was Naminé’s, and that it was her teaching me instead of him. They were both Nobodies. They both knew the same kind of magic. But somehow when Naminé did it, I was enchanted, and when Axel did it, I was afraid.

“Love, blood, solare,” I said, looking into Mulan’s half-open eyes.  _ You are not in pain _ , I thought, gazing hard at her.  _ You are not in pain _ . “Love, blood, solare. Love, blood, solare.”

Her brow unfurled and the slightest touch of relief washed over her face. I could almost feel a burden in my own body lifted, and I knew that I had at least succeeded in numbing her pain. 

I continued to follow Axel’s strange instructions, managing some kind of wordless conversation with her heart. What answered was something unnerving and sinister- a cold, black whisper hibernating in her veins. I could feel the healing magic mend her wounds, but the Darkness in her would not abate.

As Axel and I continued to cast healing spells over her, Lulu removed the soiled head and leg bandages and wrapped fresh ones around her.

“The bleeding seems to be stopping, at least,” Lulu said quietly.

_ I did magic _ , I thought proudly. I found myself searching Axel’s eyes, smiling at him while he smiled back. Then I remembered that he terrified me, and I looked away. I moved to Aladdin and cast the spell by myself, glad that he was in far better condition. I wasn’t ready to make eye contact with Axel so soon after our brief shared smile.

“I’ll tend to them,” Lulu said, pouring water into Mulan’s lips. “Perhaps the two of you could hunt something for us to eat.”

Just what I wanted: to spend time alone with Axel at night in a jungle that was scary beyond all reason. 

“Maybe I should stay with Mulan and Aladdin,” I offered. “You probably know more about hunting than I do, Lulu.”

Lulu’s face remained ever expressionless as she clutched her doll with one hand and pointed to the skeleton of our cookfire pit. In an instant, crackling flames burst forth from the charred kindling.

“But if I go hunting, who will tend the fire?”

Axel stifled a chuckle. I could have pointed out that fire-magic was Axel’s bread-and-butter, but that would have forced me to be alone in the woods with Lulu, which was hardly a better scenario.

He fashioned us torches out of branches and brush, then lit them just by touching them. He wagged his eyebrows at me and I rolled my eyes, pretending like I wasn’t impressed. We left the safe clearing of the campsite and ventured into a wooded area. The animal sounds we heard were completely foreign to me. I couldn’t even picture what we’d be hunting, to say nothing of the fact that I’d never hunted a day in my life. I laughed nostalgically on the inside as I pictured what Selphie might think of this scene:  _ You’re going off ALONE with a BOY to kill ANIMALS? _ She enjoyed a hamburger as much as anyone, but I’m sure this was part of the process she could conveniently forget about.

“So…” I said at last, looking at the strange and looming flora around us. “What’s for dinner?”

Axel stopped walking for a minute, and held up a hand to shush me. He snapped his fingers and our torches instantly extinguished. I waited in confusion in the darkness, until Axel shot a sudden fireball out of his hands that went whizzing right past my ear. My heart was pounding as I touched my cold hand to the heat I felt on my face.

“What the hell?” I cried.

Axel relit our torches and waltzed past me, to the tree he’d been aiming at. He picked up a freshly-roasted carcass from the ground and dangled it in front of my face. “You like squirrel meat?”

I wrinkled my nose. “Not my first pick… but we don’t have much choice, I suppose.”

He nodded. “Alright. Your turn.”

My eyes widened. “Huh?”

“You don’t expect me to do all the work, do you? I thought you were all about proving how you could carry your own weight?”

I tried not to blush and swallowed the lump forming in my throat. I mean I  _ was  _ always saying I wanted to be able to take care of myself. Would I get by, if I were separated from the team entirely, and had to support myself? Timidly, I unsheathed my Keyblade and tiptoed forward, squinting into the tree branches and focusing my ears on the slightest movement. I saw the bushy tail-end of a squirrel a few feet in front of me and dug in my toes, squeezing the hilt of the Keyblade. I leapt forward, pushing off against the gnarled tree roots to get some height, and swung the blade toward the creature.

The jagged teeth of my Keyblade hit the tree branch with a trembling  _ thud _ , sticking hard into the bark. The force of the backlash was so strong I fell backwards. I blushed furiously while Axel laughed.

“Shut up!” I snapped, dusting the dirt from my butt as I stood. I summoned my Keyblade and it dissolved from the branch, reappearing in my hands. “I’ve never… this is a new thing for me, okay?”

Axel brought his hand to his mouth and coughed, covering his laugh until it subsided. “Now, I know those Keyblades are exciting little toys,” he said. “But for this particular task, may I suggest something a little more graceful?”

I sighed, disappearing the Keyblade, and nodded slowly.

Axel grinned and nodded back. He stepped directly behind me and drew his arm around mine. I flinched in response, remembering all at once the terrifying feeling of being bound by those arms and carried through the Darkness.

Axel read my fear and froze. He pulled his hands away from me, holding them out in a surrender pose. He spoke softly. “Sorry.” It was almost a whisper, drifting past my ear. “I just wanted to show you, see…” He held his own left arm outward, showing me the angle so that I could mimic him. “Fire-magic is sort of a physical thing. You have to feel it burning in you, kind of a painful and uncomfortable feeling that you want to get rid of… and that’s what gives you control over it. A cathartic release.”

He let his fingertips cautiously graze the skin of my wrists and indeed I felt it; a red hot tingling sensation.  _ Now see the flames _ , he said, not aloud but right into my thoughts, and I could see them. I felt the discomfort, like he said I would. It was like holding your hand over a candle to see how long you could keep it there. I felt the flames, let them fill my skin and mind to the point of not being able to stand it.

_ What now? _ I asked Axel silently, stunning myself.

_ Choose your target. _

There was a light rustle in a nearby tree and I squinted to spot the squirrel crouched behind some leaves. I pushed out all of the fire-feeling in one concentrated burst, like putting your hand right into the flame, and watched it fly across the air. It hit the target dead-on, and I watched as the crispy squirrel dropped to the ground with a thud.

The softer, Selphie-laden part of my spirit gasped in remorse for the poor creature, but a stronger voice in me beamed with pride. It had been nothing more than a thought, a flick of the hand, and yet  _ this _ is what I’d been able to produce.

Axel smiled, too. “Nice shootin’, Rex,” he said with a soft and singular clap. “I think you’re getting the hang of this. A witch’s journey begins in flames, they say.”

My excitement faded and fear hit my gut. “What? What did you say?”

Axel shrugged and looked away from me. Hiding something he knew I would have seen in his eyes. “Just an expression, no big deal. Something Naminé used to say.”

Something my grandmother used to say. My grandmother, a witch. Scrooge had said… he had told me, but I was too foolish to put the pieces together.

I was Kairi, heir to Radiant Gardens, and I was clearly a witch.


	15. salty

When we returned, the ship had been towed to our campsite and the others were waiting. We could hear jaguars howling in the vast expanses of the jungle, something I was grateful we hadn’t tried hunting. The camp felt like a ghost town. Smoldered cookfires and empty tents reached outward for miles from the epicenter. We were at least seventy-five strong at sunrise; now we were a mere eight. Aladdin distributed the bread and squirrel-meat evenly among us, and we chewed quietly as we stared at the fire. 

Mulan couldn’t eat. Aladdin tried, futilely, dipping chunks of bread into water and gently feeding it to her, but she barely had the strength to swallow. The bleeding had stopped, but something else was clearly wrong. That black whisper of Darkness in her blood, I knew. It had spoken to me, but that didn’t mean I had the power to eradicate it. I felt powerless and guilty as I forced down bites of squirrel meat. 

One by one, everyone around me retired for the night. I found myself alone again with Axel, gazing at the dying embers. We sat in silence for a long time.

“You’re not going to sleep?” I asked finally. It must have been well past midnight.

“Don’t sleep,” Axel replied, picking his teeth with a whittled squirrel bone. “I’m not exactly human, if you recall.”

I rolled my eyes. “How could I forget?”

He laughed, and sighed, and rubbed his presumably never-tiring eyes. “Oh, princess. Could you at least be subtle about how much you hate me? I promise you, it’s no skin off my nose; I literally have no feelings. But I think it might not be the best thing for team morale, you being a salty cunt every time you look at me.”

My eyes widened but I held my tongue. I’d never been insulted so abrasively before. I don’t think I’d ever been truly insulted before, ever. Riku may have teased me from time to time, but all my life I had never really felt anything but love and admiration. I was Destiny Islands’ golden girl; everyone around me had been nothing but gentle and supportive for the entire life that I could remember.

“I have my reasons,” I huffed. “I mean.... I just don’t understand. Why are you even here? Why would you even care about team morale? I’m really confused about whose side you’re on, and I’m sorry, but I have a hard time forgetting that you held me  _ captive. _ It’s the kind of thing that makes a person salty.”

The firelight shone against his cocky grin. It was unnerving. I found it very difficult to believe that someone with no feelings could have such an acute sense of humor. I also had to ask myself why, in the midst of all this, I was so fixated on showing him just how little I trusted him. So far, he had done nothing but help me get better at magic.

With the faintest exhalation, Axel flicked his wrist in the direction of the dying fire and a tower of flames emerged. I could feel its heat pressing on me, compounding the sweltering jungle humidity. I could feel a fog around my skin as beads of sweat dripped down my spine and face. 

“You don’t have to believe that I’m suddenly a good guy,” he answered. “Just maybe consider that I was never a bad guy to begin with. All my compadres and I ever wanted was to be whole. I realize for someone as classically innocent as yourself, the points of the moral compass must seem pretty indisputable. But for someone who is Nothing... things are a little more complicated.”

I squirmed at the word  _ innocent. _ It made me feel weak. Underestimated. Misinterpreted. There had to be so much more to me than innocence. I knew I was strong, underneath all the pink zippers. I looked at him, a bulky and looming presence in his black cloak, and for a fleeting moment I realized that maybe he was more than he seemed, too. 

I was so caught up in staring and probing at this strange Nobody that his sudden movement startled me. In a single careless motion he unzipped his entire cloak, and laid it gently on the ground beside him. He wore simple denim pants and a green sleeveless t-shirt. _Whoa! Hello,_ _arms,_ I thought. I blushed a little at how attractive his body was. I could see a layer of sweat on his skin. I don’t know what I assumed lie beneath that cloak, but I certainly didn’t expect him to look so... human.

“So... what changed?” I asked at last. “Why are you here, but all the others are gone?”

His green eyes were speckled with firelight as he gazed seriously across the flames. “Well for starters, I’m still alive.”

I blushed and looked down.  _ Because of me, _ I thought.  _ Alive because of me and Naminé.  _

I had been so busy fearing and loathing Axel that I hadn’t stopped to consider the benefit of having him as an ally. Here, alone by the fire, I had an unforeseen opportunity to get some answers about Naminé, and the ominous destiny she had foretold.

“But you could’ve gone anywhere, done anything,” I pondered aloud. Clear as day, I could still see him lying lifeless, clutching Naminé’s hand. “With the Organization destroyed you were tied to no one. So why join the King?” I thought harder on the details of that strange moment in time. “Naminé asked you to go to Radiant Garden. She said there was so much to be done.”

Axel shrugged and smiled, looking at the fire rather than me. “Ah, yes. She was right, too, wasn’t she? She knew that all of this was going to happen. Tricky little witch.”

“So what did she want you to do?” What was in Radiant Garden, my forgotten home, that could be so important for Axel to take care of on Naminé’s behalf?

“Find Leon. Tell him to keep vigilant. Tell him to warn the King.”

“She couldn’t do that herself?”

The look on Axel’s face then was wry and tragic. “You really don’t get the whole Nobody thing, do you? You’ve got this monstrous notion of me, but somehow you remember Naminé as if she was a normal girl like you. She was never real, princess. Naminé, like the rest of us, was never supposed to exist. She knew she wasn’t going to... she knew she wasn’t going to be around when Sora closed the Door. She knew she would end. You and Naminé can’t exist in the same world. Got it memorized?”

I sighed. “She knew she wouldn’t exist any more. And... she knew that you would be able to go on because...”

“Because the man I once was is dead. There’s no one for me to return to. His life gone, his Heartless vanquished... but the shell remains.” He looked at me with a crooked smile on his face. “Lucky me.”

The humming jungle suddenly seemed distant and silent as his eyes burned right into mine. The crackling fire was a tiny island of light in the darkness that surrounded us. I felt my mouth go dry as I watched him, immobilized by his gaze. I was too proud to look away or admit that I momentarily felt sorry for him. 

He was the first to break our eye contact. He sighed and reached for a stick to stoke the fire with. “I have better hair, anyway.”

I held my breath in the quiet that followed.

“So I guess Naminé was right to trust you,” I conceded at last. I scratched the back of my neck and cringed at the sensation of sweat under my fingernails. “You did find Leon, and warned the King.”

Axel only shrugged. “Yeah. Warned him that something terrible was coming and there was nothing that could be done to stop it. I’m a real hero. That should have been the end of my duties, honestly, but the mouse, you know? The mouse roped me into all of… this.” He gestured to the deserted camp around us.

I didn’t know what to say to that. I didn’t want to think like that, like everything we were fighting for was hopeless. That was the sort of thing only someone without a heart could bear to face.

“Well... I’m getting pretty tired.” Except I wasn’t, not even a little bit. My heart was racing as fast as my thoughts. I just couldn’t stand another moment alone with Axel. Awkwardly, I walked away from him and settled into my pallet. I faced away from him so I could pretend to sleep, but I couldn’t even stand to close my eyes.

-o-o-o-o-

In the absence of sleep, I took my mind on a walk through Radiant Garden. I tried to remember the streets as vividly as I could. I took myself from the gummi ship through the town square, past Scrooge’s pub, beyond the broken bailey and to the castle terrace. I walked through the halls, past the Chapel, into the garden courtyard where Leon asked me to be queen. Something, I thought, anything. Something in that place had to be familiar to me.

_ Solare _ . The word my grandmother tried to teach me. Only my grandmother had been in my recovered memory. Where were my parents? Had they already been killed? How did I escape?

_ “Go into the fire, Kairi-chan.” _

My grandmother’s voice. A different memory. I could hear her pleading with me. I was seven. We were somewhere far away from home, deep in the woods. We’d been running for a long time. It had been late one night that Gran picked me up out of my bed and told me we must hurry. Gran, that’s what I called her. I felt like I could even remember my bedroom somehow. Faint memories of lavender curtains and stars painted on the ceiling. Gran scooped me up, wrapped me in a blanket, and we left our home behind.

In the woods, my stomach was growling because I hadn’t eaten in over a day. It was early morning, an hour or so before the sun would rise. We had collected wood for hours, and my arms ached. Slowly, Gran built up a giant scorching bonfire, taller than me. I was crying because she had told me to walk into it, and I didn’t understand why Gran wanted to burn me.

“Go into the fire, Kairi-chan,” said Gran, her frail hands placed firmly on my shoulders, nudging me forward. “The fire will cleanse you. Free your heart from this terrible, terrible evil.”

In my periphery, someone was crying. A boy whose face was hidden in shadows. “There has to be another way,” he said. “She’s too young. She won’t make it.”

Gran pushed me closer to the fire and I let out a yelp as the flames licked my skin. “A witch’s journey begins and ends in flames.”

Lying on my pallet in the deep dark night, I could hear my heart thundering. I walked back through the memory again and again in my mind, trying to connect the dots.  _ Witches. _ Scrooge said they’d been persecuted, innocent witches and falsely-accused witches alike. People turned over their friends and neighbors, fueled by terror and blind ignorance.

I lay there for hours trying to relive it, to make sense of it. I wouldn’t have noticed the time passing at all if I hadn’t slowly become aware of the sun creeping steadily from the horizon. Soon the companions around me would awaken, and another day of our mission would begin. And I hadn’t slept at all.

I felt a lump in my throat and a heaviness in my heart. For years, I’d had a blind spot in my mind, unable to recall the first years of my childhood. Now I had recovered my only cohesive memory of life before Destiny Islands, and all I could piece together was that my grandmother had tried to murder me.


	16. heart of the jungle

The sun rose and others began to stir, and finally I could stop pretending to sleep. I walked to the stream to splash cold water on my face and savor a few minutes alone before I had to face anyone else. I was running on no sleep, despite feeling like I’d been stuck all night in a nightmare.

When I returned to camp, everyone loitered sleepily around the cookfire. Axel was changing Mulan’s bandages while Lulu stirred some kind of porridge. Riku stood over the group, looking every bit the reluctant leader.

“Basically, we are stranded,” he announced with a sarcastic grin. “The gummi engine appears to be... how did you describe it, Launchpad?”

Obediently, Launchpad rose, his hands folded behind his back military-style as he addressed Riku. “Smashed up like my Aunt Penelope at Mardi Gras, sir,” he responded dutifully.

Riku sighed. “Right. That. So we won’t be gummying out of this World any time soon. We’ve yet to receive any communication from Leon or the others. We have zero intelligence, limited provisions, and...”

Lulu sighed as she removed the porridge pot from the fire. “So what should we  _ do, _ Riku? You’re our leader now, like it or not. What’s the best course of action?”

There was a reticence in his eyes that I’d first seen when he was trapped in Ansem’s form. The weight of his shame was visible, and it made him distrust himself. He was nothing like the cocksure Riku I’d known all those years on the islands. He seemed as though he was battling demons every time he spoke. 

With a deep breath, though, he came back to life. He closed his eyes as he spoke with level certainty. “Launchpad and I will continue repairs on the ship, and we can monitor the comm in case Leon tries to make contact. Lulu and Aladdin will alternate watch on camp and watch on Mulan. Axel, Kairi, and Simba should scout out the palace and the surrounding village. We need intel and whatever provisions you can find.”

I nodded fervently. I was ready for a real task; I didn’t want to stay behind again. I wanted to act. 

-o-o-o-o-

In the palacial village, everything was empty. Quiet. Too quiet.

I had watched the demise of monsters before; I had seen Heartless and Nobodies slain. None of that could prepare me for what we saw as we neared the palace outskirts. Rubble and dust clearly marked the threshold of where the battle had been, and once we crossed it, the stench of death was inescapable. When a Heartless died, it disappeared; it rejoined the heart of the world where it belonged. It was almost beautiful. When a Heartless killed a human, the hearts were lost and the shells, if strong enough, went to someplace Beyond, to be reborn as Nobodies.

When a human killed another human, however, it left behind a horrible reminder. The corpses lie mangled, carelessly stretched across what had once been bustling thoroughfares. They were beginning to bloat and stink. Their hollow eyes gazed up at me as we passed. I wanted desperately to tiptoe around the blood, but I knew that I had to trod forward and keep my head up.

“In here,” said Axel. His voice seemed louder than it should have, but only because there was so little sound across this graveyard. He pointed to a door that was marked in a language I couldn’t read. “There’s a sentry post nearby. This looks like it could be an armory. Or at the very least a breakroom. Maybe they have coffee, eh, princess? Looks like you could use a cup of joe.”

I found myself almost too tired to scowl. I settled for an exasperated huff as I followed him inside the armory. Simba sat crouched at the doorway, keeping watch. 

The room inside was so dimly lit that I found it disorienting, especially after my sleepless night, but Axel navigated with ease. He perused the shelves, lined with clay jars and woven baskets, and began collecting ammunition and assorted arms. I waited patiently as he packed his own sack and mine with the items he deemed worth taking. My mind began to wander as I stood there letting him do all the work, and I started thinking of the bodies again...

My morbid mental wanderings were interrupted by Axel’s soft chuckle. I raised an eyebrow. “What could possibly be funny?” I asked.

He lifted a small burlap bag from the clutter of the shelves and held it close to my face. It was hard to discern exactly what was inside; they looked like misshapen beads.

“Smell,” he instructed.

Confused, I leaned toward the bag and took a whiff. It smelled like dirt, but also sweet, like dark chocolate. Pungent and spicy but soothing and inviting. I sighed. It just wasn’t fair.

“Coffee,” I confirmed. He laughed again. I shook my head and turned away, unable to stop the smile from spreading across my face. “Great. Now you can have your punchline and eat it too.”

I tucked the sack of coffee beans into my bag and started rummaging the next shelf for myself, plucking up a few miscellaneous food stores.

“Looks like a fair amount of provisions,” Axel concluded as we returned to Simba in the doorway. He glanced up and down the abandoned palace lobby. “Intel, on the other hand, seems to be in short supply.”

With a frown, I forgot about the coffee, and remembered the corpse-lined streets. Somberly, Simba sat at the entrance. His eyes were intense with concentration.

“I hear something,” he said, shifting his feline eyes up and down the causeway. 

A few inches behind me, I could sense Axel tensing up as well. “Heartless,” he confirmed, clutching his fingers around his chakrams. “I hear them, too.”

My heart began thudding in my chest. I quietly drew my Keyblade and held it in front of me as I took a few cautious steps into the causeway. I squinted my eyes as I surveyed the palace’s outer wall, straining to see movement in the sea of corpses. Above us, the blistering sun peaked at high noon.

I stopped suddenly, holding up my hand to signal the others. Axel and Simba froze behind me, exchanging a glance as they waited for me to say something. Something wasn’t right. Frowning, I glanced down at my feet. High noon, yet my shadow stretched several feet in front of me.

I took a few steps backward, and my shadow grew. The darkened contours on the dirt grew opaque and heavy, and the shadow rose from the ground. I stood slack-jawed at the Heartless that now stood in front of me, a menacing silhouette of my own body.

Shadow-Kairi squinted its burning golden eyes at me before letting out a vicious cackle. She dashed away toward the palace gates, gliding above the ground, faster than a heartbeat.

“Go!” I shouted. I immediately heard Axel and Simba’s feet pounding behind mine as we followed the Shadow out the gates and into the city’s market thoroughfares. I no longer had time to feel sick to my stomach as I hopped over the dead bodies, not willing to let the Shadow out of sight. Suddenly my summer training seemed incredibly useful, as I stayed close on the Shadow’s tail for nearly a mile out of the city center. She led us further away from the marketplace, heading toward the lush tree line of the jungle.

“We’ll never be able to track it in there,” I urged the two creatures running at my heels. “We won’t have enough light to see her underneath the canopy!”

The Shadow cackled again as she scurried under the protective cover of the jungle shade. I pounded my feet harder to go after her, but Axel placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Wait,” he said. “I think we’ve got bigger problems than a shadow clone... can’t you feel that?”

I met his serious eyes, probing mine. He seemed to really be asking me.

“Feel... what?”

He shook his head at me in disapproval. “Darkness. There’s something out there... something  _ big. _ It’s right in front of us, at the edge of the jungle. I don’t know why it won’t show itself.”

Simba perked his ears apprehensively. I squinted at the tree line, trying to feel or at least see any indication of the danger Axel seemed to sense. The way he looked at me, I knew it must be a kind of magic he expected me to understand as well. I scanned the length of each moss-covered branch and blossoming annatto tree, listened carefully to the cicadas humming in the ferns. There was a bright red bird watching us from one of the tallest trees, so far away I couldn’t see its eyes, only the rhythmic rise and fall of its chest. That’s when I realized, it wasn’t a red bird breathing, but the flaring nostril of something much, much bigger.

I lifted my Keyblade. “Um, I don’t think it’s hiding in the jungle,” I announced. “It  _ is  _ the jungle.”

There was just the slightest shimmer in the vast expanse of treeline that gave a hint of a beast’s outline. Arms of gnarled branches and lush vines, a torso of knotted leaves. Two enormous trunks, as large as three columns of the Coliseum put together, suddenly emerged from the earth as legs. The ground thudded and damp mud slung into our faces as the legs marched loudly toward us.

“And that,” Axel announced, putting his weight on his heels as he crouched in a defensive position, “is one hella big Heartless.”

I didn’t even have time to raise my weapon. Thick, leathery vines reached out from the monster’s swampy body and slashed across my face. I saw stars for a moment and my stomach lurched as my whole body was slammed backward into the dirt. 

“Kairi!” shouted Axel, tossing a cloud of potion over me. I felt strength restore my beaten body.

Simba galloped past. “Jump on!” he offered, and I nodded at his inspiration. Mounted on Simba, his strength and mine were combined. I locked my legs around him and we rode forward. The Heartless was miles long, its features barely discernible as anything other than a mass of jungle. Axel shot off rounds of fire balls in rapid succession. The Heartless screamed in pain with each hit, a horrendous, high-pitched squeal. I followed his lead and cast my own Fire spells, but I couldn’t keep pace. Even under fire, the Heartless was able to use the many limbs and leaves of its bizarre form to continue to beat us down with attacks.

“This isn’t working!” I heard Axel yell at me across the fray. “It’s healing itself too quickly, we can’t do any damage at this rate.”

I felt sweat and blood pouring simultaneously down my arms as my Fire spells grew weaker. Simba was doing all he could just to evade the slashes of the monster’s vines; our strategy rapidly deteriorated from offensive to defensive.

“Simba,” I urged. “Get out of the Heartless’ range for a minute and ride up about half a mile that way.” I pointed with my Keyblade while Simba bowed his head, looking a little confused but cooperative all the same. We rode to the far end of the tree line, where the monstrous creature’s undulating torso seemed to begin. “Take me in close,” I said, bracing myself. “Get as close to this thing as you can get and  _ run _ , as quick as you can, stay close to the body.”

Simba followed my instructions and as he dove in near the Heartless’ belly, I dug in my Keyblade as deep as it would go. “GO!” I screamed, and he sprinted forward, grazing the piercing might of my Keyblade through the Heartless body as he pulled me with him. 

“Axel! Fire at the open wound!”

Axel nodded and breathed in a huge breath, launching all of his strength into another round of rapidfire, tracing the gash I cut into the Heartless with flames. I braced my arms taut while Simba pulled my weight through the vast expanse of the Heartless body. I could feel the heat of Axel’s fire just behind me, and I could hear the shrill reverberating screams of the Heartless dying.

We reached the end and Simba galloped back toward Axel. The three of us looked up to see the swirling, explosive light that signaled the death of the Heartless. Blue, purple, and golden smoke reached into the sky for miles, darkening everything around us as if it was nightfall. I sat mounted on Simba, heaving for breath, mystified. 

“Damn,” said Axel, at last. “You just…  _ literally keyed the jungle. _ ”

I couldn’t help but beam back at him.

“What’s that?” asked Simba, staring into the now-gaping opening in the tree line. In the bruised jungle clearing, a single, vibrant pink butterfly hovered over the gravesite. In the next instant, it started to glow, creating a shimmering beacon. After a few sweeping figure eights, it fluttered ahead into the jungle, shining it’s light on a worn path.

“It’s moving,” Simba said. With a nudge of my thighs, I urged the lion-steed forward, but the closer we got, the further up the hill the ball of magic drifted.

“And we’re… we’re going to follow it, aren’t we?” Axel sighed. “Of course we are. Goddamn magic quest nonsense.”

We climbed for at least twenty minutes, following the guiding light of the butterfly, who seemed to pause and circle impatiently whenever we failed to keep pace. As our elevation increased, our view of the sweeping hills around us grew more exquisite, glistening in the afternoon sun. We left the thick vegetation behind and came upon Chicha’s village.

My heart ached as we marched through the still and abandoned homes. This place, these homes, the public chess set with its pieces left mid-game… none of those people would ever return to those things. Onward we climbed through the ghost village, until the butterfly’s guiding light swooped into the topmost house, Chicha’s home and the militia’s base camp. A small pack of grazing llamas eyed us mildly as I dismounted Simba and entered the home of their owners, who were never coming home.

At the threshold of the house, the wood was marked with chinks showing the growth of the two children. The doors and moulding were made of hand-carved mahogany. Everything inside was made with love by a family that hadn’t survived.

My grief lifted only when the glimmering butterfly drifted in front of me, nagging me, reminding me it had brought us out here for a purpose. I followed as it zipped out the back window, onto a deck overlooking the family pool, with a water slide carved into the rock. The view was breathtaking- as if the hills could sing.

“Look,” said Simba quietly.

Axel followed his gaze and grinned slightly. “Your job isn’t over yet, Keyblade Bearer,” he said to me.

The butterfly joined dozens of others, flocking to the hillside, dancing around the blazing outline of a keyhole-- the heart of the world, waiting to be locked. I had heard Sora’s stories but had never seen it with my own eyes. I felt Axel’s finger tips nudge my elbow, and blushed as I realized  _ I  _ was the one holding the Keyblade, after all.

With a deep breath, I lifted the blade in my hand and pointed it at the Keyhole. An explosive sensation went through my whole body, more powerful than Fire or Darkness, as a beam of light emitted from the Keyblade’s teeth and sealed the Keyhole with a discernible  _ clink. _


	17. just around the riverbend

Returning to camp, I felt alive. I felt daring and powerful, maybe for the first time in my life. But my excitement quickly dissipated when I met Riku’s eyes.

“Mulan’s... getting worse. Nothing’s working and I just don’t...” He sighed. “I don’t know what to do.”

“I might know a healer that could help her,” said Axel.

“Does she make house calls?” Riku snorted. 

“I’m sure you know that in the Organization we never fussed with things like vessels. A portal could take us through the Corridor of Darkness and across the worlds, wherever we need to go, soon enough to save Mulan.”

“Not exactly a high-risk activity for beings with no hearts. But the rest of us... we’d never survive the Darkness.” He gave an extra shudder, remembering all too well how Darkness closed in on a heart.

“I could shield you,” Axel said with a shrug. “I could shield your hearts on the passage.”

Riku was still skeptical. “Why didn’t you bring this up before?”

“One, we’d have to leave the ship behind... leave behind our only way to get in touch with the rest of the squad. And two, the big one, I can’t do it by myself.”

He did not have to turn toward me for me to know who he needed. Together, we could shield their hearts, just like we did as the gummi ship was crashing. I still didn’t completely understand how, but I knew it was true. I just had to scrounge up the courage to admit it.

I felt tiny sweat drops on my forehead. I cleared my throat. “Um... Axel. Could I... borrow you for just a tiny sec?”

I felt the curious eyes of every other team member on me, not the least of which were Axel’s. I distinctly saw him trying to suppress a grin. He stepped toward me and followed me as I led us out of earshot from the team, toward the jungle’s edge.

I wrapped my arms around myself, staring into the vast curtain of vegetation. I was silent for a moment, trying to form thoughts, until finally I turned my head toward him. He stood parallel to me, arms folded in mimicry of mine, eyes burning intently into mine. He waited patiently, the stifled smile still lurking on his face.

“We can’t do this,” I said at last. His eyes were as green as the canopy above us. Too green. I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. “It’s too dangerous.”

His smile burst free and he laughed at me. “Um, hello, war? Literally everything we’ve done since we left the Coliseum has been dangerous.”

“I know, but I can’t...” I choked on the words. “I’m  _ scared _ , Axel.”

I expected him to be callous, to laugh or to scold, but he seemed unmoved. He shrugged. “Of course you are. Darkness is scary. You’ll get over it.”

“I’m not scared of the Darkness.” It occurred to me that more often than I had been afraid of Darkness, I had been  _ drawn _ to it. Two years ago, it pulled me out of my bed in the middle of the night to open the Door in the Secret Place. One year ago, it had found me on the beach when I first met Axel. Darkness enchanted me, excited me, but never truly scared me.

I squeezed my arms tighter around myself. “If it were you and me alone, I wouldn’t care. I’d go into the Darkness myself any day. You’ve seen me do it. But don’t you remember what happened on the gummi ship? I got distracted... I... I let down the shield. I can’t be responsible for everyone else’s  _ hearts _ . What if I screw it up?”

Visibly, dramatically, Axel rolled his perfect green eyes. “Typical woman.”

“ _ Excuse me? _ ”

“You’re perfectly willing to be a martyr, or distressed damsel or whatever, but you won’t step up when it’s time to be a real leader.”

“Women can be just as good leaders as--!”

“Of course they can! But that’s never the way the story goes, is it? The dames are always waiting for a hero, cleaning someone else’s floors, or babysitting seven adult men with stupid names. Always willing to suffer for someone else’s convenience, but never willing to inconvenience  _ anyone _ in order to accomplish their own goals. Screw that noise. I mean, did you even  _ see you _ today? You healed the damn heart of the world! Are you going to be the princess who waits on the hero, or are  _ you _ that fucking hero?”

He reached out and put his leather-gloved hand on my chest. “I know it’s new, but you do have the gift, okay? Believe me. It’s in  _ here _ .” He pressed his hand hard against my sternum and I shuddered. “Do you think Naminé’s powers came from nothing? She was born from your heart. You have this kind of magic in you, and  _ you _ are the one the team needs right now. They need you to be brave, and you need them to risk their lives because it’s a risk worth taking. You are a leader worth following.”

I watched his face carefully, looking for an indicator of his signature sarcasm, but his eyes were set. Maybe it was because he was a Nobody that his vote of confidence was so easy to accept. He had no feelings, no empathy or social obligations to give me lip service. I believed him. I sighed and nodded.

“Let’s go be the fucking heroes, I guess.”

-o-o-o-o-

Axel and I stood parallel, palm-to-palm, fingers laced. Around us, everyone stood awkwardly close. Every single teammate had one hand on me, one hand on Axel. I closed my eyes and took careful, metered breaths. I pretended that Naminé was nearby-- which, I guess, she always was.

I felt the liquid power creep out of my heart and slowly form a blanket around those that touched me. Feel their hearts, Axel had taught me. Keep them close. Protect them. Unlike combat and swordsmanship, worrying about someone’s heart came pretty naturally to me.

Axel’s fingers squeezed mine tighter and although my eyes were still shut, I could  _ feel _ as he tore through the universe and ripped open a gaping portal into the Darkness. The portal grew larger and larger until it swallowed all eight of us. The pressure of the Darkness around us felt like ocean winds a hundred miles per hour strong. I could hear my comrades screaming as it pressed hard on their insides, twisted their psyches, but for me it was just a familiar rush. Like taking your feet off the pedals and letting your bicycle roll down a hill.

Around me, I sensed panic, but in my heart I felt calm, and there was something truly empowering about that moment. It gave me the strength to hold tight, to guard the hearts through the Darkness. Axel navigated those mysterious pathways like a rudder and I held strong and steady as a keel.

At last the Darkness disappeared and I felt cool, real-world air against my face. The surreal floating sensation abruptly vanished, and I felt the weight of my body falling through the air. I hit a surface of cold water with a scream and a splash.

Regathering my senses, I instinctively swam to the surface. Around me, other heads emerged out of the rushing water, gasping for breath. I rubbed my eyes and soaked in our surroundings as I bobbed in the water. We were near the bank of a babbling river, in the middle of a forest. The air was crisper and the temperature cooler than the sweltering heat of Mesoamerica. Stoic sycamores towered around us. 

I saw Aladdin cradling the frail body of Mulan and immediately swam to them, helping him ease her to the muddy river banks. A few feet behind me I heard Launchpad chuckle lightheartedly.

“My kind of landing,” he remarked.

We assembled ourselves, dripping wet, on the riverbank. Riku stood point and peered through the dense forest, listening and watching.

“So where are we?” he asked Axel.

Axel shrugged. “Strangers call it the New World,” he said dryly. “But it’s an old world to anyone who really calls it home.”

Riku sighed. “Well, that’s sufficiently unhelpful. What are we looking for exactly?”

“A tree.” Axel paused, looking back and forth at the vast forest around us. “Okay, well, a talking tree. Look, we’re gonna need a boat.”

There was a pause as everyone looked around, exasperated. Mulan was basically dying, and we were supposed to find a specific tree in an environment where there was pretty much nothing but trees. 

“Alright then,” Riku said, nodding in a way that was both condescending and encouraging at the same time. He unsheathed his Keyblade and pointed it toward the nearest sycamore. “I guess we’ll build a boat then. How’s that guy look? That’s not  _ the  _ tree that’s going to fix everything, right?”

-o-o-o-o-

There was a distinct but calming quiet as we felled the tree, carved its innards, and gradually formed the piece of wood into a design Axel insisted was called a “canoe.” It was sort of therapeutic. It reminded me of the gentle projects of my island youth, building rafts and stringing shell necklaces. I also found that, missing an entire night’s sleep, I now felt pleasantly delirious. I found myself humming “Row, Row, Your Boat,” and thinking that maybe real life was just a dream.

It might have taken hours, were we not aided by magic and Keyblades. Within the hour we’d built two suitable canoes, but even an hour seemed too long for Mulan’s weakening figure to wait. I sat in one canoe with Mulan lying across my lap. I shuddered as I held her cold face in my warm hands. I whispered a steady stream of healing spells around her, straining from the focus, though it was just enough to keep her health up. Riku and Aladdin rowed our canoe, while Axel and Launchpad rowed the canoe that carried Simba and Lulu. 

We navigated the gentle waters of the river until we found ourselves in a shallow, marshy area. Our paddles could soon touch the ground, and willows sprouted out of the water around us. 

“She’s close,” Axel said, as the trees around us became so thick that the light was dimming. Riku and I exchanged a look, wondering what “she” would possibly be doing out here in the middle of the marsh. We were even more surprised when he raised his hand a few moments later, signaling our paddles to stop. He pointed at a small outcropping of soil that rose above the marsh, the center of which was dominated by an enormous willow. Its ancient, gnarled roots wove in and out of the waterlogged soil and its branches reached high into the air, creating a giant tent of green, weeping leaves.

Axel climbed out of the canoe and waded to the small piece of shore. He knelt before the willow and waited.

I audibly gasped when the bark of the tree trunk cracked open to reveal a carved wooden face. Black hollow openings ringed in tree bark squinted like eyes at Axel, and the chiseled mouth beneath them curled into a half-smile.

“The Heart Stealer,” spoke the tree, in the gentle rasp of an elderly woman. “You return to my forest? And with no heart of your own yet, I see... stolen so many and still you are without.” The tree woman chuckled. “There’s a lesson in that I see, yes.”

“Grandmother Willow,” he responded. His tone of reverence seemed uncharacteristic. “I came looking for the Powhatans. I have a friend who is badly injured, and I hoped that Kekata would know how to heal her.”

The tree face frowned. “Kekata? He died many moons ago, as did Chief Powhatan. Our own Pocahontas has sailed away across the ocean. Many of the Algonquians have moved on, or died of sickness or in battle. The white men claim the forest as their own. Most of the children of the Great Spirit have been driven away. We, the forest, weep for them.”

Axel scoffed. “I would’ve thought the white men would be scared off, after what the Organization did in Roanoke...”

“More and more of them come all the time, Heart Stealer. They rape the earth, overtaking and overfarming giant stretches of fertile land with the brown tobacco that feeds no one. They let their own people starve and die of exhaustion, but still more come from across the ocean, and still more they take. Their greed has driven the Great Spirit’s children into hiding.”

“So there’s no one left?” It was hard to tell without seeing his face, but Axel sounded genuinely sad.

Grandmother Willow paused for a long moment, as if she were contemplating. “Kekata had a son, Achak, to whom he passed down his knowledge of healing. Achak and the remaining tribesmen live deep in the marsh. They live on undesirable land, land that the white man cannot yet tame and so he has not yet taken it from them. I could send you to them, but can you be trusted?”

“I desire nothing for myself,” Axel answered honestly. “But I still wouldn’t ask you to trust me. Trust them, though. They have pure hearts, and they just want to save their friend.”

He gestured towards us, watching from the canoes. Mulan’s ragged breathing and the lapping water were the only sound. The willow relaxed her wooden brow and smiled, and I felt her black eyes looking right into me.

“Very well, Heart Stealer. I will tell you how to find Achak. Come closer.”

Axel bent beside the willow as she whispered the directions and swiftly, our canoes had pushed off once again, heading deeper into the marsh. The light grew even dimmer as the trees thickened and the water grew shallow. Soon we had to dock. Riku and Aladdin carried Mulan, while I summoned a mild Gravity spell to cushion her frail body, and Axel led us deep into the swampy wood. I could feel the magic emanating from me diminishing rapidly as I ran out of strength. Mulan’s body began to sink. She grew heavy. I grew dizzy.  _ We’re not going to make it _ , I thought, and I meant it for both of us.

At last we came upon a small collection of mud and thatch huts. There were no people around, as far as I could see, yet I got the strange sensation that we were being watched.

“There,” Riku whispered. Or maybe he wasn’t whispering; maybe I was just growing so weak from casting spells that his voice sounded far away. “They’re in the trees. They’re armed.”

“Achak!” Axel called boldly, lifting his arms in a gesture of vulnerability. “My name is Axel, I knew your father. We’ve come to you to ask a favor. Our friend is dying and she needs your help.”

_ Hurry, hurry, hurry _ , was all I could think. I twisted my fingers through Mulan’s hair, sweating as I filled her heart with what little Healing I could muster. But then it happened, very quickly. My knees buckled under me and I fell to the ground, losing consciousness just as the weight of Mulan’s body crumbled on top of mine.


	18. a calling

I was deep in my dreams. So deep I almost had no memory of who or where I really was; it felt as though I had always lived in my dreams. Gran was chasing me, and so I hid from her in every place I could think of. I hid in the Darkness, in the Betwixt and Between, in Twilight Town, in the frightening bowels of Hollow Bastion. I hid in every memory I had, afraid of returning to memories of my childhood. Leon was right. I had repressed them for a reason. There was a reason I wanted to forget my grandmother trying to burn me alive.

In dreamworld, a portal opened, and a familiar gloved hand reached out. I didn’t want to take his hand. I was as afraid of him in dreams as I had been the day he appeared on my beach. But Gran was edging closer, hissing like a witch from a fairy tale, “Solare, solaaaaaree...”

I grabbed Axel’s hand and went into his portal. I had expected pure Darkness, but instead found myself surrounded by color. We stood together on an enchanted glass mosaic, glittering in its multicolor glory.

“The Station of Calling,” he explained, still holding my hand. “She can’t get you here. Although, I don’t know why you’re so afraid of a little old lady. She could tell you everything you want to know about your life as little baby Princess Kairi. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

I eyed him skeptically. For some reason I clutched his hand tighter. “I’m not so sure anymore.” I moved into him and laid my head against his chest. He was warm, and his chest rose and fell with his breathing, but there was no heartbeat. I buried my face in his black robes. “I don’t know what I want any more...”

I felt Axel pull me deeper into his embrace, and a shiver of pleasure ran through me. He ran his fingers through my hair and we stood wrapped together in this iridescent place, and I felt at peace, like I had found something I didn't know I was looking for.

I came to the next instant, lying on the ground, staring up at the ceiling of a thatch hut. Reality felt strange and jarring. Lulu was dabbing my forehead with a wet cloth while Riku stood over me, finishing off a Cure spell.

I stirred and sat up. “How long have I been out?” I asked.

Lulu chuckled. “About twenty minutes,” she said with a click of her tongue. “Don’t worry, you haven’t missed anything.”

Twenty minutes? It felt like I’d been dreaming forever... and then I blushed, remembering the unexpected direction in which my dream had ended. “Well... but... where’s Mulan?” I looked around in a panic.

Riku put a comforting hand on my shoulder. “She’s with Achak and Axel. We don’t know anything yet, but...”

“Where are they? I could help!” I tried standing, but even without Riku pressing me down, my legs didn’t quite have the strength.

“Help?” Lulu queried with a hitched eyebrow. “You just knocked yourself out with a common Cura spell.”

I felt my body shake in Riku’s arms, not just from weakness but from anger. “I got us here, didn’t I?” I spat, looking into Lulu’s stoic eyes. Her holier-than-thou attitude had worn away at my last nerve. “I got us through the Darkness and brought us here, and if that wasn’t enough to help Mulan...” I choked and heaved for a moment, disoriented and emotional. I laid back down on the ground, and rolled onto my side, away from Lulu’s eyes. Why was I so defensive?

Riku pushed his fingers through my sweaty hair, and I closed my eyes as he spoke. “Hey, calm down, Kiks, calm down. Axel and Achak are doing everything they can for Mulan. And you did everything you could, too. Don’t get worked up. When’s the last time you slept longer than twenty minutes, eh? Maybe you should just get some rest.”

I nodded, eyes still shut, but I knew that sleep was impossible. Instead I just laid there, steadying my breathing, feigning sleep, so that at the very least I could be alone with my thoughts. 

“You really could be nicer,” I heard Riku say to Lulu. He clearly thought I was sleeping. “Can’t you see she’s trying?”

“I don’t mean to be cruel,” Lulu responded simply. “I’m sure she’s a wonderful girl. But I won’t sugarcoat things for her. It’s not going to help her in the end. She shouldn’t even be here. This kind of mission is too dangerous for someone as inexperienced as her.”

I heard Riku’s lungs tighten as he spoke. “We were all inexperienced once. Look what Sora’s turned out to be.”

“I suppose power can come in strange places...”

I wanted to hear more, but their voices faded as they exited the hut. I was left alone, seething. It’s an awful thing to suspect that you aren’t good enough, and that no one believed in you. It was even worse to hear it out loud.

As I lay with my hands against the gritty earth, I tried to understand why my strength had failed me. How was I so strong with Axel guiding me, yet so weak on my own? Eyes still shut, face still on the ground, I began razing my fingers in the dirt beside my pallet. I let the texture soothe my finger tips.  _ I will not lie down _ , I decided.

I concentrated on my weak legs, my tired lungs. I called forth the warm feeling inside me that I had come to know as magic. I felt a green energy rise from the dirt through my hands, and pump through my veins. Not a common Cura, but Curaga, was bursting from my fingertips, reviving me.

I sat up, suddenly more awake than I’d ever been, even though in the back of my mind I kept a solemn count of the mere hours of sleep I’d scavenged over the past several days. I brushed the dirt from my pink skirt and marched out of the hut, looking around and taking in my surroundings.

The huts were all made of mud and blended in easily with the swampy surroundings. It was obvious these people’s survival depended on stealth; on hiding from these “white men” that Grandmother Willow warned of.

I walked as if I knew the layout of the village, directly to the hut where I knew I would find Axel. It occurred to me that that was a kind of magic as well; peering through the layers of reality, as Axel had explained, to know things you didn’t already know. Even without a heart to trace, the magic led me to Axel.

In the healer’s hut, he and Achak stood over a stone and thatch-covered bed. Mulan was sleeping. I opened my mouth to say something, but before I could utter a word, Axel had moved toward me and wrapped his arms around me. I was suddenly living the strange dream from which I had just woken. So intimate, as if he were a real person, as if we were real friends.

I pulled away from him quickly, blushing. His face remained unfazed, but I could see in his eyes he regretted hugging me. It was too human.

“She’ll live,” he said simply, casual as ever. He avoided my eyes. “You did it.”

I shifted my weight from foot to foot, uncomfortably. “We did it,” I corrected. And then, I looked into the warm brown eyes of the tall man that stood beside Axel. “You did it, I mean. We can’t thank you enough.”

Achak nodded warmly at me, placing his tender healer’s hand on my shoulder. “This woman is a great warrior,” he stated plainly. “The Great Spirit smiles on those with brave hearts.”

Instinctively, I bowed slightly toward him, and then stepped forward to be closer to Mulan. The color had returned to her face. I placed my hand on her cheek.

“She needs to sleep,” Axel said. I quickly retreated my hand. “And we need to eat. Achak says we can join the tribe for dinner tonight.”

“Thank you,” I said to Achak, and to my surprise, I realized Axel had extended his hand to me, in an eerie recreation of our first encounter. An echo of my dream. I saw flashes of sand and ocean as the familiar gesture resonated deep within me.

“Come on,” he said, hand still outstretched. “We should leave Mulan to rest. Achak will care for her.”

It was the most unnatural action I could fathom, but I found myself nodding as I placed my hand in his, and he led me away from the hut.

-o-o-o-o-o-

We ate a warm and satisfying meal with Achak and his small tribe. Mulan was awake and sitting with everyone, though she ate slowly and spoke little. After the food there was even some singing, and slowly everyone made their way to their beds. Achak explained that they always kept men on watch for intruders, and Axel readily volunteered to take first watch for the evening.

I joined him by the fire without saying a word.

“You’re not even going to try to sleep tonight?” he asked without looking at me.

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to,” I said flatly, watching the flames in front of us. “I can’t even keep my eyes closed for more than a few seconds. I’m just... I dunno. My mind is too full to sleep.”

Axel shrugged. “Well let’s see if we can empty it then, shall we? Tell me all about it.”

I scrunched my face. “Um, I’m sorry, why do you suddenly care? What’s happening here anyway?” I gestured between us. “Are we friends now?”

Axel smiled, and it lifted my weariness somehow. “Can’t be friends with Nobody,” he observed. Then shrugged. “But I mean, you can’t NOT be friends with Nobody. And we’ve established I have literally nothing to do at night, so why not lay it on me? Pretend I’m one of your dollies from when you were a little girl. I give the same amount of fucks, but I’m probably a little prettier.”

I laughed, and then I paused, because I was so surprised that he could make me laugh. I watched his face carefully. “Axel, who were you before you were a Nobody?”

“Stand-up comedian slash supermodel, obviously.”

“Uh-huh.” I grabbed a stick from the ground and stoked the embers. I let the quiet lay thick on top of us. Despite my racing thoughts, I couldn’t think of where to begin. I didn’t know what was keeping me from sleeping. As I considered, a strong wind blew over us, and I shivered.

“A bit colder here than Mesoamerica,” I mused, wrapping my arms around myself. “At least at night.”

Axel rolled his eyes and surprised me by removing his signature black cloak. He held it out to me, and it took an entire half a minute before I realized he was offering it. I nodded a meek thank you before I wrapped it around myself. It smelled like cedar and smoke.

“I had this dream,” I began telling him, with a long exhale. “Only it’s not really a dream, because I wasn’t sleeping the first time it happened. A vision, I guess. I think it’s a memory. I’m a little girl again, and my Grandma takes me into the woods and tries to make me walk into a fire.”

Axel nodded, untouched by this disturbing image. “You’re a magical being; visions are common for people like you. You aren’t limited to the linear reality of non-witches.” He cleared his throat and added, a little more empathetically, “I guess I can see how that might keep someone awake.”

_ So he knows _ , I realized.  _ He knew before I did that I was a witch. _

I tried not to dwell on it. I continued, “But even before then, I’d been having trouble sleeping. It started just before we got the King’s letter... just before all of this began. It’s like my heart knew something was coming.”

Axel considered this for a moment. He crossed his legs as he leaned back, weight resting on his forearms. “When the next man comes to take over watch, I may have a solution for you and this vision of yours.”

“Should I be scared?”

“Nah, just trust me.”

“Trust  _ you _ ? Remember that time you told me you wanted to be friends, and then tied me up in a treehouse?”

“Right, that was a bad time to trust me. This will be different.”

“Uh-huh.”


	19. once upon a time

When the next watch took their post, Axel led me through the village to the water’s edge and we crawled back into the canoe.

Axel rowed, and I gazed at the water treading behind us from the back of the canoe. I couldn’t believe how different I suddenly felt; a few hours ago, I had been fighting and clinging for Mulan’s life, anxious and afraid. At that moment, gazing into the moonlit marsh, I felt oddly peaceful. There was something special about this place.

“Why did you ever come here?” I asked him suddenly. “How did you know this is exactly where we should come to help Mulan?”

Axel sighed with the next heave of his shoulders to lift the oar. “I could tell you, but I’m not really a great storyteller - it would be easier to just show you.”

I wrinkled my nose in suspicion. “Show me?”

He chuckled. “Magic, Kairi. Get used to it.”

Before I could snipe back a retort, he released one hand from clutching the oar and placed it on top of mine. His mind, his memories, became my own as naturally as blinking. 

On official Organization XIII business, Axel had come to this world to scout it for a potential source of Heartless. It seemed like an easy target, a pastoral place without obvious sorcery or advanced weaponry - not much to offer in quantity, but the quality of hearts present was substantial.

I watched him and felt it all as though I was him, failing utterly to subdue the Powhatan people, and being made their prisoner. Like a fool, he underestimated them. The local healer, Achak’s father Kekata, indeed was familiar with some of the elemental magic, at least enough to put a bind on Axel’s magic. No portals, no fire; he was as helpless as a human.

The Algonquians didn’t mistreat him or leave him to rot, however. They put him to work. He helped the women in the cornfields, tended to the younglings at play, and cared for men wounded in the hunt or in battle. When news of the outsiders, the white men in huge boats, poured in from neighboring tribes along the coast, they brought Axel to meet Grandmother Willow, to see if she could get information from him about the white men. They learned to their dismay that Axel was a different kind of outsider altogether; he had no insight into the white men’s intentions.

“I can make a fair guess,” Axel told them all with a cavalier shrug. “They’re probably here to do what anyone goes to new worlds to do-- to take what isn’t theirs.”

They were his memories, colored by his feelings, and I knew he wasn’t just being callous. Living with them, working with them, he had grown an attachment to Powhatan and his people. He felt a kind of humanity with them; even as a prisoner, living among them had been the closest thing to real life he’d ever known in his brief existence as a Nobody. He cared for them; he wanted to help them.

He negotiated an odd arrangement with the elders; a way that he could accomplish what the Organization had sent him to do and potentially help the Powhatans in the process. They had confirmed rumors of a white settlement in a place they called Roanoke-- Axel proposed that if he was allowed to leave, he would return with Organization members to wipe out the Roanoke settlement by robbing its inhabitants of their hearts. That, Axel assured them, would make these white invaders think twice before returning.

I was still processing these events, and the wildly complicated magic that allowed Axel to so easily put his own memories into my own, when the edge of the canoe bumped the earthy edges of Grandmother Willow’s perch.

“We good?” asked Axel, watching my face with a kind of amused smile. “You know from my memories that G-Willow has a way of getting the truth out of people… sometimes pulling out truths buried so deep people don’t know it themselves. So I figure… let’s tell her about this vision of yours.”

Reeling, I nodded slowly and let Axel help me out of the canoe and onto dry land. I watched the camouflaged bark features of Grandmother Willow’s face come to life as she yawned and fluttered her eyes open. Had she been sleeping? I wondered. What do trees dream about?

“Back so soon, Heart Stealer?” croaked the willow. “And with a lovely companion.”

She inspected me thoughtfully while Axel explained that I needed a dream interpretation, and gently prompted me to tell her as many details as I could remember. She listened intently as I explained being carried into the woods by my Grandmother, and the boy who watched.

“In this vision,” she asked. “Do you ever burn?”

I shook my head. “I never walk into the fire. I hear the boy scream, and then it ends.”

“And the boy-- do you see his face?”

“No… he’s standing just outside of my field of vision.”

“Hmmm. The heart is powerful, and has its own language. It speaks to us in strange ways. Is the boy truly out of sight, or is your heart afraid of who it might be? Is the fire really going to hurt you, or are you merely afraid to see what lies beyond it?”

“So to make sense of the dream... I need to finish it? If I finish the dream, will I know more about my past?” I explained to her more details about my childhood, the chilling context necessary for her to really understand the implications of the dream.

Grandmother Willow murmured some things to herself, then asked slowly, “Why are you so certain this vision is about the past?”

I scratched my neck. “Because I’m a little girl in the dream. I’m the exact age I was when I was sent to Destiny Islands. I think this dream has something to do with what happened to my family.”

“This could be. But maybe what lies beyond the fire is not your history at all. Maybe the fire is your future, and that is why it stands in your way. Your dreams seem to be showing you the past, yes, but perhaps they are not showing you all of the past. Let me tell you a story.”

“A story?” I eyed the mystic creature suspiciously. I was sleepless and desperate, and I had come for wisdom, not more riddles.

“Stories help children learn the ways of the world. Perhaps this one will help you.”

I sighed. “Yeah, I know… I have a school project about it that I never finished. Does it start with, ‘once upon a time?”

Grandmother Willow chuckled. “As you like. Once upon a time, in a quiet kingdom, there were two children who had extraordinary powers. One, the princess Kairi, was the daughter of a witch and a warrior, and it was prophesied that she would be the greatest ruler the world had ever known. She was betrothed to her childhood playmate, Cale, the son of a powerful family. Princess Kairi dreamed of the day when she would be a woman, marry her sweet Cale, and become queen. But an evil sorcerer had plans to take the kingdom for himself. He had the Princess’s mother and father killed, and would have done the same to the Princess. Sweet Cale called upon her Fairy Godmother, who cast a spell to hide the princess in a far away place. Cale remained and battled the evil man, and then went to rescue the princess. They returned to the kingdom to marry and rule, and lived happily ever after.”

I sunk to the damp ground, my legs crossed. “Scrooge told me that my parents were killed by Ansem, and that I was supposed to marry a boy named Cale. But I don’t understand. Is the story supposed to be about me? How could you know this? How can there be an end to the story when I’m still in the middle of my own story?”

“Stories are not the same as truth. Stories carry across time and Worlds, but they get twisted and changed. All that remains is the heart of the story. It gives us comfort, as we find our own way to the truth.”

I sighed. Speaking to her reminded me of speaking to Yen Sid. They both seemed to know more than they were letting on, but insisted on speaking in mysteries. “All that happens to the Princess in that story is that she hides and then gets rescued and gets married. How is that supposed to help me?”

“Focus on what’s missing,” Axel interjected. Grandmother Willow smiled at him approvingly. “Fill in the blanks.”

“Well, I mean... where’s the Princess for the whole story? If it’s really me, I was in Destiny Islands...” A crushing realization landed on my chest. “Hiding. I was hiding from Ansem there, that’s why they sent me away. I really was waiting to be rescued all along. When Ansem came to the Islands, I snuck out through the door, into Darkness. And it was Sora who rescued me... but he only brought me back to the Islands. He brought me back while he went to the Castle that Never Was, and I was just waiting again.”

I turned my head slowly, watching Axel as he stood a few feet away, partly in darkness, partly illuminated by the wide pale moon. 

_ Maybe waiting’s not good enough, _ I had said. And then he appeared and spoke.

_ My thoughts exactly. Act, don’t wait. _

And then I understood.


	20. he is not me

I pointed an accusing finger at Axel.

“ _ HE _ came to rescue me?  _ HE’S  _ supposed to be my knight in shining armor?” I growled incredulously at Grandmother Willow. She simply smiled, as all the rest of the answers became painfully and suddenly clear. I turned my growls toward him. “The little boy Scrooge was talking about was  _ you _ . That’s who you  _ really _ were before you lost your heart. That’s how you know so much about solare and magic and Namine’s past. You were Cale. You grew up with me. You know... you know  _ everything _ about me that I don’t even know, that I’ve been  _ wanting  _ to know, and you’ve just been... ugh... You bring me to this tree for answers, like you’re doing me some big favor, when you have all the answers already! Is this entertaining for you or something? You still really like messing with me, don’t you? I knew it, I knew from the first time I saw you that you were a total creep. I can’t believe I trusted you.”

I found myself pacing as a litany of enraged realizations poured out of my mouth. I was yelling, I realized, into the vast dark night. Grandmother Willow watched with subdued eyes. Axel stood stone-faced with his arms folded, taking all of my screams in stride.

He just shrugged. “I told you I was a friend.”

Everything, every exhausted feeling in my heart, came hurtling down on me. Weakly, I fell to my knees, and I just screamed. I shrieked until my throat was raw. My screams echoed in the endless starry sky. I raked my fingers through the wet dirt, frustrated and confused and tired.

The Grandmother tree and Axel said nothing. They let me scream. I don’t know when I stopped, but I know that eventually I realized it was quiet again, and Axel’s cloak had somehow been draped over me again. There was a purple haze gathering around us as the sun steadily rose. 

I looked up finally and found Axel’s calm eyes waiting for mine. “Let’s go back to the village,” he said. “Let’s get you something to eat, and we can really get into this thing, if you want to.”

There was part of me that wanted to sling something sassy and indignant at him, but my throat was raw and my mind was blank. I muttered some sort of goodbye to Grandmother Willow and half-listened to her response. Axel ushered me into the canoe and we rowed back to the village, arriving just as the sun had risen and the rest of our troupe was assembled around the remains of last night’s fire.

Riku gave me a less than subtle look as Axel and I returned, but I ignored him. Axel and I stepped into their circle as if we’d been expecting this gathering. As if we’d slept all night and were prepared for a new day, like all the others.

They were discussing our next move.

“We could go back to Mesoamerica,” suggested Launchpad. “Maybe give repairing the ship another shot.”

“Too risky,” Riku decided. “Even with the Keyhole sealed, that place is crawling with Heartless. I say we return to the Coliseum. Mulan can recover there and we can get in touch with the King through Phil. He may have made contact with the others.”

“All of this is assuming, of course, that we can leave this World the same way we came to it,” Lulu cautioned, glancing at me with her dark eyes. Sleepily, I glared at her. I was tired of being doubted.

“That won’t be a problem,” Axel interjected. I could feel him shift his body slightly, forming a subtle barrier between Lulu and I. “I can create a portal to wherever you want to go. Kairi can help me build the shield to see everyone through. No problem.”

Lulu’s eyes squinted at me. “I just think it’s a little risky. Kairi, you’re not well, anyone can see that. Perhaps Axel should go alone, to find the King, and rendezvous back with us.”

“Not well?” I seethed. I was furious and insulted, even though I knew she had to be right. I hadn’t slept properly in days. Less than twenty minutes ago, I had been kneeling and screaming in the dirt. But I felt indignant all the same. “That’s it. I’ve had it. What is your problem with me, anyway? You’ve done nothing but sneer at me from the moment you laid eyes on me, and I’m sick of it. Who gives you the right to judge me?”

“Hey, princess, cool it,” Axel began, before I turned my anger on him.

“And YOU are the last person I need trying to defend me, okay? Everyone just, just back the hell off! I can do this, I can...” I paused a moment to breathe. “I can do this.”

Lulu spoke softly. “Perhaps you can. But not in this state you can’t.”

Whatever came over me next could only be described as blind, sleep-deprived delirium. I leapt right at Lulu, fists swinging. I felt my knuckles make contact with her face. My hand throbbed but I kept swinging, until I felt powerful arms yank me away from her. I was carried, still kicking and spitting, several hundred feet away. Deep into the woods. The voices of the others grew distant.

It was Axel carrying me, I eventually realized, once we were well away from the others. I didn’t find that comforting. Under cover of the sycamore canopy, we came upon a still, shimmering pond. 

“Let GO of me,” I barked, and Axel surprisingly obeyed. He lifted me high into the air, and tossed me into the water.

I felt a bizarre mix of shock and calm as my body submerged into the cold pond. There was a pleasant kind of silence that filled my ears. Underwater, everything felt a million miles away. I could almost pretend I was a child again, swimming in the ocean of my calm islands.

I gasped for air as my head sprung to the surface. My feet found the bottom of the pond as I regained control of myself. My chest heaved up and down with grateful breaths. I turned to Axel, who had waded casually into the water to meet me. His gloves had been removed, and he placed his bare wet hands on my shoulders.

“Better?” he asked, looking into my eyes.

“Shut up,” I spat, looking away.

“You need to sleep, Kairi. You’re not yourself.”

“I really doubt that you would know.”

“I would. I’m not proud or happy to say it, but I would. I can’t help who I am, but I do know you.” 

We stared into each other’s eyes. My panting slowed, until finally I felt my anger dissolve with a sigh. I looked deeply at him, wondering how many secrets of mine he kept. “You should have told me,” I whispered. “Who can hide something so massive?” I found my fingers grazing his cheek, touching the stubble and wet flesh stretched over his jaw. Underwater, the weight of my body drifted towards his. Like somehow proximity would unlock the things inside him.

He moved his hands from my shoulders to my face, cupping them around my head. “I’m going to help you sleep, whether you like it or not.”

Before I could say anything, I could feel something happening to me. Despite the chill of the water there was a warmth that started in my cheeks and trickled all the way down to my toes. Despite the quiet of the wilderness, I could hear the softest music in the back of my mind. Like someone singing.  _ The Lullaby of Souls. _

The world around me disappeared and I could see only a well-groomed, beautiful garden. An old woman strummed a mandolin, singing words in another language. A gentle stream passed through the garden. Amidst the trees and flowers, a man and a woman walked, holding hands with a little girl between them. They lifted her up off the ground and she giggled, kicking her feet and squealing with delight. It was the most peaceful thing I could ever remember feeling.

“That’s you,” I heard Axel’s distant voice saying. “That’s your home. Got it memorized?”

The warmth inside me tingled, and as the old woman’s song continued, I found myself drifting at long last into a deep, tranquil sleep.

-o-o-o-o-o-

I awoke on a warm pallet, and the ceiling above me told me I was in one of the Powhatan’s huts. Axel stood in the corner, arms folded, waiting.

“Feels good, right?” he said.

I sat up, pulling the blankets tight to my chin. I blinked groggily. “How long was I out?” I asked.

He smiled. “All day. We’ll be spending another night here, looks like.”

I bit my lip. Remembering everything, from Grandmother Willow’s story to my violent attack on Lulu, was painful and surreal. I felt much calmer, much clearer, after I had properly slept. What was confusion before was now only clear and burning curiosity.

“Tell me everything,” I said quietly. “Tell me everything you know about who I am.”

Axel nodded. He took a seat on the ground beside my pallet, sitting cross-legged. He ran an ungloved hand through his red mane as he chose his words. “You have to understand that I’m not him. Despite your know-it-all sass, I don’t know how much you really understand about Nobodies. We are born from the shells of those whose hearts are stolen, those who become Heartless. Years ago in Radiant Gardens, there was a boy named Cale. I-- He was a few years older than you. His father was a knight in the Holy Order, and when you were born he was five.”

He held up his hand, as if he had read my mind.

“I know, princess, I know. I promise the story gets to you eventually. I’m telling you all this to make sure you understand that all I know about you is from Cale’s memories. I carry them with me as if they were mine, but... they’re not. There’s a kind of distance, you see. Because  _ he _ is definitely not  _ me _ . But anyway, you were born and a match was made. Cale was chosen to marry the heir to the Radiant Gardens throne. Because of this, his family lived at court and stayed in the castle so that the two of you would be friends from a very young age. That’s why I could show you that memory of you with your parents, when you were a toddler. He was there.”

“How?” I asked quickly. “How could you show me the memory?” I felt a whimper creep up in my voice. “Why didn’t you show me sooner?”

“I’m magical,” he answered bluntly. “Our people, well,  _ your _ people are born with very strong magical abilities. You should have realized this when you met Naminé. It’s why we called her the  _ little witch _ . Her power was so strong that she could erase all memories of an entire person. She has those powers because she was born from you, and I have my powers because I was born from Cale. The people in Radiant Garden who had these abilities were not exactly the majority of the population, and so people came to call these special people witches.”

I had suspected, but now I knew for sure. I was one of the witches Scrooge had told me about. The downfall of the witches was the downfall of my family, my life.

Axel went on. “So you were a witch, and you were groomed from a young age to be queen. Your grandmother was a powerful woman in the Circle of Witches and she was your mentor. She tried teaching you the basics of magic, but you were, unsurprisingly, a little stubborn. Cale was older, and far more disciplined, so he spent a lot of lessons with you to help you out. But eventually, people started turning into Heartless, and that’s when the witch hunt began.

“You have to understand that, politically, Xehanort was an incredibly influential person. He took Ansem’s name and confused everyone’s memories to solidify his position. So while his experiments were going horribly wrong and he was losing his own heart, he was able to spread these rumors that it was the witches causing all these problems. Your family, the royal family, was forced into hiding. Your parents left you and your grandmother to live with Cid, a local handyman. Cale was sent there, too, for safekeeping while his parents continued to advocate for the witches at court. Gran stayed loyal to her ways, and continued teaching you and Cale the practice of magic. She took care of you, but things in Radiant Garden just kept deteriorating. Ansem was enveloped completely by the Darkness, and once he was a Heartless he no longer cared about the charade of blaming witches. The name of the witches was cleared, and they were able to mount an official retaliation on Ansem. Gran called upon an ancient and dangerous magic to send you to another world, to keep you safe. Cale was only twelve, but he stayed to fight with the other witches.”

Axel spoke with the detached tone of a recording. An encyclopedia, spouting off the facts as they were, more or less. I should have expected as much, if Axel really was what they said he was. He was not human. He could not know or articulate the human sorrow that weighed his story down. And yet, his eyes said something different. In their green twinkle I saw the man beneath it all; I saw Cale, a twelve year old boy, staying and fighting for his entire adolescence and being forever shaped by the ravages of war. I had seen war, and I was able to feel its weight. Whatever Axel was, he knew Cale’s memories. He knew what that poor boy had been through, had fought for.

“Is this why Naminé saved you?” I asked quietly. “Because she knew what you knew about me?”

Axel sighed and closed his eyes. “Naminé was so different from the rest of us. She couldn’t remember who she came from. I think that’s what made her so capable of empathy. Of hopefulness. She wasn’t haunted by the memories of someone she wasn’t, she only had a blank slate with which to imagine who she might want to be. But as we got to know each other, she realized I was connected to you. I was the only thing she had to help reveal you to her. She made me promise a long time ago that I would give you back your memories. That I would help bring you home.”

My heart and brain palpated with a strange sensation.  _ You were never home _ , I heard him say, so long ago now. My voice trembled. “So that’s what this is? That’s why you’re here? To take me home?” Images of Leon in the garden, asking me to be queen, pressed sharply in my mind. 

Axel shrugged. “I made Naminé a promise. I’m doing what I can to keep it. I’m not trying to pretend like I know where all of this is going. I just know I have to help you where I can. I can teach you how to do the things you were born to do.”

I nodded thoughtfully, and let my mind drift away for a moment. Months of emptiness in my heart were suddenly filled. For the first time in forever, I had an idea of who I was, and it wasn’t the goody-goody all star mayor’s daughter of Destiny Islands. I felt the weight of obligation, to find out who I really was, to live up to the name my parents had died for. I looked at Axel.

“Okay,” I said. My throat was still sore from screaming at Grandmother Willow’s. “Okay. I mean, it’s a lot to soak in, really, but okay. We have to move forward, and you and I... for whatever reason, you and I have the abilities to get everyone out of here and get back with the rest of the King’s Thirteen.”

“You’re ready?” Axel asked.

I nodded, and I was a few seconds’ movement away from realizing that underneath the blanket, I was only wearing underwear. My cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment. “Um, I  _ am _ ready, except... where are my clothes?”

Axel smirked. “Well, you were all wet, so we had to take your clothes off.” My eyes squinted with rage and he laughed. “I mean, some of the Powhatan women took your clothes off. It was utterly modest and dignified, I promise.”

“Ugh,” I groaned. “Well as soon as I find my clothes... then, I am definitely ready to save the day. Promise.”


	21. riku's revelations

Axel and I carried everyone through a Dark portal once again, this time to the familiar comforts of the Coliseum. It was strange how excited I was to sleep that night in my old quarters. Even with Lulu as a roommate, after our recent and terrible  _ conflict _ , I couldn’t help but feel like I was home. It was no Destiny Islands, but it was familiar. I was able to feel once again what I’d felt before we’d left this place; like anything was possible. Back in my old training bed, I slept for hours and hours.

I awoke in the morning to the sound of Lulu’s voice.

“There’ll be food soon, if you want any,” she said gently. “Mulan is cooking breakfast.”

“Thanks,” I said, biting my lip. I worried about Mulan, back to work already, but I didn’t feel like sharing that with Lulu. She seemed to think no one was allowed to be weak. “I, um, I wanted to say I’m sorry. For, um, tackling you before.”

To my surprise, Lulu smiled. “Everyone’s allowed a meltdown or two,” she said. “Especially someone with as much on their shoulders as you.”

I scratched my head. I spoke bluntly. “I’m surprised to hear you be so understanding. You’ve been sort of... frigid to me ever since we met.”

Lulu’s eyes drifted down, exuding a sudden sadness. Almost vulnerable. “I was suspicious of you, at first.”

“Suspicious?” I eyed her incredulously. 

“Where I come from, you learn not to take things for granted. People die all the time. We are constantly at war with a beast named Sin, never truly able to rest and enjoy life. As soon I decided to become a guardian, I learned that I had to stay true to my journey no matter how difficult it became. No matter who we lost along the way. I have to be cautious with my sentiments, you see. I have to say goodbye so often.”

At my urging and confusion, Lulu explained to me the strange cycle of death that characterized her World, Spira. There was a monster named Sin that terrorized the people, and it was the job of a summoner to defeat the monster. Lulu’s job, as a guardian, was to help the summoners make their journey to battle Sin. She had already been on two pilgrimages, but both summoners had died along the way. The even more terrible thing about Sin, it turned out, was that it would always be reborn, no matter how many times it was defeated. In Spira they fought for peace, even when that peace was temporary and fragile.

“I didn’t want to trust you or get close to you because I thought you, like so many summoners and guardians I’ve seen before, were in over your head. I’ve learned to keep my distance from most people. It made me act cruelly towards you. And I’m sorry.”

Reluctantly, my demeanor softened. “It’s alright. I’ve been a little more sensitive than I should be. I’ve been overwhelmed with this feeling that I’ve got something to prove.”

She bowed her dark head to me for a moment, then whipped her braids around her shoulder as she stood up and turned toward the door. “We should see to breakfast,” she concluded simply, and I supposed that that was as much openness as I could really expect from Lulu. Steadily, I followed behind the footsteps muted by her long skirt. I was excited for breakfast. I felt hungry for the first time in a while, and skipping in Lulu’s shadow, I felt a burden lifted.

-o-o-o-o-

The next night, the calm of my deep sleep was shattered by a blood-curdling scream.

I woke up with a racing heart. I shot up from the bed, dry-mouthed and panting, frantic and confused. I knew that voice. Across the room, Lulu had also awakened. She quickly lit the lantern at her bedside, and her wide eyes met mine in the flickering light.

Simultaneously, we bolted from the room. Lulu’s lantern illuminated our path down the dark and musty hallway, to Riku’s quarters. He screamed again, and we opened the door, braced for the worst.

But it was only Riku, covered in a cold sweat, staring back at us from his tousled sheets.

“Another nightmare?” I breathed, lowering my defensive stance. I felt both a wave of relief and a tinge of guilt; I was glad that there was no real danger, but I knew Riku didn’t like to feel vulnerable.

My old friend nodded, still heaving terrified breaths. 

“Some water,” Lulu said decisively. She reached for the pitcher on his bedside table and slipped back out the door, heading towards the water pump.

Cautiously, I took a seat on the empty bed across from Riku’s, the bed that had been Sora’s when we trained together. It sort of smelled like him.

“Sorry for waking you,” Riku said quietly, after a moment.

“You couldn’t exactly help it,” I answered with a gentle grin. “Was it about Maleficent?”

A defeated and familiar haze passed over his sky-colored eyes, and I knew from all those mornings I’d seen him on Destiny Islands that the answer was yes. “She was certainly there, I suppose. She always is. But that’s not the part that makes it a nightmare; the nightmare is  _ me _ , following her blindly like a fool. Hurting people that I cared about.”

Lulu crept back through the door with a full pitcher and poured it into a cup that she handed to Riku. He gulped it greedily and put down the glass with an appreciative sigh. “Thanks, Lu,” he muttered with a softness that gave me pause. It reminded me of when he first started calling me “Kiki.” A tiny gesture of intimacy from someone who was so often guarded.

I saw their eyes meet, for just a single revealing moment, before Lulu looked away and sat beside me on the other bed. 

I watched his eyes fall, and my heart ached for him. “You can’t let the guilt crush you forever, you know.”

He nodded. “I know. The nightmares haven’t faded yet, but I’ve really come to a better place with it. I was in a terrible place when the Door opened and I gave in to Darkness. It seems so stupid now, so petty, being jealous of Sora. Over what? Girls and foot races? It’s funny how fast and easily the things you care about when you’re a little kid just disappear.”

He paused to take another gulp of water from the glass that Lulu had wordlessly refilled, then continued. He wasn’t looking at either of us while he spoke; he moved his hands around and stared into nothing, like he was talking to himself more than anyone else. 

“I’m tired of replaying it all in my mind, trying to figure out: was it the Darkness that made me turn against Sora, or was it me? But it’s futile. Whatever the circumstances, I made the wrong choice. I have to live with the nightmares. I have to accept even my biggest mistakes and my darkest qualities if I’m ever really going to move on. And sometimes I even think, I’m  _ grateful _ for everything that happened. I’m glad I was able to see my worst self so early in life. It gives me a chance to truly see the man I actually want to be. How can you ever recognize the Light if you’ve never truly seen the Darkness?”

I looked at him with wide eyes, fascinated by how easily he used the word “man.” He sounded like an actual grown up. The boy who built rafts and betrayed his best friend was a fading apparition.

I marinated in his confession. His penetrating words and the fragile honesty of that moment surfaced something within me. “I think about the Darkness a lot,” I admitted plainly. “The magic I used to bring us here, sometimes I wonder… it reminds me so much of what it’s like in that place. In… Darkness.”

“We are all sinners,” Lulu said pensively. “We all have Darkness. It is the choices we make in spite of that that makes us what we really are.”

Riku watched her, drinking her in it seemed, as he nodded in agreement.

“What do you think is next for us?” I asked to break the silence.

“I think it’s okay that we don’t know,” Lulu offered wisely. “I’ve played the ‘hurry’ game on more than one of my quests, and I haven’t found that moving faster makes for a better ending.”

“You won’t hear me argue,” Riku supplied with a tinge of anger. “It’s hard to see where this whole thing was meant to go from the start.” There was a sudden reveal of terror in his eyes. “Back in Mesoamerica, I… I was trying to maintain a strong face for the team. But when I thought we were stranded, when I thought Mulan was dying… My thoughts went to a darker place. I thought, what if this whole mission is just a distraction? What if the King is keeping his best soldiers occupied because he knows this war is going to be a slaughter?” I watched Lulu’s eyes widen as Riku spoke, as if she was seeing him for the first time. I could only hold my breath. What he suggested was too mortifying to contemplate.

“All wars are slaughter,” said Lulu. “Journeys end as they are meant to. As a guardian you have to learn to humble yourself before the larger task that is given to you, to follow destiny where it may lead.”

The word destiny gave me a slight shiver. It reminded me of Naminé and Axel and that moment that seemed to change the course of everything. Where was Axel, anyway? His usual chattiness and mirth had been conspicuously absent from our evening meal earlier that night. I shifted uncomfortably as I realized how badly I wanted to see his face.

I stood and stretched my legs, feigning a yawn before placing my hand on Riku’s shoulder. “Are you alright?” I asked. “I think I’ll head back to bed now.” Maybe taking the long way, I thought. Just  _ in case _ Axel was out and about and looking for company. Not that I was going to go looking for him. 

Riku nodded, and Lulu said softly, “I can stay awhile, if you like.”

I watched the careful control Riku had over his face, trying to conceal how pleased he was at the prospect of some quiet moments alone with her. “Sure,” he said, his voice low.

I tried to remove myself from the room as delicately as possible, a mixture of stunned and amused at the brewing energy between the two of them. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe I was imagining things. Who could have the space in their head, after all, for something like attraction when we were surrounded with so much chaos and uncertainty?

Then again, maybe that was exactly what the heart wanted in times like these.

-o-o-o-o-

Four days passed with a comforting quiet. Mulan healed, we ate, I slept. We had only just become relaxed enough to grow restless when at last, we had contact with the other half of our outfit.

It was past nightfall. We’d finished dinner but had built up the fire and sat around it, enjoying the quiet evening. Mulan was teaching Aladdin  _ xiangqi _ , Chinese chess. Launchpad was thoughtfully greasing and tinkering with some engine parts. Riku and Lulu talked softly together. I sat alone, alternating my gaze between the crackling flames and simply watching the others. Axel had not shown up for dinner again and was nowhere to be seen. He’d been keeping a low profile ever since we’d returned from the New World.

The stillness of the night was broken by the strange and sudden sound of wings flapping. As the sound got nearer and louder, we looked to the sky and realized that it was Goliath soaring overhead. I felt my heart leap at the sight of his monstrous silhouette. His glide spiraled as he moved nearer to the ground, until his clawed feet hit the earth with a  _ thud  _ and a spray of dust.

“My friends,” he growled, gazing at each of us in turn. “It is good to know that you are well.”

Unbidden, I ran to him, throwing my arms around him and burying my face in his cold chest. It was like I’d known him for years, not weeks, and that he’d been gone for months, not days. “What happened? Where are the others?” I asked. 

“The others are safe,” he explained, beginning with the most pertinent detail first. “They are waiting at Radiant Garden Castle. Getting here was a dangerous journey that I risked myself. Maleficent’s fleet has grown tremendously in the last several weeks. Travel by gummi ship has become virtually impossible. To be honest,” he gazed down at me for a moment, with a small smile. “We were very worried about what had become of you. When we couldn’t contact you through the gummi ship’s comm system... we feared the worst.”

It struck me for the first time how worried Sora must have been for me. A week had passed without any contact, and the last time we’d seen each other we’d been in the middle of a war zone. He and the others had feared the worst, but for some reason this was the first time I’d really wondered what had happened to him. I felt an enormous lump of guilt in my stomach. 

“Mulan was injured,” Riku explained. “The ship was inoperable and we had to abandon it to seek out assistance.”

At those words Goliath cocked an eyebrow, and he and Riku launched a conversation about how Axel and I were able to manipulate portals. Goliath’s eyes lit up as he took in this information, and I felt myself blush by the way he looked at me.

“This newfound ability of yours could save our mission, Kairi,” Goliath said urgently to me. “We believe that Demona has joined forces and handed over the Grimorum to Maleficent, and it is with the book’s power that she is multiplying Heartless at an even more alarming rate. We’ve received intel that Wonderland, Pride Rock, and Halloweentown have all been completely taken over by Maleficent’s forces. We must regroup and develop a plan to cut off her supply chain right at the source.”

Simba raised his head and let out a somber growl. “Pride Rock?” he asked. “Were there any survivors?”

Goliath dropped his head. “I’m afraid not,” he answered softly.

I felt my heart tremble as I watched Simba’s fallen face. I reached for him, but he very quickly galloped away into the dark corners of the Coliseum. A few minutes later, we heard an anguished roar in the distance. 

“He will need time to mourn,” Goliath said at last. “But we must rally and rejoin the others as soon as possible.”

“Tonight?” I asked with a tone of surprise that even I wasn’t expecting. “Right now?”

Goliath nodded. “The sooner the better. At sunrise I will be of far less use to you.”

It felt uncomfortably sudden. We had only just had a sense of reprieve and rest. I wasn’t ready for that feeling to end just yet. But, I supposed, that was war. There could be no rest until Maleficent was destroyed.

“I’ll go get Simba,” I offered. “Someone will need to find Axel.” Lulu nodded in acceptance of the task and took off looking, followed by Riku.

I moved in the direction Simba had left, exiting the arena into the coliseum lobby. I stood squinting in total darkness for a moment until I remembered that helpful little tool called magic. With a flourish and a single whispered word, I had filled each of the golden oil basins with with roaring fires. I bit my lip and smiled slightly. It was all coming so much easier to me now. The control, the precision.

I could see Simba in the far corner, curled up as he rested on the ground, his eyes looking skyward. Wordlessly, I dropped to the ground and sat beside him. Cross-legged, I leaned back and pressed my weight against him, staring at the sky.

“My father used to say that the stars were kings of the past, looking down at us,” Simba said, still looking at the sky and not at me.

I ran my fingers through his mane, watching his sad eyes. “I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am,” I said quietly. I tried to imagine, just for a moment, if everything I’d ever known had been taken away from me in one sudden moment. It was impossible to feel whatever Simba was feeling. The pain was too big to imagine.

“Don’t,” said Simba. “Don’t be sorry. If I think too much about it, I won’t be able to keep going. I have to believe there’s still a reason to keep fighting. Even when… even when they’re all gone.”

Gently, he nudged me off of him as he stood determinedly on all fours. He roared again into the starry night, so loudly it hurt my ears, and then he bowed his head to me. “Let’s go,” he said, and so we returned to the others. Our time of rest and Simba’s time of grieving were brought to an abrupt end.


	22. persona non grata

We emerged from the portal onto the castle terrace in Radiant Garden, where Leon and Sora stood talking and gazing out at the city. Our appearance was clearly the last thing they expected. I felt Sora’s eyes lock on mine. I watched the spectrum of emotion that crossed over them, from confusion to disbelief to excitement. I didn’t realize until he ran over me that was I still clutching Axel’s hands from the journey. Quietly, I unlocked my fingers from his and braced myself as Sora threw his arms around me.

I reveled in his warmth and in the smell of his hair, which somehow still retained that salty, beachy scent. But when we pulled apart, I glimpsed into his blue eyes and felt a strange feeling. There was something different about him. Or maybe there was something different about me that made me inexplicably feel like I was looking at his face for the first time. I bit my lip and shuddered softly in bewilderment.

I gently slithered my body away from him, away from his touch. I smiled like I had nothing to hide. Like none of my feelings were scary or unusual.

“What now?” I breathed. At first it was a quiet question just for Sora, but I blinked out of that strange moment and addressed the rest of the crew. “I mean, what’s been going on with you guys? What have we missed?”

Sora turned to Leon, who managed to frown and smirk icily at the same time. “It’s a long story,” Leon groaned, surveying the lot of us who had just miraculously appeared from an unexpected portal burst. “And this little stunt definitely seems like it makes the story longer. Let’s take a walk inside the castle, shall we? Now that the King’s Thirteen are truly thirteen again, I’d say we have a lot to talk about.”

-o-o-o-o-

Aerith put on a pot of coffee, and we assembled at a round oak table in the Chapel. Riku’s head hung low, grimacing glumly as he surveyed the familiar room. Sora gave his report first. Apparently, the others had followed Demona through her portal only to be stranded on another world. Cid had manned his gummi ship on a rescue mission to collect them, and they were attacked so heavily that they had been forced to crash land back at Radiant Garden. Leon and Cid had been working tirelessly to develop better defense systems for the gummi ships, but so far the rest of the King’s Thirteen was isolated in Radiant Garden, unable to travel to any other worlds.

I watched Sora’s eyes as he spoke; they deadened just a little as his voice fell into a somber tone. My earlier guilt resurfaced twofold.

“And then...” Sora’s words came to a strange and sudden halt. All eyes watched as he blinked, scratched his head and stumbled on his words. “Wait, was I saying? I’m sorry I… I can’t remember. It’s just… Blank.”

Goliath narrowed his eyes and watched Sora with a studied concern. I felt myself sweating, a sickness growing in my stomach. Something was wrong with Sora and I had a stinging feeling it was my fault. 

Then, I met Axel’s eyes across the Chapel table and realized he was stifling a laugh. 

Axel coughed to mask his emerging laughter, and then gave a subtle wave of his hand in Sora’s direction. Sora’s eyes shifted in sudden focus.

“Sorry about that, guys,” said Sora, scratching his head. I allowed myself to exhale. Axel coughed out the rest of his laughter.

Leon delicately took over the conversation. “Demona and Maleficent have joined forces. They’re using a spell from the Grimorum to increase the reproduction of Heartless. They’re concentrating these new forces overwhelmingly along the main thoroughfares of interspace. They are suffocating our main travel routes; cutting off our supply lines. Travelling anywhere by gummi ship at this point is suicide.”

“And with no hope of reinforcements, each world is basically waiting to be destroyed,” Riku concluded grimly. 

“I’m still confused how you guys managed to show up,” chimed in Yuffie.

“Kairi and Axel have a trick up their sleeve,” Lulu spoke up. “They created a forcefield strong enough to protect us, and we used the Corridors of Darkness to come here.”

In a room so full, the quiet that followed was deafening.

Leon spoke first, with a slight smile on his face. “That’s… incredible. So many of you? How could you…?” He searched my face and cut his question short. He could tell by the bewilderment in my eyes that I didn’t understand how any better than he did. “That certainly changes things.”

I shook my head furiously. “I don’t see how. I mean, it was hard enough just travelling with half of us, I can’t imagine carrying all Thirteen of us… or more…” My growing confidence wavered at the thought that  _ my _ skill might be the last line of defense.

“Perhaps we could contact Master Yen Sid,” Leon offered, mercifully pulling the conversation away from me. “Magic may outweigh technology on this one. Maybe there’s a better way to travel than by gummi ship. A way we haven’t thought of yet.”

Something occurred to me; something I remembered from the last time we were in Radiant Garden. “Scrooge,” I blurted. Eyes that had only just stopped staring shot right back to me. I looked around at everyone. “Donald’s Uncle Scrooge told me he had an interworld transit system.”

Leon frowned. “As far as I know that was only ever speculative. An idea, sure, but Scrooge never had the chance to materialize it.”

“Surely it is worth investigating, though?” Goliath pressed.

The reluctance on Leon’s face puzzled me. He held his breath for a moment, glancing sideways at at Aerith. She blushed and tried to speak the words he couldn’t.

“Scrooge is, well, how do I say this?” Aerith began in her usual calming tone.

“He’s flipped his lid,” Yuffie said easily, brave enough to spit it out. “He’s kind of persona non grata right now. Cid says he’s shut himself up in that pub of his ever since we first embarked. We think he’s cracked just a little bit.”

Launchpad folded his arms and glared at Yuffie. “Hey, you don’t know what you’re talking about!” he snapped defensively. “Scrooge is the sharpest guy I know, and I’m not gonna sit here and let you insult his character.”

Yuffie nodded apologetically. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong. It’s just… in the King’s last correspondence, he kind of, warned us off him.”

Launchpad was scandalized. “ _ Warned you off? _ Warned you how? What did the King have to say?”

If the room was tense before, it was positively unbearable in that moment.

“It was just three days ago, when we made it back here and used Cid’s comm system to reach out to the King,” Leon took over explaining. “We gave him our latest brief, and he only told us two things: await further instructions, and stay away from Scrooge.”

Launchpad slammed two feathered fists down hard on the wooden table. It echoed in the high Chapel ceiling. He pushed against the table to slide back his chair, and then walked out of the room. His footsteps sounded like the loudest thing.

Goliath cleared his throat. “They are old friends,” he justified gently. “He is upset. I must admit, Scrooge did not seem well the last time I saw him. I will make sure Launchpad’s alright.”

Goliath’s footsteps also left the room, and the awkward quiet resumed.

The meeting came to a cobbled conclusion shortly after. Leon and Sora reported to the comm center to try and reach Master Yen Sid while the rest of us wandered our separate ways. Most everyone went to their guest quarters to turn in for the night, hoping things would be clearer in the morning. It was well after midnight at that point. I took off in search of Launchpad and Goliath, and I found them in the garden. 

I felt a slight warmth as I remembered my terrified and embarrassing reaction to meeting Goliath here for the first time. It was only a few short hours after that that I’d first been introduced to Launchpad in Scrooge’s pub. It gave me a staggering sense of distance; we had all come so far together now. The faces of Selphie, Wakka, and Tidus felt like long lost memories. I had a new family now.

Launchpad smiled weakly at the sight of me. “Sorry if I lost it back there,” he began.

I shook my head immediately and cut him off. “You don’t have to be sorry. That was all… kind of random. And awkward. I totally understand why you got upset.”

Launchpad nodded slowly, still looking dazed and dismayed. “I think I need to go check on the old guy. I mean, I don’t want to disobey a direct order but…” He met eyes with me, searching for forgiveness.

“I’ll go with you,” I offered immediately. Goliath nodded as well, and the three of us took the familiar midnight walk out of the castle and to the town square. The atmosphere of the Wailing Bagpipe was markedly different from my last visit. Less crowded, less lively, and even more dimly lit than before. This didn’t bode well; it was like a dark gray cloud was hovering over Scrooge. What could he possibly have done to accumulate such bad omens?

We didn’t find Scrooge at his usual booth, but we did find another familiar face in his place. Axel sat relaxed, with a chilled glass in his hand, smiling at us expectantly. 

“Took you long enough,” said Axel. I felt like his eyes were lingering specifically on me. He tossed back his drink and emptied the rest of its contents in one gulp. “Not only have I been here long enough to deduce that Scrooge has skipped town, but I’ve already finished my first drink.”

“What makes you think he’s gone?” I asked, sliding cautiously into the booth to join him. Launchpad and Goliath squeezed in on the opposite side.

“I snuck upstairs to his private apartment. Everything’s disheveled, like he packed in a hurry.”

Launchpad frowned. “That can’t be good. Where would he even go?”

“We must find him,” Goliath concluded immediately.

I furled my brow. “It just doesn’t add up. Mickey and Scrooge have been friends for decades, and all the sudden he’s warning us to stay away from him? Scrooge said he’s been living here twenty years-- his whole life is here, including three grandnephews and a niece, and he just vanishes? Doesn’t leave a note or say goodbye? Makes no sense.”

“You think someone made him leave against his will?” Launchpad asked with concern. “Tried to make it look like he fled?”

“Or maybe he really did run in a hurry,” Axel suggested. “Because he knew someone was coming for him.”

“What do we do?” I asked. “Where do we even begin to look for him?”

“You would do well to get some rest,” Goliath suggested in the kind but firm voice of a father. “It’s been a long night for your kind. I have a few more hours until the sun rises. I can talk with some of the patrons here, see if anyone knows anything.”

Axel shook his head firmly. “No offense, big guy, but I don’t think you’re our best bet for that type of investigation. You don’t exactly have a discrete look.”

Even Launchpad, in the depths of his gloom, found that funny enough to laugh at. Goliath cracked a kind smile and nodded in concession. “Perhaps not. But I can certainly do more good while I still have waking hours. I’ll take a glide around the city’s outskirts, see if there’s sign of Scrooge. Perhaps he has not gotten far. The rest of you should get some sleep.”

Launchpad heaved a great sigh. “I think I’ll stay and have a drink myself.” He gently tapped his forehead. “Too many thoughts spinning in the old noggin to go straight to sleep.”

Goliath nodded. “Very well. Kairi, may I escort you back to the castle before I move out?”

“Yeah, we’ve all seen the unfortunate outcome of Kairi not going night-night on time,” Axel jabbed. “Lulu’s got the shiner to prove it.”

I felt redness rush to my cheeks and I rolled my eyes. “I think I’ll stay around for awhile, too,” I told Goliath. “Maybe I’ll have a drink myself.”

If the wizened gargoyle disapproved, it didn’t show in his eyes. He bowed respectfully to us all before leaving the bar. A young dark-haired woman with a French accent came to take our order. Launchpad ordered a dark beer for himself and Axel ordered me a sparkling pink wine. I made a wrinkled face at the choice, thinking he was making some kind of subtle “princess” joke, but it was actually pretty nice.

The bar was noisy but it somehow felt calm. The sound of laughter, soft conversation, a single violin, clinking glasses… these were the noises of normalcy. These were not the noises of battle, of traversing, of waiting. The world was at war, but as I sat and sipped my rosé with my company, it felt like for the first moment in weeks, I could pretend to be normal.


	23. nearness

With the warmth of drink in our bellies we were able to find a touch of tranquility after a weird, long evening. 

Launchpad was still maudlin, but as his beer flagon emptied it turned more into celebratory sadness. He lovingly told stories of his adventures with Scrooge. We laughed at his animated jokes, of which he was usually the punchline. I found Axel meeting my eyes often, like he was watching to see when I laughed. 

It seemed to me a cruel tragedy, that this big beautiful world had finally been revealed to me, but only because of war. The Walls had been torn down, so the Worlds could know each other, but it was only because of the Heartless. We were united, only to fall to our doom together.

“It makes me crazy,” I concluded aloud, my thoughts convalescing upon my third sip of my third drink. “The King tells us to wait, but for what? He tells us to stay away from Scrooge but won’t tell us why? He makes it seem like he knows  _ everything _ but won’t tell us  _ anything _ . We’re supposed to be his elite team, he made it sound like we had something  _ so important _ to do, and now we’re just… waiting. Waiting on it all to make sense or something.”

“Maybe waiting’s not good enough,” Axel cooed quietly into his glass. I watched his face carefully.

Launchpad’s face had soured. He stared into his empty cup, lost in thought. “I think I’m gonna… I’m gonna hit the hay. I’ll sleep up in Scrooge’s place. I’ll… see you guys around the castle tomorrow. See if anything turns up.”

The uncertainty of the word “anything” hung heavy over me as I watched Launchpad walk away, toward the darkened staircase which led to Scrooge’s abandoned apartment.

“Do you think I bummed him out?” I asked with a pout. I stared at my hands in my lap. “I didn’t mean to upset him. I’m just… so frustrated.”

“You’re very sensitive to other people’s feelings,” Axel observed.

“Is there something wrong with that?” I squinted at him and sipped my pink drink.

He shrugged. “What would I know? Feelings are kind of a strange thing to me. I see them; I’m very good at seeing them in people, watching how it shapes their behavior. But I guess that’s because I’m not invested in any kind of feelings. It’s so much easier to see these things without being burdened by them yourself.”

I gaped slightly as he spoke. It seemed like such a sad thing for somebody to say. But I realized, with an unsettling turn in my stomach, that Axel wasn’t Somebody. For all the hours we had spent together, talking and fighting and feeling, I had come to think of him as an ordinary person. How was it possible, that someone so convincingly human could be something so… other?

“Is that why you’re so good at pushing my buttons?” I asked airily. It was easier to make it a joke than reconcile the reality of Axel’s existence. “You just… see my feelings all the time without any empathy?”

Axel closed his eyes and drank heavily. “Yeah. I guess it’s something like that.”

There was a quiet that fell. We had crept steadily closer to each other in the booth, and I hadn’t even realized it until the talking stopped. We were so close that I could feel his breath on me. I was kinesthetically aware of the rise and fall of his chest. He felt so real, and so alive.

“I think I’m drunk,” I said, squirming on the cushioned seat. “It’s kind of weird. I’ve had some papou wine at celebrations before but I’ve never really been drunk.”

“I know I’m drunk. But it’s not that weird. I’ve definitely been drunk before.”

Oddly, he smiled, and reached out to tuck a stray hair behind my ear. My body tingled at the warmth of his slight touch. For someone that had once imprisoned and terrified me, Axel had a surprising way of making me feel comfortable. I was shocked to realize that I wanted his hands on me, wanted his body closer. I blushed, thinking of the dream I had in the New World where he had held me, and I had liked it.

“He imagined you differently,” he drawled, watching my face carefully.

“What?” I shifted in my seat, trying to dismiss the wave of heat passing over my body. 

Axel continued. “The last time Cale saw you, you were seven years old. He grew up fast after that, became a man and a warrior almost instantly. When things were hard in the Garden, sometimes he thought of you. His betrothed. He wondered where you were, what you were doing. But this… what you really are… that’s not what he imagined. He still kind of saw you as a princess. A delicate fantasy. Not a real woman.”

I was still uncomfortable with the notion that someone had been my planned husband, let alone that Axel knew every intimate detail of that dead man’s memories. He died, I considered with a shudder. Did that make Axel a ghost?

Despite my discomfort, curiosity probed deeper. “In the New World you gave me one of his memories. How did you do that— and don’t just say magic. I want to  _ understand  _ it. Can you manipulate memories like Naminé?”

“Not nearly to that magnitude, but I know a thing or two. I told you before that there are levels of magic. Altering the physical world is just a different layer to altering someone’s  _ perception  _ of the world. It’s all stuff Cale learned growing up and fighting with the witches. You could probably do everything she could do and more, if you caught up with the training you would have had if the Worlds had stayed normal.”

If the Worlds had stayed  _ normal.  _ It was so difficult now to fully imagine what normal looked like. I instinctively pictured me and Sora and Riku going to high school together on Destiny Islands, because for so long that’s what I assumed normal was. But if the Doors had never opened, I would have grown up here. I would have been trained as a witch. I would have known my parents. I would have been Princess Kairi.

_ If everything stayed normal, you and I would be married,  _ I told Axel with a twinge of red in my cheeks. And when I saw the surprised smile on his face, I realized it was because I had not spoken the words at all, I had sung them right into his consciousness, the way witches did.

“Not bad, Princess. But you're only partly right. You would be married to Cale, not me. You would be in blissful human love.” There was suddenly a bite to his words. His face contorted in dismay. It reminded me of the sad way Naminé told me she didn’t know what love would feel like. 

“But I’m not him! I’m not! I’m me, I’m someone else... someone I wouldn’t give up for anything. It just makes things complicated, having  _ his _ memories.” 

He was so rarely serious, I felt uncomfortable watching him speak so emotionally, and moreover, about himself. It was too confusing how he could seem to be real, to me and to himself, and yet somehow not be. There was something else that bothered me about the strange complexity of Axel’s existence: if the worlds had never opened and the Heartless never came, Axel wouldn’t even exist. I didn’t like the thought of that.

I changed the subject. “So if you can mess with memories… that  _ was  _ you then, who made Sora forget his story mid-sentence? Back in our meeting, he just kind of went blank, and you laughed. Why would you do that?”

Axel took a drink, disguising his blushing face with his highball glass. “Ah, so you noticed that? Very perceptive of you. I was just having some fun. I could tell that story was going to be boring. I don’t know, I guess something about Sora irks me.”

“Irks you? Sora is unirkable. He’s the nicest human imaginable.” And yet I’m here alone with Axel, I thought worriedly.

“Don’t get me wrong, I have a healthy appreciation for Sora. He reminds me of Roxas, who is basically the nicest Nobody imaginable.” Sadness hit his eyes and he stared at the glass, not at me. “I guess maybe I feel differently about Sora after spending so much time with you. It’s hard to put into words, but it’s like I can’t stand to watch you give him your attention.”

My stomach did little flips. It was such a blunt and unnerving statement. How could he say something like that to me? “What do you mean by that?”

Axel stared thoughtfully at his newly empty glass and shrugged. “I don’t really know. I don’t know what that means at all. It’s complicated, you know? I’m not supposed to feel… but I do feel… I, um… I want to be around you. I don’t know why. I just kind of… crave it.”

He placed his hand on top of mine and it wasn’t cold, like a ghost’s. It was hot like fire.

“So where have you been these past few days?” I was shocked to hear the whimper in my own voice. “After everything we went through in Mesoamerica, and the New World… you just disappeared. We had days in the Coliseum where you could have seen me…”

What was I saying? Days where we had no trauma, no monsters, no obstacles… days that we could have spent together. Alone.

My words were trapped in my throat. I could only look at the glimmering green of Axel’s eyes and breath heavily. So he kept talking.

“I kept to myself to try and figure out  _ why _ I wanted to be around you so badly. I tried to ignore it. But I can’t seem to make it go away. When I teased you earlier, about hitting Lulu… it was only because I felt like you were about to leave, and I wanted you around. I knew if I provoked you, you’d feel like you’d have something to prove, so you’d stay. And I wanted you to stay.”

His pink lips pouted at me and the pink wine electrified my nerves and I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him so bad.

I pulled my hand out from under his and folded it alongside the other in my lap. I turned away from his burning eyes. “I think that… I think that Sora wouldn’t want me to be here. I think that I should go home now.”

Even as the words escaped my lips I felt a flutter of dissonance and confusion--  _ you were never home _ , he had said. There was no home. I didn’t know what home meant anymore.

A regular drunk boy may have reacted differently; but Axel was not regular. He was Other. He smiled calmly and nodded. “Makes sense. Can I walk you back to the castle?”

I closed my eyes and shook my head. I had started feeling too drunk, spinny. “I don’t think I can walk that far right now.”

I felt Axel’s hands on me again and I shuddered a little, but I followed as he guided me out of the booth. I walked up the stairs in the back of the pub, eyes half-lidded, and I was guided into a cozy, dark place and eased onto a squishy couch. Axel left me quickly, as my head hit the pillow, and even though I wanted him to go, I felt a stinging pain at his absence.


	24. feel

I felt sunlight through the cracked linen curtains, and heard birds outside the second-story window. My head twinged. I heard a gurgling noise - a coffee machine - and then footsteps. 

I opened my eyes and was surrounded by Scrooge’s apartment. There was a moment of utter confusion, but the more I woke up, the easier it was to recall the details of what had led to me waking up here.

In the small kitchen of the apartment, Launchpad and Axel were talking quietly and sipping coffee. I blushed instantly at the sight of Axel’s face. After a moment, Launchpad saw my open eyes and eased toward me from the kitchen, a mug in his outstretched hand.

“How ya feeling, little guy?” he said, watching me with patient eyes.

A wave of nausea hit me as I sat up, and with an inspired flick of my hand I cast a sprinkle of Cura. The pain ebbed and I felt human again. I accepted the cup of coffee.

In the corner, I took note of Goliath’s stone figure. “I guess we all decided to stay here last night,” I commented. I tried to meet Axel’s eyes, but he looked right past me.

Launchpad nodded. “Axel just got here - he did some questioning of the late night crowd. He was just sharing what he learned. And Goliath showed up just before sunrise; didn’t even have time to explain himself, he was cutting it so close.” He picked up a thin ceramic medallion from the coffee table and showed it to me. “He was holding this.”

I took the medallion in my hand and examined it, intrigued. The designs on the front were almost exactly like the trinket Master Yen Sid had given me in the Coliseum. I thumbed the design of it and then turned it over, noticing something on the back that was not part of the original medallion. It was something that had been scratched in, haphazardly. A set of numbers.

“Coordinates, I think,” Launchpad explained. Then, after a heavy pause, “I think it’s a message from Scrooge.”

I nodded slowly and took a leisurely sip of the hot beverage in my hand. I digested the information. “Coordinates… to someplace here? In Radiant Gardens?”

Launchpad shrugged. “Like I said, I got no explanation from the big guy. But if these are coordinates, yeah, that’d be a few miles outside the capital. It could be anything, Kairi; I could be making this all up. Could be nothing. But it feels right, you know? I’ve got a pilot’s mind, Scrooge knows that… if he wanted to get me a message that was quick and secret, he’d know this is something I’d recognize right away.”

I looked at the stone figure in the corner. “I guess we won’t know until sundown, when Goliath wakes up.”

Launchpad nodded, taking a long slurp of coffee. “Of course. Right. No hurry.” He let the quiet apartment fill his momentary hesitation. A few more slurps. And then, scratching the back of his neck, “Unless Scrooge is in trouble. Then there might be some reason to hurry. This could be a limited time offer.”

First he glanced at Axel, who nodded intently. Then he looked into my eyes, holding his breath. He needed me to give him the greenlight.

I felt such an overwhelming momentum, an excited feeling in my stomach, like before a dance competition or the academic bowl final round. Like before a battle. Like something extremely important was about to happen. My heart said go, act, but there was so much more to consider. For example, the team of ten other people we’d be leaving behind.

“The others might want to come,” I said slowly. “Like you said, it could be anything. We’re stronger together.”

Launchpad bowed his head in agreement. He wanted to act immediately, too, but he knew we had obligations to the team. He cleared his throat and shifted gears. “You know what’s good? Steak and eggs. The old man didn’t leave much up here but, uh, how about I check the pub’s stores, see if I can’t whip us up some breakfast?”

He clapped his feathered hands together and turned to descend down the stairs to the pub below. He left Axel and I alone together, with nothing but the hissing of the coffee pot. He finally gave me the courtesy of eye contact, and it caused me to take a deep breath, lost in his penetrating gaze.

“What’s on your mind, princess?” he asked, moving toward me on the couch.

I allowed myself to exhale, unable to break contact with his eyes. “It’s just...” I began.

“Alot to soak in, really?” Axel finished my sentence with a knowing grin, mocking the affect of my voice.

“...yeah.” I felt naked in his gaze. He knew me like we were old friends.

He shrugged. “You say that alot.”

“Got it memorized?” I jabbed, unable to help myself. We almost laughed together, but the weight of discomfort pulled me back into my more serious thoughts. “It’s true, though. Everything just feels like... alot. I feel like for years now, ever since the Keyblade appeared, I’ve just been living in this... fog. So many scattered pieces of who I’m supposed to be. What am I, really?”

He reached out, so naturally, with an unexpected tenderness, and combed his knuckles along my hairline. The tips of his hot fingers touched the edge of my ear, and for a moment I couldn’t contain the electric chill it sent through my entire body.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to touch me,” I said. I was surprised when it came out as a whisper. My lips were trembling.

Axel was just arrogant enough to let a glimmer of a smirk spread across his lips. “Why’s that?” he asked, lowering his voice. “Is it because you’re not supposed to like it?”

He looked at the goosebumps forming on my bare arms with delight. And, then, with a slight frown, he reached out and touched a mark on the inside of my arm. It was a shadow of one of the welts left on me from the Jungle Heartless’ slashing vines, one of several scars that remained despite all the Curing magic I’d applied after our first battle together.

I thought of how I used to hide my bruises from Sora, sparing him. Axel touched his lips to my scar and I shuddered with pleasure. With release. Free and unafraid to show my skin.

There seemed to be no going back, not after a touch like that, a moment so intimate and cathartic. I’d been struggling for weeks to wrap my head around “romance,” trying so hard to be Sora’s girlfriend, thinking that I was simply doing things wrong. But it was easy as this, as easy as following my heart and its deepest urges.

“I keep thinking about how I treated you…” Axel said slowly, his mouth still so close to me that his breath grazed my skin. “Before, when we first met. It makes me sick. Back then I didn’t understand- I didn’t  _ feel _ like I do now.” He put his hands on me, and I felt the whole of my body tremble. “I don’t know when it happened, but something changed here. Something in me. Something between me and you. Right? It’s real, isn’t it?”   
  


His eyes were desperate. I exhaled, and I waited, open-mouthed, for words that wouldn’t come. He read me like I wanted to be read, though, and didn’t wait another second before kissing me. I felt the weight of him on me and  _ melted, _ backwards, onto the couch, clutching the folds of his cloak as I pulled him closer to me. It was like a dam had broken, everything pouring out of me. Every repressed instinct of attraction, exploding.

We pulled apart for a moment, heaving breaths and searching each other’s eyes. I realized now that I’d wanted to feel him like this from the first time I’d laid eyes on him. I was afraid of him, yes, but irresistibly drawn to him. I had run away when I’d wanted to run toward him. But how could that be true? How could the truth be so terrifying?

“What’s wrong?” he asked, hovering over me. His voice was fragile and breathy, like it had never sounded before. I saw something in him I didn’t think was possible: vulnerability.

I wanted to run away again. I wanted to tell him that I needed to be alone, to sort all this out in my head. But that wasn’t possible… we were in the midst of so much else. There was no time to think, to understand. With life and death looming, we couldn’t deal with anything that wasn’t right in front of us.

I didn’t answer him. I kissed him again, clutching his hair like reins and savoring the heat of his face next to mine.

“Alright gang, who’s hungry?” Launchpad’s chipper voice called from the stairwell, a stark reminder of the world that existed outside of our moment.

Axel climbed off of me in record time. I fumbled quickly into a less compromising position just as Launchpad nudged the door open with his huge boots. His arms were filled with steaming ceramic plates.

I smiled at the food he placed in front of me, hoping that my face didn’t look as red hot as it felt. 

I was grateful that Launchpad was… well, Launchpad. He was more than content to ramble and tell stories between shoveled bites of breakfast, and blissfully oblivious to the sizzling tension of Axel and I struggling not to look too hard at one another.

“Well, better get a move on, eh?” he said eventually, politely collecting our empty plates and dropping them into a sink full of dishwater. “Let’s see what the rest of the team thinks about this mystery coin.”

Mechanically, I stood and started making my way down the stairs, Axel shadowing my movements with haste. Launchpad was still finishing the dishes, tidying up as a desperate symbol that Scrooge would still be coming home, when my sneakers hit the first landing of the winding staircase.

Axel stood over me abruptly, pushing me against the wall, the same heat I remembered from when he’d snatched me up.

“Axel…” 

“I know,” he breathed intently, meeting my eyes. “I know it’s a secret, and I understand if you don’t ever want to bring it up again… but I just have to tell you, especially if this is the last stolen moment I ever have with you. You make me  _ feel. _ ”

His long arms scooped me off the ground, cradling my legs completely as his lips found mine. He kissed and groped me with the entire weight of his body holding me flush against the wall of the stairwell. I felt fire in my thighs as I squeezed them around his torso, and heard myself moan in a voice I barely recognized when he drew his mouth down to kiss the nape of my neck.

When we heard Launchpad shut the door of Scrooge’s apartment behind him, Axel eased me back to the ground without a word. He placed a final, gentle kiss on my forehead.

“This feeling can stay a secret, if you want,” he said, turning away from me as Launchpad’s descending footsteps grew closer. “But I hope we can do that again sometime.”


	25. straws

We had to return to the castle, however strange that felt after our awkward council. I had no doubts about Scrooge, regardless of what Leon had said. I would follow his message and see what he had uncovered. But first, I supposed, I would pretend to ask our squad leader for permission.

It was warm, for morning, and quiet, compared to the Radiant Garden streets at night. After we entered the castle, we came upon the group mostly assembled, scattered around the dining hall for breakfast.

“Where have you been?” cried Sora, running to me and wrapping his arms around me. There was a time when those arms brought comfort, but in that moment they only brought me guilt. He held me like a lover, and I had finally come to terms with the fact that I couldn’t play that part. It made his grasp feel too tight, his touch oddly unwelcome, and I was embarrassed at how readily I flinched. Sora could feel it, too, a lot horrified look casting over his blue eyes. It was like, suddenly, I wasn’t his any more.

I pulled away. Looking at Sora’s face, I could only remember being so close to Axel just minutes before, his body pressed against mine in the narrow stairway. My stomach churned with shame.

“We stayed the night at Scrooge’s apartment,” I answered, feeling the room pause in discomfort at the sound of his name. “He’s gone. We think he was scared into running, but he left this clue with Goliath.”

I held up the medallion. Leon rose from the table, eyeing me with a combination of suspicion and concern as he approached and took it from me.

“How did he make contact with Goliath?” Leon asked carefully.

“We don’t know,” Launchpad responded, casting more doubt in Leon’s eyes. “Goliath went to look for him and when we saw that he had come back, he was already stone, holding this message.”

Leon sighed. “So you don’t even know that this message is really from Scrooge. Or, moreover, that Scrooge could even be trusted if it was.”

Launchpad held his ground. “With all due respect, sir, I think we can all say that Goliath is beyond reproach. He went to look for Scrooge and this is what he found. This has to be worth investigating, whatever it means. Other than these coordinates we’ve got a whole lot of nothing in terms of wisely planning our next move.”

Leon looked at me, a deep concern simmering in his gaze. He shook his head slowly. “These coordinates could be from anyone, leading us anywhere. This is not a reliable lead. In all likelihood, this is a trap.”

I felt myself snap, and spoke louder than I was used to speaking. “What about this whole goddamn situation doesn’t feel like a trap?!” I exploded. “The worlds out there are dying, Maleficent is taking over  _ everything _ , the gummi ships are worthless, and we’re just supposed to sit here and WAIT. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m sick of taking orders from someone who’s never even around!”

The room had grown so silent that I could hear the echoes of my own voice in the cavernous ceiling. Sora looked like he didn’t even recognize me. Leon stared at the ground. A low, distinguished sound of someone clearing their throat broke the quiet. All of our eyes turned in the direction of the far wall, where Master Yen Sid had quietly entered the room.

“Fiery words, young Princess,” he said softly, though in the shocked silence of the room, his voice was booming. 

“Master Yen Sid,” I said desperately, running toward him. I was blushing, but determined to make them all listen. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the battered medallion he had given me. “Scrooge’s message… it was etched onto a medallion just like this one! Just like the one you gave me! That has to mean something.”

The Master examined me, and then the object in my hand, with an unmoving face. “This medallion is a symbol of the Circle of Witches of Radiant Gardens; this one, the rank of novice. Yours, the rank of master, the rank of your mother. I gave you this gift as a token of sentiment, nothing more. Such medallions are not common items, since the witches have been wiped out, but it is not an impossible coincidence. I feel as though you may be grasping at straws.”

I felt my spirit deflating. I met Launchpad’s eyes and he gazed back at me with a shrug and a frown.

“What brings you to us, Master Yen Sid?” Leon interjected. “Word from the King?”

Master Yen Sid nodded solemnly. “Indeed. He informed me of our challenge in transportation and I offered a solution. My tower exists in a plane of reality that is neither Light nor Dark; it is nestled in what we call the twilight, the space between. I am able to travel back and forth with this plane through Twilight Town, the world to which my satellite is anchored. I believe that I can use the same magic utilized to manage my train to create safe passage for the King’s Thirteen.”

“That’s great news, your excellency,” Sora answered. Having ridden the Master’s magic train himself, Sora was the most apt to be confident in its success rate. The others nodded in fervent agreement, and I mechanically felt myself nodding along with them. I wanted to be excited. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being pulled in the opposite direction from where my heart wanted to go.

The Master held out his hand in halting motion. “This is powerful and difficult magic. I shall need all your able mages at my side to conduct the spell. But I feel that I should tell you… the path I can create for you will be a one-way trip. The magic simply cannot sustain more than that. To return, you must defeat our enemies once and for all. It is a last effort, to undermine Maleficent’s forces at their core.”

Leon nodded. “To the World That Never Was, then? A final assault?” he assumed.

The Master shook his head, watching us severely with his cold blue eyes. “You cannot hope to defeat her where she reigns. She is too powerful there. Our only hope is to rip her power out from under her. The King requests that I send his most powerful warriors, the Thirteen, to the End of the World-- the vast expanse at the edge of our universe where dying worlds convalesce. There you can enter Kingdom Hearts and dismantle the threads that hold Maleficent’s false Kingdom together.”

The room was silent, the words  _ one-way trip  _ and  _ final assault _ ringing heavy upon us. The End of the World.

Sora spoke first. “We’re ready, Master. We can do this.” He revealed his Keyblade, and it sparkled as it reflected the morning light pouring through the windows. He lifted it in the air, and Leon followed suit, raising his gunblade in salute. Around the room, with varying levels of enthusiasm and at various speeds, weapons and hands were rising into the air, committing themselves. But I couldn’t bring myself to move. It didn’t feel right. Pieces were missing from this puzzle.

“You are noble warriors, all of you. Saviors to the world as we know it. We will depart at dusk, when your gargoyle awakens. That should leave you time to make your preparations, and give me time to make mine. I shall retire to the Chapel, where this world’s ancient magic pools the strongest. This is where we shall cast the spell.”

The dining hall was a flurry of movement and dialogue upon Yen Sid’s egress. Launchpad crossed immediately to Axel, who listened with a stoic face as he emoted frantically. I found myself walking toward the exit as chatter and plotting refilled the quiet room. I needed time to think; time to catch my breath. I needed time alone.

But Sora would not leave me alone.

He found me in the garden, a place I had come to think of as a sanctuary in this home that didn’t really feel like my home. The sun was high enough now to shine over the castle walls, the water of the pond shimmering its reflection. Here, Leon had told me I would be queen. But queen of what? I wondered now. 

“Hey,” he said, approaching me at the water’s edge. I sat on the grass, staring, thinking.

“Hey,” I said. We sat in the warm quiet, uncomfortably.

Sora sighed. “So I mean… don’t you have anything to say to me?” His voice was wounded. “You just disappeared overnight, showed up in the morning. You directly disobeyed Leon. Kairi?”

His eyes pierced me. I wanted to speak but my mouth was dry. My thoughts felt choked in my brain; I didn’t know what to say or where to begin. “I had to follow up on Scrooge,” I answered simply. “What Leon and the others said… it just didn’t feel right. Launchpad knew it too.” And Axel, I thought, but I didn’t dare say his name. 

Sora bit his lip, thinking. “But it’s more than that. You’ve been missing for a week. I was so worried about you, couldn’t think of anything but seeing you again, and now that I’m with you again… It’s like you haven’t even wanted to talk to me.” He reached out, forcefully, and grabbed my shoulder. He forced me to meet his gaze. “It’s like you won’t even look at me. Like you’re shutting me out.”

I wanted to tell him he was wrong, but I couldn’t, because he was right. There was a new distance between us. I tried to feel the way I felt the first time I kissed him, just weeks ago in the dark before sunrise. In that moment, before our journey began, I needed his strength to move forward. But suddenly, I didn’t feel that way any more. He was still Sora, still the dear friend of my childhood. But what he wanted from me… that kind of love… I knew now that I couldn’t give it to him.

I put my hand on his, resting on the grass. “If we were still on Destiny Islands…” I began, softly. How could I explain myself? How could I tell him that I had promised him my heart when I didn’t really know my heart yet? How do you take something like that back?

“We’re still on the same team,” I started over. “I just… I can’t be  _ close _ to you the way we were before. Not in the middle of all this.” I watched the wrenching hurt cast over his eyes and I felt it, too, punching my gut. I felt a sob clog my throat. “Can you possibly understand?”

“Kairi, I love you,” he said in a sad whisper.

I shook my head and ignored the shattering feeling in my heart. “You love a little girl that reminds you of home. We loved each other as children. Think how many journeys we’ve taken away from each other… we aren’t those children any more. The love that bound our hearts won’t ever go away, Sora… but we can’t pretend that a childhood love lasts forever. I have to give up those comforts, you know? I’m different.”

I remembered, strikingly, everything Riku had postulated when he woke from his nightmare in the Coliseum. It was heartbreakingly but inescapably true. Every step you took forward into the person you were meant to be, the background scenery of your childhood got a little blurrier.

Sora pulled his hand away from mine and stared at the water. I could feel him simmering beside me, but neither of us could say another word. The anxiety between us weighed a thousand pounds.

He drew his thumb along his eyes, pushing aside the tears he didn’t want to shed. He cleared his throat. “I don’t know what happened in the week I lost you,” he said. “But there’s something in you I don’t recognize any more. And maybe you don’t have the same feelings for me that I have for you… maybe I can learn to deal with that. But I hope you mean what you say, that you’re still on our team.” He stood up and brushed the morning dew from his shorts. “Master Yen Sid said he needs all our mages… and from what I’ve seen, you’re more magical than I ever dreamed of being. You better show up in the Chapel with the others.”

He walked away, out the same gate he once charged through to save me when I was screaming, and I was left alone. I pulled my knees into my body and held myself, sobbing.


	26. emerge

It was surprising how no one came to bother me for hours. I guess everyone was busy enough just dealing with what was about to happen. I sat by the pond, contemplating. Soaking in the sunlight and the quiet. It was the first time I’d experienced solitude in so long.

My stomach rumbled some time after noon, but I maintained my post. I couldn’t walk away from this serene intermission. Once I did, it would all become real. It would be time to promise myself to battle. I tried to prolong it.

Leon broke the quiet. He crept in, as he had once before. I stood to speak to him.

“Are you disappointed in me, Captain?” I asked.

Leon grimaced. “Well it isn’t great for morale, you running off and disobeying orders. Disregarding the wishes of your team.”

Of the team, or just Leon? I wanted to trust his leadership but there was just something that didn’t feel right. I said nothing. I wanted to argue but I knew my pleas would fall on deaf ears. I felt separate from him, separate from the team. Alone on a limb.

“But that’s not why I came.” He reached into the leather pouch that rested on his hip and pulled out a meat and cheese sandwich, wrapped in a cloth napkin. “I thought you might need some lunch. You’ll need your strength to help with Master Yen Sid’s spell.”

I nodded my thanks, and started nibbling at his offering. 

“He’ll be starting soon,” Leon continued, prodding. His voice was soft but his eyes were stern. The message was clear: it was time for me to stop hiding and pouting and get back to work.

Leon sighed and, to my surprise, he placed a brotherly hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry if it felt like everyone ganged up on you this morning. I think some of us were just frustrated. It was hard to see the team divided on something when we only just reunited. We’re about to take a huge risk; we’re risking our lives and we might still fail. We can’t be divided, Kairi. The only way we can hope to win this is if we stand together, united.”

I frowned, looking at him. “Do I get to fight this time? Or will you make me stay behind and wait while others bleed?”

Leon gave me a censuring glace. “This is exactly what I mean. This is  _ war. _ The King is our general, and just so happens, he made me captain of this unit. I needed you to stay behind in Mesoamerica, and you needed to accept my judgement as captain. You can’t look at our battle tactics solely from the lens of how it affects  _ you.  _ There’s a bigger picture to be served.”

I nodded again and swallowed. “Okay,” I said. “I’m coming. I just need… I just need another minute.”

Leon bowed in acceptance. “Good. I’ll see you in the Chapel.” He paused for another moment, then touched my shoulder again. He gave me an encouraging smile. “Someday you’ll understand all this, Princess, when it’s you who leads us all.”

I tried to smile back as he turned to leave; I’m not sure I was entirely convincing. 

It didn’t add up. From the beginning of my membership in the King’s Thirteen, I felt like I didn’t quite belong. No one had really seen what I could do. I had yet to test the bounds of that for myself. Leon had kept me out of center stage in the Mesoamerica campaign, and still hadn’t seen me fight or lead or face anything. How could he be so confident that I could become their queen one day?

I closed my eyes and tried to remember the trembling feeling of Axel speaking into my mind. I summoned the challenging kind of magic that grew more natural with every beat of my heart, and I reached out to him.

_ Axel _ ,  __ I called out to him.  _ Where are you hiding out? _

_ Took you long enough to ask _ , he answered.  _ Nice telepathy, by the way. I was getting sick of being the one to start all our conversations. _

I smirked, despite my anxiety.  _ I’m getting the hang of this whole magic thing… that’s why I needed to talk to you, actually. Master Yen Sid is starting his spell soon. We’re supposed to meet him in the Chapel. _

_ And what do you plan to do, princess? _

What, indeed? My heart felt set, but I still needed to find the strength to articulate it out loud.  _ Meet me in the garden…  _ I instructed him. I realized that I could not go on this quest without him. We were a team now.  _ Bring Simba and Launchpad.  _ Simba my steed, Launchpad my pilot. They were part of me too.

I had enough time to eat the much-needed sustenance Leon had brought me, and pace the edge of the pond a few times before the three of them arrived. I felt an alarming flutter inside as Axel came into view, and when he was within my reach, I surprised myself by giving his hand a quick squeeze in greeting.

“Folks are heading to the Chapel,” Launchpad said with a nervous head scratch. “But I get the feeling you may have something different in mind, eh, little fella?”

I nodded determinedly, retrieving the mystery medallion from my pocket and clutching it in my hand. “I have to find out what this message means,” I said decisively. “I understand if you don’t want to come, but I had to at least let you know. You’ve all become so special to me.”

Simba bowed his mighty lion head. “We ride together,” he answered simply.

“I’m not giving up on Scrooge, no way,” Launchpad asserted, clapping his hands together fervently.

I smiled at each of them, landing on Axel, whose agreement was obvious just in the gleam of his eyes. I ran my thumb over the etchings of the medallion, determined with my rogue mission in mind.

“Let’s do it then,” I said. “Let’s see what Scrooge’s message is all about.”

We marched out of the garden, nervous as cats as we crept down the less commonly trafficked hallways to exit the castle without intercepting our comrades on their way to help Yen Sid with his suicide spell. We made it as far as the labyrinthine hallways of the leaky basement, where we planned to use one of the back exits, when we turned a corner and nearly collided head on with Riku and Lulu.

Startled, we stood in confused silence for a moment, eyeing and analyzing one another. I squinted determinedly at Riku. “We’re investigating the coordinates Scrooge sent us,” I said sternly. “You can’t stop us.”

Riku glanced at Lulu, smirking, then back to me. “Stop you?” he said. “Nah. We were just coming to find you to tell you we think you should check it out.”

I hesitated, glancing toward Lulu, who gave me a simple reassuring nod. “Oh? So…”

“So we’re coming with you. Come on, Kiks, when have I ever been good at listening to authority?”

My eyes softened in thanks, grateful to have Riku by my side more than ever because I feared I might never have Sora again in the same position. I smiled gratefully at him and Lulu both, beckoning them to follow.

We didn’t make it past another twisting corridor before we were stopped again, and this time our interceptors were wielding weapons. My heart was tormented as Leon, a mentor to me, stood squared against me with his Gunblade in hand and fire in his eyes. Flanked behind him were the others, Aerith and Yuffie to his right, Mulan, Aladdin, and Sora to his left. They stood firm, obedient to Leon’s lead, but their faces mirrored my own conflicted feelings. No one had ever wanted it to come to this: the team divided, a line in the sand between us.

“Kairi, you can’t do this,” Leon ordered. “You can choose to follow us now, or we’ll take you by force.”

Axel stepped forward immediately, angling himself in front of me and glaring at Leon. I could see the formations of flames begin in his open hands. “Surely you don’t think the rest of us are going to let that happen,” he said with a cold chuckle. 

“The rest of you can become deserters if you choose,” Leon responded. “But I’m afraid I can’t let Kairi leave my custody.”

That struck me as odd. Why just me? Why was I the only one worth stopping?

I saw on Sora’s face that it seemed suspicious to him, too. 

“It doesn’t have to be this way,” I said seriously, unsheathing my Keyblade at my side. “We’re on the same side… we shouldn’t be turning one another into enemies.”

I saw, in Leon’s face, not stubbornness or aggression, but genuine sorrow. “I agree,” he said, pleadingly. “ _ So don’t do this. _ I made the King a promise that I can’t break.”

“To follow orders no matter the cost?” Riku scoffed, gripping his weapon tightly.

“ _ To protect Kairi no matter the cost. _ ” His words were shocking. “We all knew the risks of this war, that there might be consequences and unpleasant choices. But the King made me  _ swear _ that no matter what else, I would make sure Kairi made it through this alive.”

His eyes were pleading.  _ Think about your future, when all this is over, _ I heard his voice say to me in what seemed like the distant past.

I raised my Keyblade. “That’s no one’s promise to make but mine,” I insisted. “I’m going to find Scrooge, and you can’t stop me. I’m pretty over being held captive, to be honest.”

And then I leapt, with a fierceness I was growing increasingly comfortable calling my own, straight at Leon with my glimmering Keyblade. I felt movement on every side of me, as the soldiers on either side of the line prepared to join the fray, and then, everyone stopped as another Keyblade zipped in front of mine to block Leon’s striking Gunblade.

Sora stood between Leon and I, his feet dug in, guarding me.

He looked back at me, with little time to explain himself, but our hearts knew each other well enough for me to understand immediately. “We’ll always be best friends, Kairi,” he said. “That can’t ever leave my heart.”

Leon growled and freed his blade, taking a rageful swing at Sora, who parried and knocked him back several feet. It was microseconds before the others were coming at him, too- I’d never seen a Keyblade move so fast.

“Kairi, go!” he screamed, single-handedly holding off the crew of retaliators for as long as he could.

I only had time enough to offer him the most grateful gaze I could muster before I made a mad dash for the castle gates, flanked by my fellow renegades.

We flitted quickly through the inner city streets, reaching the crumbling canyons that ringed the outside of the capital. It was a tedious climb, into the chasm and eventually back out again, until we were free to run across the arid and abandoned plains in the Radiant Garden countryside.

“We should come up on the spot any minute now,” said Launchpad, reading his compass. “It isn’t too far outside the city… In fact… wait… this is… this is it.”

We stopped in our tracks, confused. There seemed to be nothing any more special about this patch of dirt than any other patch of dirt. Scratching my head, I was struck with the idea of casting a moderate wind spell. Sandy brown sediment went flying away across the rolling plains, until buried under the dirt, we saw something: onyx-colored railroad tracks. They had an ethereal shimmer to them, stretching several dozen yards into the plains beyond.

I cast the spell again, and we saw a metal hatch that had been buried under the dirt. In the corner was a small panel of control buttons. It was a square roughly two feet by two feet, labeled with a regal font:  _ McDuck Interworld Transit Enterprise. _

“Holy mackerel,” Launchpad whispered. “I can’t believe he actually built it.”

“It?” I asked. The others watched Launchpad with a similar bewilderment. “What exactly is it?”

“I mean, for all we know this is just a non-operational prototype…” he mumbled, bending down. He opened the control panel door, examined the mechanications beneath, mumbled some more, then slammed the door shut. “Here goes nothing…” He punched in a pattern of instructions, and in the next moment, we heard a massive roar beneath the earth. Another metal hatch, ten times the size of the control panel, squeaked and rumbled as it parted open from the earth. Massive clouds of dirt and dust were disturbed all around us. Suddenly a giant, shimmering black train car had appeared from nothing, resting like a monolith on top of the tracks.

I exhaled, suddenly connecting the dots. “He actually built it,” I breathed.

Axel laughed, stunned as he understood it, too. “He actually built it,” he echoed.

Riku rolled his eyes. “This isn’t the  _ Field of Dreams, _ people,” he interrupted our awe. “Somebody better explain to the rest of us what exactly ‘it’ is.”

“This was Scrooge’s most ambitious and controversial project,” Launchpad explained. “An Interworld Transit System, a singular transport that would connect all worlds. It would make any world accessible to any ordinary person. No need to have a gummi ship or a complicated understanding of Doorways. You’d only have to buy a ticket, and you could visit other worlds. It was the whole reason Scrooge and Mickey ever met - the King was at first very excited about the project. He and Ansem the Wise both supported the research and drew up the plans to make it happen… but then, recently, Mickey suddenly condemned the entire project. Claimed it was unstable, dangerous - he said it violated…”

“World order,” I interjected. It was King Mickey’s default explanation for his obsessive secrecy. “So if this is what Scrooge wanted to show us, it’s no wonder Mickey tried to stop him, if he wanted the project shut down. But why? What did Scrooge expect us to accomplish by finding it? How can we even know where it goes?”

Boldly, Riku jumped into the vessel, glancing around. He pointed to a flashing screen on the wall. “Not sure  _ where _ , but it’s definitely going somewhere. In here it says ‘Destination Programmed’ in flashing green lights.”

Lulu pursed her lips in thought. “Programmed… to where?”

But Riku couldn’t find that answer inside the strange and ready vehicle.

“Let’s think about this from Scrooge’s perspective, try to get inside his head.” Axel supplied. “The king has blacklisted him, he packs up everything and runs, but leaves a message with Goliath somehow, for some reason...”

I remembered the scarce but punctuated details from my first meeting with Scrooge. “Family problems,” was the ambiguous phrase Launchpad had kept repeating. “Maybe it’s programmed to Scrooge’s home world,” I said.

“Maybe Scrooge really is the traitor they say and it’s programmed to an ambush location,” Lulu played devil’s advocate.

“Maybe we just get in and see where it goes,” Axel said with a sigh, almost bored.

I let my breath catch for a moment. I glanced around us, noticing the sinking sun and the shifting rose hues of the sky. Surely Yen Sid had already begun his spells and had already noticed our absence. In just a few minutes the sun would be completely set and Goliath would awaken; the departure of the King’s Thirteen was scheduled for less than half an hour, and half of us were missing in action.

Climbing aboard Scrooge’s mystery vessel and following it to its mystery destination was a dangerous enough proposal on its own, but as time slipped away from us, the momentum was becoming an ultimatum. I understood that it was now a choice between following the unknown and sticking with the mission we’d agreed to. We’d already violated our loyalty by coming this far, but it wasn’t too late to turn back.

I met Axel’s eyes. I meant to speak to him, but he spoke first.

_ It’s your call, Princess, _ I heard internally.

_ Why mine? _ I asked with butterflies in my stomach.

_ Look around. Everyone’s waiting for your command. Sometimes leaders are chosen, sometimes they just… emerge. We’re a rogue outfit now, on your whim. Your call. Whatever you choose, they’ll follow. _

I thought of the firmness with which Yen Sid had denied my intuition.

“I can’t sign us up for a one-way trip when there’s clearly something the King hasn’t told us,” I said, decisively. “I’m just not willing to believe that a suicide mission is our only option. Not yet, anyway. Scrooge knew there was something else, and he risked his safety and his reputation to make sure we found this place.”

I followed Riku’s footsteps into the clean, metallic vessel. There was a warm hum that accompanied the blinking lights. Without time for hesitation, the others followed and soon the tiny vessel was comfortably crowded with passengers.

“Ready?” I asked everyone, though I didn’t really wait for a response before pressing the bright white button that said simply,  _ Depart. _


	27. where's your rebel base now

The vessel barely seemed to move at all. There was just the slightest, gentlest tug, like being in a horse-drawn carriage. I could see that Scrooge had clearly designed this for the everyday user. We sat quietly on the smooth white benches, while nondescript jazz music played through inauspicious speakers. It was maybe a twenty minute ride. I marveled that a travel option as easy as this existed, and none of us had known.

The end of the ride was signaled by a soothing chime, and a computerized woman’s voice announced, “Destination reached. Thank you for choosing McDuck Interworld Transit.”

The automatic door swooshed open and, tepidly, our party exited into unknown territory. The vessel was parked at an impromptu waystation in the middle of a grassy meadow. It was nightfall. 

There was a deep cacophony of rumbling explosions in the distance; it sounded like the Fourth of July. Near the waystation was a simple dirt road, leading in one direction to the vast forest beyond, and in the other direction to a hilly region. The valley glowed with torchlight, signs of a village nestled within.

“Which way do we go?” asked Simba, peering up at me. Axel was right; I was in command now.

“The Heartless want hearts,” I said with a shrug, pointing toward the lighted valley. “So I say we head where the people are. Whatever Scrooge wanted us to do here, our best chance of finding it is to head toward the town.”

“Toward the battle noise, you mean,” Riku chimed in with a snort. He pointed as well. “Look at all that smoke rising from the valley. We’ve shown up right on the outskirts of a war zone.”

Axel shrugged. “Sounds like exactly where soldiers belong.” He looked at me, and I was flustered by the disarming closeness I felt in his gaze. I could no longer tell if I was reading his mind, or if we just understood one another that well by now. “Fucking heroes, right?” he prodded.

I nodded, and led our band of AWOL warriors down the dirt road. Our journey was not as long as I imagined it would be, because in mere minutes we heard the clicking grid of horse hooves and squeaking wooden wheels coming toward us. There was a tense moment of uncertainty; we clutched our weapons as a clunky, old timey cart came into view.

“I’ll be damned,” an unmistakable Scottish brogue called out into the darkness. The driver, obviously Scrooge, pulled the reins and lifted his lantern for a moment’s closer look. “Princess Kairi, of all souls.”

I felt a wave of relief. “We were worried about you,” I called back, walking close enough to the cart to see his face. And, surprisingly, Donald Duck sat on the passenger's side of the driver’s bench.

Scrooge nodded at me. “Likewise, milady. If I’d known what an utter shitshow we were facing, I never would have left you back in Radiant Garden. Even with Launchpad to look after you… Huge mistake.”

“Don’t you ever get full on saying ‘I told you so,’ old man?” Donald quacked irritably. “Maleficent’s reinforcements are less than six hours away, if they maintain their current speed. If there’s anyone left alive by daybreak, you can brag all you like to the survivors.”

Scrooge nodded his tired head. “Right then, well, hop in the back, the lot of you, and I’ll tell you what’s going on here if you tell me what the hell is going on out there.”

We climbed into the wooden cart and Scrooge whipped the reigns. The horses pulled the cart down the road, passing a sign nailed to a giant round oak that read,  _ Sherwood Forest.  _ The ride was bumpy as we entered the forest of pines and oak that buffered the town that Scrooge had identified as Nottingham. Only Scrooge’s lantern and swarming fireflies provided light in the dark wood. They illuminated parchment posters nailed to many of the trees, offering rewards for the capture of a fox in a green tunic named Robin Hood.

“Is the King’s Army here?” Riku asked on the brief journey. “We were told you were a traitor not to be trusted… seems odd you’d be here in the middle of the King’s war.”

Scrooge let out a singular, icy blast of a laugh. “Call me a traitor, will he? Bloody pot and kettle, isn’t it?”

I grew more mystified each minute of our ride. “So wait, why are you still fighting? Why is the King telling everyone you betrayed him?”

“Mickey gave up on this war a long time ago.” He pointed ahead down the road, where the battle smoke was growing more visible as the trees thinned. “The soldiers you hear just ahead are those who weren’t willing to die for the King’s lies; this is the rebel army, the ones who think there’s still a chance. We’re the last ones standing- and based on the appearance of these Heartless scouts a few hours ago, it looks like Maleficent has tracked down the last gasp of resistance.” Scrooge leaned out and spit angrily into the dusty road. “Smart bastard. The King may be a coward but I never said he wasn’t smart.”

“So what about the forces Goofy was leading? They’ve all come here?” asked Riku.

“Goofy’s dead,” Donald interjected angrily, causing a wave of shocked silence. It hit like a quick blow to the gut, the wind knocked out of me, but Donald barreled on like he was too destroyed inside to linger on the sad truth. “The King disbanded the army weeks ago. He’s drawn up a treaty with Maleficent. Those here fighting are the ones who refused to give in.” Donald’s dark motives were clear; I was terrified to think what he had lost, what he must feel.

Weeks ago… before we had left the Coliseum?  _ Before  _ we saw the King, and he told us how important our mission was? How could that be true? Why would he bother training us, letting us bond as a team, if he had already decided to stop fighting?

I felt dizzy trying to understand. Goofy was dead and the King was a liar… Something was missing. Something so off-putting that I glanced toward Scrooge once more, carefully this time, now wondering if I could trust  _ him  _ at all. Who was telling the truth? What was real?

We left behind the trees of Sherwood Forest and came upon Nottingham quicker than I realized. The battle noise was discernible now; a single booming cannon seemed to go off every ten minutes or so. Abandoned thatch-roofed houses lined the narrow streets. All the villagers had taken refuge in the granite-walled feudal castle at the center of town.

“Waves of Shadows keep cropping up at the perimeter,” Donald explained, as the cart rolled across the drawbridge into the castle walls. The drawbridge creaked shut behind us as we started piling out of the vehicle. The open yard of the castle was filled mostly with animals in medieval garb, the natural inhabitants of this world. But there were dozens of others, refugees and renegades from every kind of world.

Donald continued. “It’s enough to keep our main guard occupied, but not enough to pose any real threat. Based on our reconnaissance, the reinforcements will be here by dawn.”

The cranky duck heaved a great sigh, and bid the lot of us farewell with a limp, near-sarcastic soldier’s salute. “I’m going to look over the battle plan again. That was always Goofy’s department but…” hearing his name cut through the whole of us, cold and sharp as an icicle. I could feel the hurt in Donald’s eyes.

“I’ll go with you,” Riku offered. Donald gave him a grudgingly appreciative nod and the two of them wandered in the direction of battlements.

“How can we help?” Launchpad asked.

Scrooge gave a weary, maudlin chuckle as he pulled a metal flask from his jacket pocket. “I’m a businessman, old friend. I should think I know the least about mounting offensives than anyone.”

“But you did bring us here, didn’t you?” Axel prodded. “You gave Goliath the medallion with the coordinates to your transit station?”

Scrooge looked at Axel blankly while taking a slurp from the flask. “Medallion? I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about- not that I’m not happy that you’ve arrived. Not surprised Goliath worked it out, either, bloody brilliant gargoyle. I’m afraid there’s no grand plan here, children. Just a final stand, whatever our odds may be.”

I took a deep breath as I tried to read the faces of the others. Had we followed the right lead? Or had we simply abandonned one suicide mission for another?

If my team was disappointed, it didn’t show. Their eyes were determined, looking around the bleak and muddy yard as if they simply needed to know what they could do to prepare for battle.

Launchpad clapped his hands together. “All right, old bird, show me what you’re working with,” he said to Scrooge. “Guns, cars, dare I wish for planes? Is that a giant catapult I spy over yonder? Whatever gear you’ve got, I’ll do what I can to equip us.”

Scrooge nodded, smiling gratefully at Launchpad. “We are fortunate enough to have Professor Jumba here with us, and he brought with him as many of his space weapons as he could…”

Off they walked, and I had barely watched them leave before I noticed Simba and Lulu wander off in another direction, introducing themselves to the hodge podge soldiers assembled throughout the yard. So we were doing this thing. We were committed- as Scrooge said, whatever the odds.

This left me suddenly standing alone with Axel, which was both unnerving and comforting at the same time.

“Looking a little green there, Kairi,” he said, putting his finger pensively to his chin. “How’s it going?”

Just glancing at his lips made me blush. Despite the worried lurch in my stomach, I still had room enough somewhere in me to feel a tinge of warmth to hear the way my name rolled off his tongue. Kairi, not “princess” or some other silly superlative.

“This isn’t the battle I’d expected to be fighting,” I answered carefully, watching Scrooge’s assemblage of warriors, some keeping busy, some talking nervously, some just pacing. “Or maybe it’s the right battle, but the wrong way. How could Mickey honestly cut a deal with Maleficent? What would that even look like? What kind of peace would even satisfy Maleficent? What… did he agree to give up?” I rubbed my eyes, suddenly exhausted from how far the day had brought us from steak and eggs in Scrooge’s apartment. “I’m still confused by it all. I don’t know who we can even trust.”

I said  _ we,  _ I realized, because I  _ did _ trust Axel. I couldn’t pinpoint when it happened, but I trusted Axel with my feelings as much as my own life. Whatever he was, he wasn’t going to hurt me. Whatever he was, he cared about me. He  _ loved _ me, even without a heart.

_ It’s real, isn’t it?  _ He had asked me that morning.

And it was, because I could feel it, could feel  _ his feelings,  _ in every fiber of my heart.

This realization had my head spinning. How could I trust someone so deeply who was supposedly inhuman? He was a Nobody, and weren’t Nobodies as bad as Heartless? And weren’t Heartless the enemies? And wasn’t our general supposed to destroy the Heartless, not negotiate with the sorceress who was controlling them all?

A desperate voice inside me whimpered.  _ What are we really fighting for, and who are we really fighting against? _

With a gut-wrenching agony, I thought of Goofy. I remembered holding his hand, sitting on the gummi ship on the eve of war, as he told me the fears he had for his son. And now, he was gone. He would never see his son again- we would never hear his laugh again. Goofy’s life- what had it been given up for? Was it worth it? Was  _ any _ of this worth it?

I needed answers.

_ Well,  _ I thought.  _ Am I a witch or am I a witch? _

I looked at Axel. “I need your help with something,” I said decisively. “Who knows if it’s even possible, or how much time we have, but it’s the only thing I can think of to help me make sense of everything.”

Axel reached over and squeezed my hand. He smiled gently, eyes blazing with emotions people said he couldn’t feel. “Let’s get to work, eh?”


	28. a chain of memories

Axel and I wandered through the castle complex’s thoroughfares, passing every type of person along the way. Playing-card men, rescued from the fragments of Wonderland, sat along the wall playing cards to pass the time. Centaurs, fairies, and demi-gods from Fantastic places stood idly chatting with ordinary men and women from ordinary worlds. As we got further from the crowd, I was horrified to see young children, a small rabbit boy and his bespectacled turtle friend, practicing with bows and arrows alongside the infamous Robin Hood. 

We left them behind, walking across a quiet cemetery on the backmost stretches of the castle grounds, in search of a secluded space. We were granted a small stonewalled church, occupied only by a somber mouse in a sexton’s cassock and collar, playing the organ.

We tiptoed down the aisle, past the worn wooden pews and into a small confessional booth. It was a tight squeeze for the two of us to fit onto the bench that was intended for a single confessor, but that closeness was natural now. Desirable, even.

“So which memory are you looking for, exactly?” Axel asked. I tried not to be distracted by the way he idly stroked a lock of my hair. It was hard to think straight when I wanted him so badly, and for what I had in mind, I needed to be more focused than I’d ever been in my life.

I had explained my plan to him as we walked the castle grounds. I was inspired by what he had said to me in Scrooge’s pub, that I could be capable of Namine’s powers and more if I’d ever been able to complete my training as a witch. I thought, just maybe, I could search Axel’s memories of Cale’s training and find something that would give us an advantage in this final stand.

I frowned. “I don’t know, exactly,” I said. I placed my hand against his face. “I was hoping maybe I could, um, just have a look around in there until I see something that clicks?”

Axel cocked an eyebrow. “Uh-huh. So I should just… open the entirety of my mind for an untrained witch to ‘poke around’ in?”

“Yup. Pretty much.”

He shrugged, smiling at me. “What’s the worst that could happen, I guess? We’re all supposed to be dead by sunrise anyway. Just don’t mess up my hair.”

He grabbed both of my hands and squeezed, filling the small space around us with the warmth of magic. We weren’t in the church anymore, or even in that world. The atoms of our bodies dissolved to liquid, floating between the planes of existence. I felt my own thoughts and consciousness drift into the background and the landscape of Axel’s memories became a solid vision.

The first  _ where _ was the castle garden of Radiant Garden, though it was impossible at first to discern  _ when.  _ It was perhaps the only feature of the castle that remained untouched by the many transformations and upheavals.

But then I heard Gran, singing, holding me as a toddler in her lap like the very first memory I ever recovered.  _ That was the first time I saw Axel again _ , I realized. He had unlocked it with his arrival.

I watched as her wrinkled hands eclipsed my small ones, guiding me in the motions of a spell, singing the incantations in that secret language of witches.

From across the garden, a younger woman clicked her teeth in disapproval before lifting her teacup from the wrought iron table she sat beside. Mom, I recognized, remarkably. I could see traces of myself in her… the curve of my own cheekbones, but slightly worn with age, her eyes blue like mine but glimmering with wisdom I didn’t have yet.

“Wreckless,” censured my mother. It was haunting to hear her voice, a vibrant tone that had been missing from my life. “You’ve got to stop spoiling her. She’s too young to play with magic.”

Gran laughed indulgently. “Nonsense, dear. Can’t you tell she’s gifted? Isn’t that right, little one?” She kissed my cheek and I giggled. “The witch who would be queen.”

Cale, five years old, removed his attention from throwing rocks at the pond and gave my grandmother a doubtful look. “Are you sure about that, Gran?” he questioned. “You really think  _ Princess Pouty Pants _ is old enough for magic? She’s not even potty-trained!”

Clearly, Axel’s ability to tease me endlessly had been ingrained in him from Cale’s earliest words.

I wanted to see more of my own lost childhood, but this was too far back for answers. I concentrated on future moments, searching for Ansem’s reign and the horror it brought. Cale’s training and the witches’ rebellion was the lesson I sought.

I pushed on through time and saw Gran’s face again, older and worn. She was no longer the indulgent, pleasant grandmother of my baby years, but a weary and determined soldier in war. I felt a gasp of shock as she slapped a thirteen-year-old Cale across the face. I felt the sting as though it touched my own flesh.

“Again,” she said tiredly. “You must try harder. They must never know who you really are. If you want to get close to them, they must not see the Light shining in you.”

They were hiding in the dank, concealed basement beneath Cid’s house. Gran had stayed with him for years, protecting him, training him, and now she was preparing him for his greatest challenge yet.

Cale sighed, unmoved by the pain of her hand. “I’m sorry, Gran. It’s just hard when deep down I don’t really want to hide who I am. I’d rather be out there with you and the other witches. I want to fight for our home, you know I can!”

Gran held his shoulders, firmly but with love, and looked straight into his young eyes. “Ansem thinks that you are dead, just as he assumes of Kairi. No one will know who you are. If we can just hide the witch in you, you are our only chance of getting someone on the  _ inside. _ You still have a light to shine, my child. That is so much more important than just another body on the battlefield.”

Cale nodded. With a deep breath, he concentrated once again on casting the glamour that turned his blond hair unrecognizably red, his blue eyes green, and raised two black scars on his cheeks. Most importantly, it disguised the truth that was in his heart.

“Hello,” he practiced, in a voice that sounded more like Axel’s than Cale’s. “My name is Lea, your highness. I’ve come to ask for an apprenticeship.”

Gran clapped in approval. “You are ready, my son.”

I watched and ached, in Cale’s skin, while he lived for years among Ansem’s apprentices, pretending to serve and admire the man that had destroyed both our lives. He could never let his guard or glamour down, participating in their horrific experiments of the heart, feeding information to Gran all the while. I felt a deep mourning for the agony that plagued Cale’s young life, while I was a blissfully oblivious child on Destiny Islands.

The guilt drove me, unbidden, to the last moments of his life. I was on my back now, bones twisted in agony, blood dripping from a wound, feeling exactly what he felt on the cold stone floor of Ansem’s laboratory.

He had been discovered, and it was his closest companion Isa who stood over his body. Isa was seething with betrayal, breathing hard as he clutched his sword in anticipation of landing the fatal blow.

“Isa, no,” Ansem’s cold voice commanded from the shadows. He stepped forward and placed a patient hand on the blue-haired teen’s shoulder. “A human death will not do.”

“He betrayed us!” Isa cried. “He led the resistance right to the door! They could have ruined everything.”

“Indeed. And a heart as brave as that could prove useful… we must set it free, don’t you see?”

Ansem snapped his fingers and a Heartless appeared, snarling and drooling. Hungry. It leapt at Cale’s helpless, bleeding body, and I shuddered as I felt the life snuff out of him. His heart dissipated, and somewhere in the Corridors of Darkness, a powerful heartless was born. Somewhere else on a faraway plane, in a World that Never Was, an even more powerful Nobody was born.

Cale’s death, Axel’s birth. It was heartbreaking.

But there was no time to pause or mourn or wonder; I began to spiral deeper, sifting through endless images of Axel and his journey as a Nobody, until finally I was in his memories and no longer Cale’s.

This one was recent. He was walking along the late night streets of Radiant Garden. It was only a few weeks ago. Suddenly, I knew the exact night, because as he leaned against the streetlight, staring at the entrance of the Wailing Bagpipe,  _ I _ walked out of the door.

My memories of that frightening walk back to the castle, how I had floundered in the face of my first Heartless foe, became clear. I watched through Axel’s memories as he followed me home, hiding from view, and I watched his signature fire spell from the shadows destroy the Heartless that had almost choked me to death.

I had followed,  _ knowing in my heart it was him _ , and he evaded me quickly, ducking into the abandoned servants’ quarters and slamming the door shut behind him.

The interior was covered in cobwebs and dust, the humble parlor lit by a single oil lamp. The warm yellow light revealed, in addition to the normal furnishings of a commoner’s house, symbols etched in black along the moulding of the ceiling.

King Mickey sat perched in a squashy green armchair, Master Yen Sid standing close to the wall behind him.

“What’s the word on Scrooge?” Mickey asked, fingering the embroidery of the armrest and frowning. 

“The short of it? He’s drunk,” Axel answered flatly. “Doesn’t seem like he poses much of a threat. He got your message from Donald about the Transit and then they had it out. Kind of hard to know most of what they said, ducks quacking, you know. But it ended with Donald saying he was taking the girl, Webby, away from him to stay with Daisy at Disney Castle. Then the old man popped him in the face, Donald knocked him out with a gravity spell, took the girl and bounced. Scrooge came to a few hours ago and he’s been drinking and whining in the bar ever since. He had a visit from Launchpad and the gargoyle, too.”

He left my name out. Was that on purpose? Was he protecting me?

“What did he tell them?” Mickey prodded nervously.

“Told them about the fight, and the Transit shutdown, but mostly he’s just been chugging whiskey and waxing philosophical about the ‘good old days.’ By my estimates, he’s probably blacked out and passed out by now.”

Axel’s levity didn’t seem to have much of an impact on Mickey, who still looked worried and despondent. He looked questioningly to Master Yen Sid. After their silent exchange, Yen Sid gave an ominous nod.

“We’ll have to contain him, I’m afraid,” Mickey said with finality, earning an eyebrow raise from Axel. “For his own safety, of course.”

Axel shrugged his shoulders. “Seems a little aggressive coming from the infamously chipper mouse King, but hey, whatever. Am I done here?”

“I was hoping you’d be the one to bring him in, actually.” He and Yen Sid were both watching Axel’s reaction carefully.

Axel rolled his eyes. “Of course you were. Look, I’m not like all your other minions and cronies… Spying on Scrooge was a one time favor. I’ve got no dog in this fight, you understand? I only came here in the first place as a favor to Naminé.”

“And yet you stayed,” Master Yen Sid interjected, examining Axel with his wide and terrifying eyes. “Living quietly in the wreckage.” He pointed to the symbols painted on the wall. “And in the abandoned home of witches, no less. What did you hope to find here, I wonder? Something to remind you of who you were before?”

Axel folded his arms, face stoic. “Hardly. I’m not the sentimental type. And no offense to the dead, but I kind of prefer being me. A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?”

“As you like. Still, there is enough human left in you to make you care for your friends. For Naminé. Enough to keep a promise. Enough, perhaps, to have at least a passing interest in the fate of all worlds?”

“Where’s this going, old man?” He tapped his foot impatiently, squirming just slightly under the intimidating gaze of the master.

“We need your help, Axel,” Mickey said. “Cale’s warlock medallion contained instructions for an ancient spell that was used hundreds of years ago to end the first Keyblade War. We need to know what happened to it… and then we need you to complete the spell.”

Axel barked in laughter. “Yeah right. Maleficent’s stockpiling an army of Heartless, reopening Kingdom Hearts, and you want  _ me _ to be your hero? First of all, I don’t care what Cale was capable of, I ain’t no real warlock. And even if I was, the kind of magic you’re talking about is master level shit. It would take an entire coven to pull that off. And even if I was, through some miracle, able to pull off that kind of spell, you’re forgetting the most important thing,  _ I don’t care _ . And I won’t do it.” He held up a hand to stop Mickey’s immediate protests. “No, don’t bother trying to pull at my heartstrings, okay? Don’t have any.”

With a sad sigh, Mickey glanced back at Yen Sid, who simply grinned. “Well,” Yen Sid responded, clearing his throat loudly. “I’m afraid that you don’t have a choice.”

Out of the shadows of the kitchen, a snarling gargoyle woman appeared in answer to Yen Sid’s subtle cue. Axel yelped in pain as she pounced on him, laughing as her claws ripped through his cloak and spilled blood onto the warped wooden floor.

“Slowly, Demona,” Master Yen Sid instructed her. “We don’t want him dead. Not until he gives us what we want, at least.”

Demona cackled and threw back her mane of cherry hair, baring her fangs as she slammed the blue flesh of her fist into Axel’s stomach. “No problem, boss,” she answered huskily. Then, she brought her lips to Axel’s ear and hissed lowly, “Hold tight, darling. I’ve got  _ centuries _ of practice in torture and no deadlines to speak of. That pesky sun that gives so much trouble to the rest of my kind? I’ve already squared that one away.”

She laughed as she pinned him to the wall. She started by using her claws to flay the flesh of his fingers, one by one. Axel’s screams were so piercing and desperate that it was clear how I hadn’t heard anything when I pressed my ear to the door of this place those weeks ago; only some kind of magic spell could hide sound like that. 

Somewhere in the real world, my physical body was trembling as I watched and  _ lived _ Axel’s horrible memories of being tortured by the gargoyle named Demona. The enemy King Mickey had supposedly sent us to stop. It was as unbearable to relive as it must have been for Axel to experience, and it only came to an end when he screamed out one surprising word.

“KAIRI!” he shrieked, blood flowing down both of his arms. His cloak was shredded and ragged. His eyes were blackening with bruises. 

Demona paused her torments. “Say that one more time?” she prompted.

Axel spit blood to the ground and heaved a deep breath as the torture stopped. “He gave it to Kairi. When she fled Radiant Garden, he sent the medallion with her. That’s all I know, I swear. I told you, I’m no warlock. There’s no way I could cast that kind of spell.”

Demona looked to Yen Sid. Mickey, I realized, had left the room, unable to watch. “Is that what you were looking for, boss?”

Yen Sid contemplated for a moment, looking unmoved by Axel’s beaten, bloody body. “Yes,” he said at last. “I think that will do. This sheds some light on something I feared… and on an opportunity I had not considered.”

He straightened his wizard hat with two hands, and then waved his arms in a grand spell-casting motion. Axel’s wounds were healed moments later. With a second spell, Yen Sid had replaced his bloody robes with fresh ones.

Demona clicked her tongue. “Well, that just takes the fun out of things, doesn’t it?” she sighed.

“Mickey, get back in here, please,” the master commanded, and obediently, Mickey returned only a few minutes later. Yen Sid shook his head at him. “If you can’t stomach the reality of what we must do, my apprentice, the road ahead is only going to be more difficult. I’m afraid we are going to need to pause our designs momentarily. Axel is quite right- without his heart, he is not capable of casting the spell as we’d hoped.”

Mickey was crestfallen. “Then who? How long must we wait? Every day that we let Maleficent’s strength build, we are sacrificing more lives to the cause.”

“A necessary evil,” Yen Sid answered simply. “In the meantime, you will keep Axel with you. You and Merlin will train him in the  _ solare _ witch way as thoroughly as you can until the time is right to bring him to the Thirteen.”

“The Thirteen? But I thought we needed them for-”

“All in good time, Mickey. All in good time. You were always too impatient for your own good. You must learn to step back and see the larger picture.”

“You’re forgetting that there’s no  _ way _ I’m going to help you,” Axel piped up wearily, finding his voice at last. Demona growled at him, yanking him back by the hood of his cloak.

Yen Sid smiled. “That’s quite enough, Demona. You are dismissed.” As Demona shrugged and left the house, Axel stepped forward to move on Yen Sid, but was caught dead in his dastardly gaze. “My poor Axel. As a being without a heart, you have very little defenses against my brand of magic.” He rubbed his hat again and prepared himself for a spell. “And I think you’ll find it is very easy to change your mind…”

As Master Yen Sid waved his fingers, I could feel the unreal sensation of him prying the memories from Axel’s fragile mind. The torture, the plot, all buried deep until I had found my way inside to unlock them.

Axel blinked. “So…” he said slowly. “Sorry, I zoned out. Where were we?”

“The king was just asking for your help,” Yen Sid answered, in a gentle, almost jovial tone. “Merlin will help you to tap into Cale’s warlock powers in exchange for your joining the King’s Thirteen.”

Mickey nodded, all signs of distress on his face cleverly masked. “It’s so good of you to accept, Axel. You’ll make amends for the things you’ve done ten times over.”

In a daze, Axel found himself nodding along. “Ah. Yeah. Well… you know. Not like I’ve got much else going on. Besides, it’s been awhile since I had a good fight.”

The three of them ended their conversation with cordial laughter and pleasant goodbyes, Axel to begin his journey without ever knowing the horrible truths he had uncovered or the abuse he had endured.

I couldn’t believe how close I’d been to this moment… if I had only bothered to open the door, to stick around, to try and peer into a window, would I have known all this all along? Could I have intervened, and helped Axel?

But then, I probably wouldn’t have wanted to. I wouldn’t have understood. I would have been on Mickey and Yen Sid’s side; I would have believed any excuse they may have offered, because just a few short weeks ago I could still only think of Axel as an unfeeling enemy. Strange how our experiences change us. They shine a light on all we thought was black and white only to reveal an undulating sea of gray.


	29. a cave of wonder

“Kairi,” said Axel’s voice. I felt his hands clutched in mine, his touch visceral and warm, not like a memory.

I opened my eyes. Outside the confessional, the organ had stopped. I could hear a flurry of yells and footsteps coming from the castle yard. “What’s…”

“It’s Maleficent,” he said with a sigh. “She’s, uh, she’s deciding to start the evening off with a little fanfare.”

There was an enormous clap of thunder outside, followed by exactly what Axel meant. “Your time has come!” screamed Maleficent, as if from a loudspeaker. Her voice was everywhere, roaring like a jet engine, shaking the walls around us. “Come out, you fools,” she taunted. “Come out and drop to your knees, and I just may let you live.”

Axel and I hurried out of the church and back to the yard, where Scrooge’s militia was readying weapons with determination on their faces. Donald Duck stood on a wooden crate like a platform, doing his best impression of Goofy’s battle face. It was left to him, now, to fill the shoes of the Captain of the Guard.

“Looks like the reinforcements have arrived,” said Riku, unsheathing his blade. He turned to Donald. “Do we have eyes on her?” 

“All towers, do you copy?” Donald quacked into his radio. “Where’s Maleficent?”

“Just outside the fairgrounds on the edge of town,” answered Chip. Or possibly Dale. Not easy to discern. “Ya think you could have mentioned she can turn into a  _ dragon?!” _

“We think the barricade the villagers built will hold her for… okay, all of about twelve seconds,” the other chipmunk squeaked into the radio. “She has set the barricade on fire, I repeat, the dragon has set the barricade on fire. She’s flying right for you guys!”

Donald took a deep breath before firing his radio off again. “Launchpad, that’s your cue, do you copy?”

“Roger that, boss, the gummi squad is live in the air, targets in sight,” Launchpad answered through the static-filled speaker.

Several hundred feet in the distance I could hear the whirring of gummi engines and the shrill zaps of lasers fired. Riku lifted his weapon. “Tell him the infantry will be there in five,” he called to Donald, before leading a group of soldiers toward the castle drawbridge. Everything was in motion now. This would be where it all came to an end… for better or worse.

Simba appeared at my side in an instant. “Kairi, you ready?” he said. He cracked a slight feline smile. “I think you and I would be the cavalry.”

For a moment, I froze. It was happening too fast. I still needed time to work through everything I’d seen in Axel’s head… there was still something missing.

I turned to Axel, who was watching me carefully. “Is everything alright?” he said softly. He tapped a gloved finger to his forehead. “Find what you were looking for in there?”

I frowned. He didn’t even remember everything with Mickey, and Demona, and the torture, and the medallion…

“I need you to buy me some time,” I said quickly. “Go ahead without me.” I turned to the lion. “Simba, do you trust me? Can you wait five minutes for me? There’s just one thing I need to do.”

Simba nodded, but an emotion that looked remarkably like fear paled Axel’s face. 

“Don’t worry,” I said, putting my hand on his shoulder. “I’ll be right behind you, I promise. I couldn’t leave you now.”

The corners of his lips curled into a grin, even though there was a sparkle of tears glimmering in his eyes. “I know you wouldn’t… at least not on purpose.” He choked on his words for a moment, and I felt a sick pain wrenching suddenly in my gut. He grabbed my arms and pulled me against him, lowering his mouth to where it met at the top of my forehead. My heart pounded loudly next to his soundless chest as he whispered against my skin. “What we’re going into out there, there’s no way of knowing how it will end… if this is the last time I see you...”

My whole body trembled as I exhaled. I hadn’t even considered the possibility until he spoke it out loud. “I love you,” I said immediately, my mortality flashing before my eyes. “If this is the last time you see me, then I want you to know that I love you.”

I leapt onto my toes to reach my lips to his, clutching his face and kissing him fiercely. Simba cleared his throat awkwardly and padded a few feet away.

When my feet dropped back to the ground and I opened my eyes, Axel was staring down at me, his green eyes streaming tears.

“I love you, too,” he said quietly. “If you can believe that, coming from a Nobody…”

“I do. Now go!”

I turned away so that I wouldn’t have to watch him run into the fray. I was glad I hadn’t told him what I planned to do. I was scared, of course, to use a portal all on my own, but Riku had taught me that it only took one second of hesitation to find your ass on the sand. I had to trust my instincts. Fucking heroes.

I held my breath and summoned all the strength I now knew flowed through my magic veins, stepped into Darkness, and in moments resurfaced on the bright and empty shore of our childhood play-island on Destiny Islands.

It was stunning, to one moment be in the black of night and the heat of battle, and in the next to be here. Next to the soothing blue ocean, quiet and full of endless possibilities. But I had no time to be sentimental. I had to focus. If Axel… or Cale, really, had given that medallion to me when I fled, it had to be somewhere here on Destiny Islands. I had to reach deep to find the memories that had been hidden inside me from all those years ago.

I closed my eyes. _Remember,_ _Kairi. It’s in there somewhere. The end of the dream._

I was seven again, in the woods again, hungry and sore from being clutched in Grandma’s arms.

“Hurry, Cale,” she said harshly to the twelve-year-old boy behind us. He was crying. I was crying. We were children and we couldn’t possibly understand the magnitude of what she was doing.

“Here is good,” Gran said, placing me unceremoniously on the trunk of a tree while she drew a circle in the fallen leaves and dirt of the forest floor. Cale took the bundle of kindling from my tiny arms and helped her build a fire. We gazed at one another, frightened into silence, as she chanted over the flames and cast her spell.

After several minutes, I felt the burning heat of the flames shift into something cold and otherworldly. Suddenly it wasn’t fire; it was the living black flames of Darkness itself. A portal to another world.

“Go into the fire, Kairi-chan,” she said. I had heard her say it so many times, revisiting the vision, but now I understood. “The fire will cleanse you. Free your heart from this terrible evil.”

“No!” squealed Cale, grabbing my hand and clutching it until it hurt. “She’s too young. She’ll never make it.”

“She must. Radiant Garden is not safe for her any more.”

Cale bit his lip. “Okay,” he said, not letting go of my hand. “But… I think she should take this with her. So she’ll remember.” He released my tiny fingers and took the medallion from around his neck.

For a moment, the urgent panic in Grandma’s face softened. “Yes...” she said, slowly. “That’s an excellent idea.”

Before he could hand it to me, she took it into her own hand and used her fingernail to scratch something into the back of it. She placed it firmly in my hands, forcing me to close both hands around it as tight as I could. “You can do this, little one. If you ever need them, the fires of  _ solare _ will come to aid you. A witch’s journey begins and ends in flames, Kairi. You must keep this safe in your new home. Keep it somewhere secret.”

And then she pushed me.

I blinked back to life, standing on the beach. Somewhere secret.  _ Of course _ . I ran across the sand, past the pond and the old tree. I could barely squeeze inside the rock crevice now that led to the Secret Place. The long lost feeling of its cool and quiet caught my breath. I gazed around in wonder at the memories of my replacement childhood etched into the stone walls. 

War and death had forced my grandmother to push me all alone through that portal, but I couldn’t be bitter about it. My parents had been killed and my kingdom destroyed, but this home had still been good to me. These islands made me who I was. I could never have become the person I was now, about to go against the odds, without the people here. For a final tender pause, I traced my fingers along the stone etching of Sora and I sharing a papou fruit.

And then I searched under every rock and crevice until I felt between my fingers at last Cale’s novice warlock medallion, covered in over nine years of grime and dust. I wiped it off and ran my thumb over the symbols scratched into its back. A hundreds-year-old spell that had stopped a Keyblade War. A spell that King Mickey and Yen Sid were willing to torture and lie and sacrifice lives for.

“Whatever you are, you better be worth it,” I said aloud, my voice echoing in the tiny cave as I shoved the medallion in my pocket. “Because you have made me late for a pretty important date.”


	30. stop

When I portaled back to the castle yard, it was empty except for Simba, who was pacing in front of a rickety hangman’s scaffold. The others had flooded to the castle walls or across the moat into the frontlines of the town itself. It was battle quiet.

“Let’s go,” was all I had to say to summon him. I leapt onto his back and we rode together across the drawbridge, toward the raucous, desperate noise of killing.

The streets of Nottingham were filled with Heartless assaulting an unreal mosaic of minutemen from every world I’d never dreamed of, fighting side by side in a kaleidoscope that “World Order” would have shuddered to behold. Robin Hood was firing arrows beside Stitch and his alien laser gun. A platinum-plaited ice queen was firing Blizzard spells into stairs and ramps of ice that spanned the battlefield, upon which Inuit warriors and a sleuth of enormous grizzly bears charged and leapt at their enemies. Cars, for some unholy reason, with eyes and faces and battle cries, followed by a black panther and a feral Indian child in a red  _ dhoti. _

A blast of green flames came pouring from the sky, melting the ice queen’s fortress and dropping dozens of grizzlies to the ground with pained howls. Maleficent, in her dragon form, zigzagged through the evening sky, wailing in ravenous glee. The deluge of water from the melted ice filled the unpaved streets with mud. Simba road hard, undeterred, sloshing debris in every direction as I sliced my Keyblade in rapid succession at every foe that inched near us.

I was so lost in my desperate defense, against what felt like hundreds of Heartless, that I could only barely pause when the ghost of Goofy came charging past me, shield in hand, attacking a Fat Bandit until it crashed into the stone fountain of the town square. The Heartless exploded in a spray of colorful essence and crumbling stone.

I almost called out his name, in confusion and elation, until I realized the familiar man was far too young to be Goofy. I realized, with a pang in my heart, that this could only be his son, Max. He caught my eyes, for what could only be a split-second, before he proceeded to tackle his next foe.

I exhaled, trying to find some sense of focus as I was flung around on Simba’s back, bombarded by too many enemies to think straight. I thought back to the Jungle Heartless, with its enormity. To defeat it, I had to ride away from the battle for a moment to formulate a plan. There was no room for that kind of strategy here in the Nottingham square, where enemies bombarded our inferior forces endlessly. Slashing and mashing the Keyblade was merely a stopgap to conquering the true villain that stood before us, but I strained to focus on any clear endgame.

“You fools!” bellowed Maleficent’s voice from the sky. “For every one of you who falls, my army only grows stronger!”

Her gargantuan form looped a somersault in the air before diving down and unleashing another deluge of fiery breath upon the village. I could hear screams of agony. I swallowed hard as the rain of fire came nearer to me.

“Watera!” I screamed, dousing the flame just seconds before it overtook Simba and I. My face was slick with sweat.

I couldn’t pause for a moment before Simba was already leaping out of range of an enemy blow, and I was casting Thunder spells intermittently with Keyblade blows at the wave of Heartless that leapt at me from every angle.

A lithe and wiry Heartless flung past my defensive spells and pushed me off of Simba’s back. My Keyblade skidded across the dirt road, and before I could summon it back, it’s hands were wrapped tight around my throat. I dug my sneakers in the dirt as I tried to wrench off the Heartless hands. It reminded me of being attacked alone in Radiant Garden.

Only it was different this time, because I was stronger now.

_ Fire,  _ I thought, and the mere consideration of it filled my flesh with a hot angry glow. The Heartless released his grasp immediately, wailing in pain over his singed hands. My Keyblade returned in a blink and sliced through him.

And so I went on, and on, until the fatigue of battle started to blur my vision and confuse my senses. I could barely tell the screams of pain from the cries of attack; I couldn’t discern where my allies were in the swarm of endless enemies.

In the middle of the chaos, something absurdly familiar grabbed my attention. A small cloaked figure, with enormous round ears, trailed by a looming and enormous man with a long grey beard. And then the world changed.

_ “Stop.” _

A single syllable, roared in the somber voice of Master Yen Sid, yet it wielded the power to freeze every single movement for miles.

I looked around and saw everyone, friends and foes, frozen in midaction with their faces contorted in the rage of battle. Even the dust and splatters of mud were hanging in midair. Only I seemed untouched by the spell, and the slight movement of the two familiar bodies emerging from the crowd to face me.

“Your Majesty,” I said carefully, as the short-statured creature stood before me, Golden Keyblade in hand. Yen Sid stood behind him with his hands folded; it was roughly the distance between a marionette and a puppetmaster.

“Kairi,” Mickey responded in a soft, somber tone. “You disobeyed orders.” He threw up his hands and let out a sad, weak laugh. “Why couldn’t you just trust me, ya know? You’ve made things immensely more difficult by coming here.”

I gripped my fingers tightly around the hilt of my weapon, eyeing him and the Master for even the slightest of sudden movements. “Had to trust my heart, Your Majesty. Forgive me for hoping there was a better way to win this than killing everyone I loved.”

“Really?” There was a sad twinkle in his eye as he lifted his gloved hands and gestured to the terrifying battle frozen in place all around us. “Is that what you call this?”

I paused for a moment and sighed. I had to admit that the circumstances were pretty bleak. But then I remembered how he walked out of the room and let Axel be tortured. “Battle’s not over yet.”

“But that’s the point, Kairi. The battles will never really end, not while the Corridors if Darkness exist, connecting the worlds for the Heartless to travel freely and devour them. We have to put a stop to it, for good.”

“By cutting a deal with Maleficent?” I spat. “How could you betray us like that? Goofy was loyal to you, and he trusted you, and he  _ died _ for you.”

An uncharacteristic flood of rage passed over Mickey’s face. His nostrils flared as he squeezed the Keyblade tighter in his hand. “Goofy should have stood down and accepted the treaty! I was trying to keep everyone safe. I needed to let Maleficent think she had won, at least until the Thirteen could complete their task.”

I found my anger rising to meet his. “Which is  _ what, _ exactly? You’ve been sending us on wild goose chases for  _ what _ ? A single spell that will somehow fix everything? A spell you couldn’t even find or cast yourself?”

Mickey’s eyes widened in surprise. He glanced back and Yen Sid for a moment, then looked at me and tried to keep his face neutral. “I guess you’ve been doing some investigating. What exactly have you learned?”

“I’ve learned that you wanted Cale’s medallion and you never found it, and that you were willing to let people die until you did.” I gazed past him at the looming Master Yen Sid, whose face looked impassive. I spoke my next words to him, venomously. “I saw what you did to Axel.”

Yen Sid smirked. “His suffering is of no consequence,” he answered. “He doesn’t even remember it. And even if he did… surely you are not foolish enough to think he is  _ real? _ He has no heart. Any feelings he pretends to have, or you think you see in him, are simply illusions.”

“That’s not true!” I screamed, charging toward him. Mickey struck his Keyblade against mine, parrying me and shoving me backwards.

Yen Sid clicked his tongue. “Clearly, child, you have been fooled.” He reached up and rubbed the rim of his magical hat. “Perhaps, Mickey, I should make her forget these false ideas, and then she will be more amenable to our designs.”

He thrust his hands in my direction and I felt the sharp sensation of his magic on my skin. But nothing else. His spell, the same memory spell he had cast on Axel, had no effect. I watched him pause in confusion at first, and then twitch in anger.

There was a barrier around my heart, the first spell Axel had taught me on the crashing gummi ship. I grinned in satisfaction and raised my weapon again.

“Kairi, wait,” said the King. His voice softened, and he lowered his own weapon. “We’re not here to fight against you or hurt you. We’re here because we need your help.”

I sighed, trying carefully to read his face. He seemed genuine, but how could I trust him after all the lies and misdirection? I thought back to Leon’s puzzling determination to keep me from leaving.

“But why?” I asked, looking deep into the King’s round eyes in hopes of seeing some truth there. “What exactly is the Thirteen’s mission? Why did you make Leon promise to keep me alive over everyone else?”

“Master Yen Sid has already told you how very special and unique you are. The ancient blood of the world’s very first magic flows through your veins. You may well be the last living descendant of Solare, the first witch. It was you who opened the Door to Darkness on Destiny Islands two years ago. Your heart, swallowed in Darkness but safely contained inside Sora’s, gave him the power to summon the Keyblade. Don’t you see? You are the only one who could possibly save the worlds now. ”

“But… how? Why all the lies? What would you have me do, and why couldn’t you tell me from the very beginning? What’s the truth, Mickey?”

He dropped his head. “The truth is too hard for most people to accept. The only way to end the battle between Light and Dark is to get rid of them both. There is an ancient spell that can destroy the Corridors of Darkness and restore the one true Kingdom Hearts.”

“And why is that so hard to accept?”

Mickey hesitated.

“If you need me so badly, then you can tell me the truth.”

Mickey looked back at his old mentor, who gave an almost imperceptible nod of permission. “With the Corridors destroyed, there will be nothing connecting the Worlds any more. They will be forever separate. And… without the Light of Kingdom Hearts, they too will fade away. There can be only one world, a singular entity to protect Kingdom Hearts.”

“One world? But… but what about everyone else?! How can you possibly decide who gets to live and who  _ fades away _ ?”

“I can’t save everyone. But Master Yen Sid and I have been working for weeks to build a sanctuary, collecting refugees from the dying worlds. Tonight, you and the Thirteen were supposed to come with Yen Sid, to be safe there and lead the new world after you cast the spell.”

_ A one way trip. _ So Yen Sid had warned me, in his own way. He and Mickey truly believed this was the only way- to cut our losses and simply leave Maleficent and her Heartless to die along with all the other innocents.

“That’s… insane, Mickey. You can’t possibly believe in this.”

His eyes were pleading. “It is the only option we have left, the only chance to save humanity. It will be like starting over. Everyone will be fine, no one will remember anything.”

He glanced back at his master’s shimmering hat.

“But if no one remembers, it’s like it never happened! You would destroy most of humanity, and not even give the survivors their right to  _ mourn? _ ”

“Would that be such a crime? Haven’t things only grown worse as the worlds have intermingled? Hasn’t Darkness spread? It is best to erase the past few years from everyone’s minds and hearts.” Cautiously, he extended his hand, leaving it open in hopes that I would place my own in it. “Kairi, I’m much older than you might imagine. I have seen enough destruction to know this is a worthy sacrifice.”

“I don’t believe that. You’ve become stubborn. You’re making the same mistakes DiZ made. We need our memories. We need Darkness. We have to face it head on, or we’ll just make these mistakes over and over again. We need a history to be a people. The answer is going forward, not back.” Not unlike facing adulthood rather than dwelling in childhood, like Riku had realized. Like I knew in my heart when I told Sora we couldn’t be together.

“I’m so sorry, Kairi,” Mickey nearly whispered, reaching into the folds of his dark cloak. His hands re-emerged, clutching an arcane leather bound book I could only assume was the Grimorum Arcanorum. He flipped quickly to a specific page. “I’m so sorry that we have to do things the difficult way.”

Behind the king, the great Master Yen Sid raised his arms and a visible whoosh of Magic shot through the air. In seconds, a large hurtling mass of flesh came flying from the crowd and landed in the dirt between the king and I.

Axel’s frozen body lay before me, splayed on the ground. My hands flew out instinctively towards him, but I was immediately paralyzed by the jolting force of Yen Sids’s Thundaga spell.

“He may not have a heart to cast the ancient spell,” Master Yen Sid bellowed, while I flailed helplessly in pain. “But he has the talent. And you, stubborn Kairi, your heart will do just fine.”


	31. kingdom hearts

His spell struck me again and laid me flat on the ground, next to Axel. Mickey stepped closer, hovering a gloved hand over our limp bodies while he chanted Latin from the open book.

Then I felt Darkness. It was inside of me, coursing like blood through my veins, eating away at everything that made me human. I had known this feeling once before, when I opened the Door in the Secret Place.

It was the feeling of my heart being torn from my body.

Mickey chanted the words in an unending loop. Beneath me, I felt the ground shaking. The hundreds of frozen soldiers around us trembled almost imperceptibly- I saw the sweat collecting on Yen Sid’s wrinkled face. He was straining to keep the Stop spell holding long enough for Mickey to complete the incantation that was meant to remove my heart and place it in Axel.

The pain was blinding, and I couldn’t watch the two of them anymore. My eyes fluttered shut and I gave into the Darkness, and let it pull my mind into the deep recesses of the realm beyond the physical world.

While my real body crumbled under the torture of my heart steadily fading away, my spirit wandered across the glistening mosaic glass floor I’d seen in my dreams: the Station of Calling.

I wasn’t alone. Axel stood in the center of the giant colorful circle, awake and smiling, unscathed by battle.

I ran to him, letting his long, lanky arms wrap completely around me. I knew we weren’t really there, but the heat of his body felt as tangible as the first time he’d touched me.

“It wasn’t a dream,” I breathed into his cloaked chest. I pulled back to examine his face. “When I was here with you before… it wasn’t a dream.”

He nodded. “I don’t sleep, and I don’t dream, but visions have brought me here before,” he answered, gazing around at the vast blackness that surrounded us. “I don’t think this is part of the Corridors of Darkness. I think… I think this is inside of Kingdom Hearts.”

“But… why are we here now?”

He put my hand in his and squeezed. “I think you’re dying, Kairi.”

Absently, I placed a hand on my chest. “They’re trying to steal my heart.”

“They can’t do that, Kairi,” said another voice. Soft, sweet, and familiar. I stepped back from Axel and looked around the vast open space to see that Naminé had appeared, walking timidly toward us. “Your heart is too strong. It’s time to wake the power sleeping within it.”

“Namine!” I embraced her tightly. If I was going to die, it was nice that I could say goodbye to her and to Axel before I did. If only I could say goodbye to everyone else…

“Don’t think like that,” Namine interrupted my thoughts. She reached out one hand for me, and one hand for Axel. The three of us stood holding hands in the center of all that glimmering color. Linked, like when we had saved Axel together. “It’s time for us to finish what we started.”

She started singing the ancient  _ Lullaby of Souls _ , filling Axel and I with the music of the world’s first magic. She looked at Axel, then pointedly at me. “Cale sacrificed himself so that you could live on and lead your kingdom. Everything that he earned, the power of the  _ solare _ , belongs to you know. Axel’s been keeping it safe. All you must do is unlock his heart.”

“But Axel doesn’t--”

Abruptly, my eyes were open, and I felt my heart beating as my lungs took in an enormous breath of real, physical air. Mickey’s voice was shaking as he tried to continue the chant, and Master Yen Sid was clutching his side from the pain of maintaining his extensive spell.

“The spell, Master,” Mickey whispered. “I can’t… it won’t…”

Weakly, I summoned my Keyblade and fingers gripped around the hilt. I sang the same words as Naminé, looking for what she said I could unlock. I could feel it within Axel, powerful magical walls surrounding the place his heart should be. I smiled.

_ You can’t put my heart in Axel because there’s no room there for another one, _ I sang into Mickey’s mind.

With a burst of energy, I rose to my feet and pushed past Mickey, who dropped the spellbook to the ground. I slashed my Keyblade at Master Yen Sid. Blood poured like a waterfall from the gash in his blue robes, and as he stumbled and fell limp to the ground, the silence was shattered and the frozen battlefield came to life all around me.

Mickey gasped in horror, first at Yen Sid’s corpse on the ground and then at the abrupt end to his Master’s potent Stop spell. His eyes met mine like lightning, and we knew he had two choices: fight or flight.

Beside me, the now conscious Axel rose to his feet as well, holding his breath as he clutched his chakrams and waited for my lead.

Mickey’s Keyblade came into view, golden and shining at his side. His eyes were somber and deadly as he said softly, “So this is how the worlds meet their end.”

It took swift thinking to lift my blade in time to block his oncoming attack. Ethereal sparks flew with every clanging collision of our Keyblades. Axel fired flaming projectiles, which the King was impressively able to dodge even as he continued his attack.

As we sparred amidst the chaos of our allies going against Maleficent’s Heartless, someone spotted us.

“Kairi!” yelled the unmistakable quack of Donald Duck. He wailed incomprehensibly as his webbed feet thudded toward me, swinging his wand. Mickey shuddered as he was struck by a shrill bolt of Donald’s Thunder spell.

When he arrived, squared directly across from Mickey with fire in his eyes, the venom he felt for his king was palpable.

“You,” he spat. His feathered hands trembled. “We swore our allegiance to you. We gave you  _ everything.  _ Goofy…” He choked on his tears. “WE TRUSTED YOU.”

Mickey sighed. “If only you hadn’t stopped trusting me. World order—“

“ENOUGH WITH THE WORLD ORDER!” Donald’s chest was heaving with rage. “You’ve been so concerned with world order, and your plans and your secrets… you’ve lost sight of what really matters.”

And with another guttural squawk, Donald charged at Mickey in a fury. Now there were three of us bearing down on him, but still the king skillfully evaded our blows and cast magic in our direction.

A hundred feet away, I could see the dragon Maleficent raining electric green fire down relentlessly. Some shielding, some fleeing, it was clear that our forces were growing fatigued. By the time the sun came up, there was sure to be no resistance left.

“Donald, stop!” I cried. I appealed to Mickey. “Is this really how you want to go out? Fighting against your best and oldest friend?”

“He’s no friend of mine,” Donald spat.

“Maybe not anymore. Maybe some things don’t last forever… but it seems to me that if we lose this battle tonight, it won’t really matter who was right or wrong. If Maleficent wins now, there won’t be anything left but Darkness.”

Mickey sighed, looking at Donald with tearful, pleading eyes. “She’s right,” he said softly. “We have to stand together now against Maleficent. You can yell at me all you like tomorrow, if we make it till morning.”

Donald reluctantly lowered his weapon. “I do like yelling,” he mumbled.

I nodded at the two of them, then glanced back at Axel. He tightened his grip on his chakrams. “After you, princess.”

With a deep inhalation I charged forward toward Maleficent, cutting a path with my Keyblade through the hissing Heartless like overgrown brush. Axel, Donald, and Mickey’s feet pounded on the ground in my wake.

“Fire!” I screamed, unleashing a tidal wave of red flames at Maleficent that swallowed up her own green fire and sent her swerving backward. Axel supported me with a deluge of his own fireballs, while Mickey slashed his golden blade at her belly and Donald’s deadly Thunder spell kept her dizzy.

The dragon let out a ferocious scream before flapping her giant wings and taking to the air, out of range of our magic.

“Launchpad!” Donald screamed into his headset. “She’s in the air again, do you see her?”

“Copy that, boss,” I heard Launchpad respond through static. “We are heading your way in formation, sir!”

“And here come the reinforcements,” Axel said, as dozens of growling Heartless encircled us, their dead eyes glowing.

I had to take my eyes off the target in the sky as three of them charged at me from different directions, clawing at skin and spitting venomous balls of acid. I screamed in agony as one of them sunk its teeth into my sword hand, and my stomach turned at the smell of my own burning flesh.

“Wind!” I called, blasting them away and giving me a temporary reprieve. Above us, Launchpad’s Air Force was keeping Maleficent busy, but clearly not enough to keep her from summoning wave after wave of Heartless on the ground. For every one of them that I shredded with my Keyblade, another five would appear. I was too busy fighting them off to pause and look for the others, but I was consumed with dread as I saw nothing but enemies in my immediate periphery.

Two of the Heartless flailed their unnaturally long arms at me at once. I was so dizzy from their attack I couldn’t move fast enough out of the path of another tall, dark Heartless who slammed its anvil-like fists on my shoulders. I felt like a pinball, bouncing from one attacker to the next, never able to recover before the next hit was upon me.

“Axel!” I cried out in desperation, but there was nothing he could do for me; he was surrounded by at least eight Heartless himself. The battleground was so saturated with writhing Heartless I couldn’t even see Donald and Mickey any more.

My chest rattled as I struggled for breath. I could feel my health failing, but as I fumbled for a Potion from my pocket, an airborne Heartless slammed into me with a spiraling dive and knocked me hard to the ground. Shaking off the impact, I could see Mickey and Donald out cold in the mud nearby.

I dug the tip of my Keyblade into the ground and pressed hard to use it as a lever to lift myself up, trembling from the struggle.

“Kairi!” screamed Axel in warning, but it was too late- the icy cloud of a flying blue Heartless hit me right in the chest. I was on the ground again, consciousness fading. My peripheral vision was dimmed, but I could feel the vibrations of Axel’s feet and Simba’s paws running toward me. The sounds of the roaring monsters faded to a vague rumble, but Maleficent’s howling and merciless taunts rang out loud and clear.

“Behold, the power of darkness, your majesty’s fools!” She boomed.

For good measure, she evaded Launchpad long enough to fly low to the ground and spray green fire all around us. The Heartless army squealed with delight, energized by her dark magic. I choked on the heat of it.

“Not today, not ever, Maleficent!” rallied an unexpected voice.

Sora and our team came charging toward us in formation. I gasped a deep and relieved breath as I felt the restorative warmth of Aerith’s Curaga spell spread through my beaten body. Leon wielded his enormous Gunblade as he tailed Yuffie’s cartwheeled entrance. Mulan and Aladdin worked in tandem to perform acrobatic moves that allowed them to land blows on Maleficent with their swords. I saw Goliath’s shadow in the sky.

I felt a wave of hope that lifted me to my feet once more. I cast a Cure spell of my own over the fallen bodies of Mickey and Donald, who steadily burst to life again. I looked at Axel, healed as well, and he gave me a simple nod.

Instinctively, I took both of his hands in mine, weaving our fingers together. I felt the same dizzying feeling from the gummi ship, when his body was so close to mine, and the magic in our blood connected us.

_ Sora, Riku, Lulu, Leon, Yuffie, Aerith, Aladdin, Simba, Mulan, Launchpad, Goliath, Donald, Mickey, me. _

_ Fourteen hearts,  _ I told Axel, my spirit turning to liquid as it linked to his, our combined power stretching around and protecting the hearts of our final stand. Maleficent was roaring fire and slinging her tail around more angrily than ever, spawning Heartless from a seemingly endless supply, but my teammates stood strong as their hearts remained sheltered by the power of  _ solare _ .

I could feel the distinct texture of each individual heart, and as I focused on maintaining my liquid shield, I realized that each one of their spirits was only reinforcing my own. I could feel the Light linking each of us, multiplying our force.

_ You remember Cale’s training? _ he asked me.

_ How could I remember all...  _ I began, but already it was pouring from Axel's mind into mine: memories of young Cale, training in secret with Gran, toiling to avenge our lost parents and our fallen kingdom. The spells that Cale knew, Axel knew, and when we were linked like this, I knew it too.

_ You’re the talent AND the heart now,  _ he told me. 

Not only could I shield and link our team of hearts, but I could  _ lead  _ them. I shut my eyes and squeezed Axel’s hands tighter as my whole body trembled with the force of fourteen hearts acting as one. 

_ Love, blood, solare,  _ we chanted in silent unison. I could feel the Light burning within me. Around me, Donald and Mickey and the King’s Thirteen were screaming unrelenting battle cries as Maleficent’s army bombarded the battlefield, but my mind was clear and focused on bringing all of their energy to me.

_ Now, Kairi,  _ Axel urged.  _ Open the door now. _

_ Almost…  _ I could feel one last thread of energy, an almost imperceptible whisper, that took every ounce of my strength to pull in. It was humming from the medallion stashed in my pocket, calling out to somewhere deep inside of Axel.

My eyes opened when he gasped suddenly and released my hands in shock.

“What’s happening?” he asked aloud, terror in his voice.

The scintillating Light around us was so bright I could barely see the battle. I could only faintly discern the dragon-shaped shadow looming over us.

“Your heart…” I said softly. “I can feel your heart.”

I could feel him in full force now, the whole of his spirit closing the circuit of our fifteen hearts joined at the nexus of mine. The coveted spell that had ended the Keyblade Wars a century ago was so much more elegant than King Mickey could have imagined. The origin of a heart.

I summoned my Keyblade and lifted it to the sky with a primal scream, sending out a blinding beam of Light that ripped open the heavens and called forth the Door to Kingdom Hearts.

There was a chorus of blood-curdling shrieks as the Heartless were vanquished, destroyed just by the touch of the larger than life Light in the sky. For miles all around us, the burning hamlet grew quiet, and all that was left was a dazzling array of glowing color as the stolen hearts of Maleficent’s army ascended to the Final World.

“Gravira!” I screamed without pause, leaping onto the giant floating gravity spell that emerged in front of me. “Gravira! Gravira!” More powerful orbs of my magic appeared, creating stepping stones that I glided up to where Maleficent hovered in the sky, breathing heavy.

As I jumped higher into the sky, I saw the terror in Maleficent’s glowing dragon eyes just before driving my blade right into her skull. In the next second, I saw life fade from those eyes all together, and then the two of us were falling to the ground. I exhaled in relief, a feeling of calm and completion filling my heart just before I struck the ground.

Before I opened my eyes again, his arms and his heat were the first feeling I could discern. A familiar feeling, like when he first stole me and carried me away.  _ Why did you take me? _ I had asked him then. It was now a question that didn’t need to be answered. I was taken, simple as that. We belonged together now.

As he laid my head against his chest, it was his beating heart that roused me and caused me to look around.

“Axel?” I croaked. I could feel healing magic steadily restoring my strength, but I still struggled to move. “Is it over?”

Smoke poured through the singed ruins of Nottingham, while able-bodied mages cast spells of ice and water to douse Maleficent’s remaining flames. Her defeated carcass lay sprawled a few feet behind me. I could discern the forms of Riku, Sora, Simba, and others rushing toward me.

“It’s over,” Axel said, and his voice felt like a song. 

I touched my ash-covered hand to his face. “It begins and ends in flames.”

He laughed. “Thanks to you, princess.”

I lowered my palm to his chest. The heat of his heart radiated through my skin. “And to you. Your heart…” I looked up and saw the faces of my teammates staring down around me, wearing mixed emotions of celebration and concern. “All of your hearts… they saved us.”

I tried to stand, but a wave of exhaustion lowered me right back into Axel’s arms. Instead, I rested my head against him, against his warmth, and closed my eyes.

“I think I’m ready to go home now.”


	32. epilogue

_ “ _ _ I look across at the real- vulnerable… involved… naked. Devoted to the present of all I care for. The world of its history leading to this moment.” - Muriel Rukeyser,  _ The Speed of Darkness

  
  


I woke up to Axel’s lips, pecking tenderly at my earlobe. It was so comfortable in his arms, beneath the duvet, that the idea of leaving seemed impossible.

“Come on, princess,” he said softly. “Rise and shine. Big day today.”

I groaned sleepily into my down pillow. “Can’t we just do it tomorrow?”

He chuckled and let go of me, climbing out of bed. He yanked off the covers and I yelped. He walked to the enormous window and drew open the thick violet curtains, letting in the radiant sunlight and the bustling sounds of the town square below coming to life.

“Not today, babe. Your public awaits.”

When I returned to our bedroom after a hot bath, I saw that Axel had left a hot mug of coffee on my vanity. I took a seat in front of the mirror, combing my hair. I searched my face for any dramatic overnight transformations, but I certainly didn’t look or feel any different. I took a slurp of my coffee and sighed. It didn’t feel any more special than any other birthday, but this was the day when my whole life, not to mention the entire universe, was going to change.

We’d been preparing for five years, of course. Leon’s Restoration Committee had ballooned into an Interworld outreach program, providing aid and council to all the worlds that had survived the war. People were so hopeful they’d begun to call it the Last Keyblade War, but I accepted that moniker with a grain of salt. You could never be certain that peace would last, but the Council of World Order and I were working hard to make the best of what we had for now.

In the dining hall of Radiant Garden Castle, Axel was seated next to my last living relative, helping her cut up a plate of pancakes.

I smiled, watching them, and placed a kiss on the old woman’s cheek. “Morning, Gran,” I greeted before taking my own seat.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” she answered warmly. She immediately shifted her tone as she smacked Axel’s hands away from her plate. “Oh, stop fussing over me, Axel. I can still feed myself for goodness sake.”

I suppressed a giggle. Gran was nothing if not tough. It was Goliath who found her years ago, on the night of Scrooge’s disappearance. She’d been hiding all those years, waiting and watching, and she was the one who provided Goliath with the coordinates to Scrooge’s Transit station. She had etched the message into the very medallion that would have been mine. She held onto it through everything, waiting for me to come home.

It took Gran awhile to get used to Axel— she kept slipping up and calling him Cale for awhile, but the three of us had been living happily in the castle for years now. 

“I’ve been looking forward to this day for a long time, dear,” she said joyfully. Then she frowned. “You’re not going to keep your hair like that, are you? This is a coronation, after all… perhaps I’ll have Aerith stop in and give it a little lift.”

I sighed and filled my mouth with pancakes to avoid responding. My nerves over today went too deep to even consider getting worried about my hair.

I had only just sat down to eat when I jumped back up again, elated as two of my guests of honor arrived early and waltzed into the dining hall. 

“Riku! Lulu!” I ran to meet them. Riku gave me a big squeeze, lifting my feet off the ground like we were kids again. Lulu gave me a gentler, more reserved embrace, and I let my hand linger for a moment on her swollen belly.

“Wow, it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other,” I said. “Looks like you two will be parents in no time.”

“Let’s hope it’s contagious, shall we?” Gran intruded loudly. “I’d like to see some great-grandchildren before I leave this world.”

Lulu and I exchanged a soft chuckle as I led my guests to the breakfast table.

“Let’s get through today first, eh?” I indulged the old woman. The nervous shock on Axel’s face gradually faded. “My docket is currently at capacity.”

-o-o-o-

Later, I clutched Axel’s hand as the castle doors creaked open, and we faced a stunning display of joyous citizens lining the streets and shouting with glee. They threw confetti as we passed, with a continuous chant of “Queen Kairi!” on their lips. Five years ago, I would have blushed, but after all I had faced, that day I stood tall, proud, and gracious as I waved to the people that were mine now.

The ceremonial procession ended in the city square, which had been modified to accommodate the shining train station that now stood there. Colorful flags and blooming purple flowers hung everywhere.

The World Order Council members took their positions in a line up on the train platform, gazing out at the enormous crowd that filled the square. Mulan and Aladdin stood proudly beside Leon and Merlin; Elsa, Robin Hood, Professor Jumba, and other key representatives from various corners of our strange universe stood in neat quasi-military lines behind them. Sora, donning the full military garb of the Disney Royal Guard, gave me a quick wink as we approached the stage. Goliath was stone, perched atop the marble arches which proudly displayed the name  _ McDuck Interworld Transit Enterprise _ .

Scrooge McDuck himself was visibly giddy as he waited at the podium. He gave a proud thumbs-up to Launchpad, who stood in the front row of the crowd with Webby, Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

The crowd cheered as Axel escorted Gran across the stage, pausing as she smiled and waved before taking a seat at the edge of the stage. Butterflies tittered in my stomach as I took my own walk towards the podium, and the roars of the crowd grew deafening.

Scrooge raised his hands to summon a hush over the crowd.

“Friends, neighbors, and beautiful strangers,” he greeted. The microphone magnified his voice through all the speakers placed around the town square. “It is with greatest pride and deepest pleasure that I welcome you this afternoon. Not only do we have the honor to restore the Radiant Garden throne to its rightful heir…” He had to pause to allow the thunderous applause. Leon caught my eye and gave me a rare smile. “But we will also be unveiling the much anticipated Interworld Transit System, allowing us all at last to be united in this grand kingdom of hearts.”

He reached excitedly into the pocket of his blue jacket and retrieved a remote control. He pressed a button that lit a string of electric lights around the marble arches, and the crowd erupted again as a giant black traincar appeared on the platform.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the first official transit arrival… His Highness the King of Disney Castle!”

The automatic door of the traincar swooshed open dramatically, and Donald Duck stepped onto the platform. He looked a bit silly to me, wearing his crown and his most formal royal cloak, but this was who Donald was now. It was left to him to salvage the dismal home that Mickey had forsaken. Mickey, once a revered savior, was now confined to Yen Sid’s tower as an eternal prisoner.

The King was trailed by his sweetheart Daisy, who carried a plush velvet pink cushion in her hands. I held my breath and resisted the urge to grimace. She just  _ had _ to pick pink, didn’t she?

Donald and Daisy waddled to meet me at the center of the stage.

“Princess Kairi of Radiant Garden,” Donald began. I’d never seen his eyes so intent. “Thank you for inviting me here, and granting me the privilege of initiating your coronation.”

Daisy held out the cushion, upon which rested my jeweled crown. Donald lifted the crown, and I took a deep breath as I dropped to my knee so that he could place it on my head. It perched, over my cropped auburn waves, gold chains and ribbon. The weight was somehow so much lighter than I imagined.

I rose. They knelt.

A flurry of excitement raced through me as I extended my hand to the throngs of citizens, signaling them to rise, and let the applause rush over me again. A new chapter in my story, in all the stories that wove together in the fabric of the universe.

I paused to glance back at the train car, the symbol of everything we had accomplished together. Mickey wasn’t entirely wrong: World Order was a difficult thing. The Council’s strength was paramount for monitoring the Interworld transit system, providing support as worlds grappled with the reality that they weren’t alone.

_ Come to me _ , I said silently to Axel, and he did. As he always had, and always would. He clutched my hand and stood beside me as we basked in the thrill of brilliant optimism. This was no fairy tale. I hedged no bets on happily ever after.

But I stood proud, and ready, to face whatever destiny had in mind.


End file.
